A nanny’s long term influence?

[Anonymous]

I am a grandmother to a three-year-old. My granddaughter has had a wonderful, bright, and social nanny since her birth. My son, her father, was diagnosed with what was then called Asberger’s (now called on the autistic spectrum) when he was a boy. He is a scientist and a good, responsible man - highly intelligent - but lacking social skills. My daughter-in-law is much the same - also a scientist - although, to my knowledge, never diagnosed. Both my son and daughter-in-law could be considered “rude” in social circumstances. They do the best they can but the ability for polite conversation simply isn’t there.

My granddaughter has none of the spectrum symptoms and her nanny has taught her to be polite, friendly and inquisitive - but will it last when my granddaughter starts school and the nanny leaves? Now she is saying, “please excuse me” (for example) when she interrupts or leaves a conversation (something her parents don’t do) and always asks “how are you?”

I am on the opposite coast and still working so can be of no help.

Basically my question to nannies and those who employ nannies is this: how much of an influence can a full time nanny have on a child and does it last beyond the nanny’s employ.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

She will receive social skill instruction at school, but not to that extent. Because your granddaughter is not on the spectrum, she will have adequate social skills, though may not retain the level of politeness that she currently has, if it isn’t reinforced.

[Anonymous]

Like any other skill, your grandchild’s nanny gave her a foundation. And I do think any foundational influences are felt long term. Good for your son and DIL for choosing a nanny who had what they didn’t.

[Anonymous]

I do think nannies have long term influence. A nanny can instill a love of music, reading, vocabulary, etc. that can last a lifetime.

And even in calls and FaceTime, OP, you can reinforce what the nanny is doing and praise your granddaughter for her good manners and kindness.

[Anonymous]

It would be wise if they can keep the nanny as long as possible, even part time. I’ve seen children regress if the loss of the nanny is traumatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like any other skill, your grandchild’s nanny gave her a foundation. And I do think any foundational influences are felt long term. Good for your son and DIL for choosing a nanny who had what they didn’t.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be wise if they can keep the nanny as long as possible, even part time. I’ve seen children regress if the loss of the nanny is traumatic.

Oh shut up, no you haven't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be wise if they can keep the nanny as long as possible, even part time. I’ve seen children regress if the loss of the nanny is traumatic.

Oh shut up, no you haven't.

Stop, PP. Just let it go. Don’t force this thread into another ugly debate on the importance/unimportance of the child’s relationship with the nanny.

This is one of the few truly interesting and unusual threads on this forum. Let posters have their opinions on the topic and try to be a respectful adult.

[Anonymous]

I do think that a nanny’s influence will be felt longterm. Your grandchild’s nanny was taught the child how to interact with the world and these fundamentals won’t simply stop. It’s not like a foreign language the child won’t hear again - polite and social graces will be reinforced in school. The nanny gave this kid a really great foundation.

It would be great, under these very unusual circumstances, to keep the nanny even after the child starts school if the nanny is interested. Or see if she’d be interested in one weekend day.

[Anonymous]

It's great that the nanny is teaching her this. If she goes to preschool they will reinforce and then school will too

[Anonymous]

Manners are more likely to fall away starting around second grade, regardless of whether the nanny is still present. It’s the influence of peers who will deride the manners we value, and your grandchild’s need to belong that are more of concern. With that said, I agree that retaining the nanny as long as possible is in the child’s best interests.

[Anonymous]

It is not about “manners” but more about social behavior. I think the nanny’s influences will be felt forever. Making eye contact, answering questions when asked, smiling to show pleasure or appreciation, etc. all things that those without spectrum disorders take for granted.

Hopefully the nanny will stick around after your granddaughter starts school.

[Anonymous]

Your granddaughter won’t forget her nanny or what she’s learned from her.