Extension Au Pair--red flag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you consider gourmet food?

I am French so food is the main cultural thing to gift, but finding actual French food is complicated and usually extremely expensive.

I have to try and not cry when I wander around the cheese isle at the lack of selection and it still being 10 time more expensive than what it would cost back home.

I would not gift crackers to the host family and things I really enjoy and would want the family to discover are usually expensive here (I can't even afford to eat them myself anymore unless I feel like treating myself, once in a blue moon!)

DIY (make something).

For example, crepes are infrequent and pancakes are more common. Make some crepes for breakfast on the weekend for French cuisine.

Not everything has to be a bought item to be a gift.

[Anonymous]

PP, I promise to you that many HFs would not consider "authentic French breakfast" as a gift because there is no monetary value attached to it.

APs don't have to bring gifts to their HFs. Yes, most do. Yes, it's lovely. It's also much easier for OOC APs and I agree with a PP that it would most likely feel odd to bring something from the US to a family in the US. Maybe, if switching locations, something local - if moving from Wisconsin to DC maybe a cheese-shaped eraser would be cute or a cheese football... but really? Gifts or no gift should not make or break a relationship.

What DO you get a family you don't know yet? Wine? Most likely to young and alcohol may always be a problem. Perishable foods such as cheese? Difficult if you move across country. Sweets? Well, salt-water taffy when moving from New England to the west coast maybe but you wouldn't shlep a box of Oreos from Arlington to Bethesda, would you? Yes, trinkets for the kids would most likely always work but really? Why get them something that is not special (because local), cheap and most likely to thrown out some time soon. And not everybody is creative enough to come up with something fancy, special (and inexpensive) for people they don't know.

[Anonymous]

Just make a craft for the kid. Pick up a coloring book. Something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I promise to you that many HFs would not consider "authentic French breakfast" as a gift because there is no monetary value attached to it.

APs don't have to bring gifts to their HFs. Yes, most do. Yes, it's lovely. It's also much easier for OOC APs and I agree with a PP that it would most likely feel odd to bring something from the US to a family in the US. Maybe, if switching locations, something local - if moving from Wisconsin to DC maybe a cheese-shaped eraser would be cute or a cheese football... but really? Gifts or no gift should not make or break a relationship.

What DO you get a family you don't know yet? Wine? Most likely to young and alcohol may always be a problem. Perishable foods such as cheese? Difficult if you move across country. Sweets? Well, salt-water taffy when moving from New England to the west coast maybe but you wouldn't shlep a box of Oreos from Arlington to Bethesda, would you? Yes, trinkets for the kids would most likely always work but really? Why get them something that is not special (because local), cheap and most likely to thrown out some time soon. And not everybody is creative enough to come up with something fancy, special (and inexpensive) for people they don't know.

Seriously? This kind of attitude gives HFs a bad image. We love it when our APs want to share their culture through food, especially when it's done in their free time of their own accord. Do you also expect APs to give host parents a gift with monetary value for your birthdays too? We don't, but hope they've worked with the kids to craft something cute or bake something (because all our APs have really wanted to bake with the kids as an activity).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I promise to you that many HFs would not consider "authentic French breakfast" as a gift because there is no monetary value attached to it.

APs don't have to bring gifts to their HFs. Yes, most do. Yes, it's lovely. It's also much easier for OOC APs and I agree with a PP that it would most likely feel odd to bring something from the US to a family in the US. Maybe, if switching locations, something local - if moving from Wisconsin to DC maybe a cheese-shaped eraser would be cute or a cheese football... but really? Gifts or no gift should not make or break a relationship.

What DO you get a family you don't know yet? Wine? Most likely to young and alcohol may always be a problem. Perishable foods such as cheese? Difficult if you move across country. Sweets? Well, salt-water taffy when moving from New England to the west coast maybe but you wouldn't shlep a box of Oreos from Arlington to Bethesda, would you? Yes, trinkets for the kids would most likely always work but really? Why get them something that is not special (because local), cheap and most likely to thrown out some time soon. And not everybody is creative enough to come up with something fancy, special (and inexpensive) for people they don't know.

Seriously? This kind of attitude gives HFs a bad image. We love it when our APs want to share their culture through food, especially when it's done in their free time of their own accord. Do you also expect APs to give host parents a gift with monetary value for your birthdays too? We don't, but hope they've worked with the kids to craft something cute or bake something (because all our APs have really wanted to bake with the kids as an activity).

I think you missed PPs point. I don't think they were saying that was their personal view, given they didn't think the AP should have to bring any kind of gift at all.

[Anonymous]

I am the French AP and I do make crêpes throughout the year, but I think most APs would feel odd to come empty handed and then ask their family on the first day to make an improptu trip to the shop (where HFs would probably feel like they have to pay for the food which would mean paying for their own gifts which is awkward) and then use their kitchen as their own from the get go. I think I would be fine with it but I think most APs would feel way too shy to do that and probably be scared of disrupting the schedule etc... and would probably want to spend the first day adjusting and getting to know the family themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our extension Au Pair arrived 2 days ago. She seemed fine at interview time, but I was really put off by the fact that she did not bring my children a token gift. I am not asking for anything expensive, but just a small thing because even though it's her second year, we are still a new family. She also added a bunch of what I would consider gourmet/specialty ingredients to the grocery list. Starting to wonder if this was the right choice....What were your red flags for extension au pairs?

A little token would have been nice but it won't bother me that she came empty handed. I don't routinely provide "specialty" items. However, I will treat a lovely AP to speciality items from her home country from time to time or give her a little money to purchase them. These items do not go on the grocery list (this is covered in my handbook).

Being gracious host parents does not mean we have to provide them with everything they fancy.