Is my decision justified?

[Anonymous]

We have a nanny who has worked with us for almost 2 years who works for us full-time. We really like and trust her, however, things have not been so great recently.

She took a two-week vacation months ago (in addition to paid sick days and holidays, we give her a paid two-week time off annually.)

Since both DH and I work, we had to find backup childcare while she was gone. Unexpectedly though, our daughter really loved it there. My daughter starts school in a few months and our (verbal) commitment to our nanny was to have her work for us until DD starts school. We didn't think it was fair to let the nanny go only because she took a vacation and things changed upon her return, so we decided to keep her and have her help us out in the mornings for a couple hours. We are, however, paying her full-time (30 hours) even though she only really works 6 hours a week for us because we wanted to honor our commitment.

Recently though, she has been a bit unpleasant. Even though she works only a couple hours a day, she still asks if she could leave early for a variety of reasons (her husband wants to meet her at the mall because they need to buy something, etc.).

I had a business trip this week in a different city that was a few hours away so we asked her to come for a couple hours in the mornings and evenings for 3 days. Today before I left, she told me she couldn't make it tomorrow morning, but could make it in the evening. I was fine with this, but when I returned this evening, she nonchalantly said she could no longer make it the entire day tomorrow because she realized she has an optometrist appointment that she almost forgot about.

This was really off-putting. I feel we've been really good employers, but we haven't been getting fair treatment from her recently, considering we're paying her FT for minimal PT work.

I'm thinking of just letting her go. We don't have a contract, but for the sake of our relationship, I also want to just pay some severance, but at the same time, I'm really turned off by this bad work ethic. If I had an appointment that I forgot about, that would be no one else's fault but myself, so the most reasonable thing to do is to cancel/move this appointment to a different day rather than cancelling on your employer.

[Anonymous]

She has a bad work ethic and you are not a perfect employer either. You shouldn't have let her do PT and pay FT. This was bound to happen.
It's time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has a bad work ethic and you are not a perfect employer either. You shouldn't have let her do PT and pay FT. This was bound to happen.
It's time to move on.

Why do you say it was bound to happen?

[Anonymous]

What were her hours before the vacation/daughter going into daycare?
Did she work evenings then?

I don't think it's right to ask her to work evenings if they weren't part of her schedule before the vacation. I'd be resentful of that too.

[Anonymous]

Same thing happened to us when dd was 2.5. Nanny had to go on a long trip unexpectedly and we were lucky that we already had a deposit down for a full day preschool (to start in 5 months) so dd went there for when the nanny was out. Nanny came back and we ended up keeping dd in the school. Nanny got a very generous severance and bonus since she was. So yes she missed out on a couple months pay since we let her go before the planned 5 month timeline but we gave her as much as we could and everyone parted on good terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What were her hours before the vacation/daughter going into daycare?
Did she work evenings then?

I don't think it's right to ask her to work evenings if they weren't part of her schedule before the vacation. I'd be resentful of that too.

Huh? Resentful just to work 2 hours in the evenings for 3 days? It’s only 3 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were her hours before the vacation/daughter going into daycare?
Did she work evenings then?

I don't think it's right to ask her to work evenings if they weren't part of her schedule before the vacation. I'd be resentful of that too.

Huh? Resentful just to work 2 hours in the evenings for 3 days? It’s only 3 days.

Three days too many. OP would never do the same for her nanny. Both should just stick to contract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were her hours before the vacation/daughter going into daycare?
Did she work evenings then?

I don't think it's right to ask her to work evenings if they weren't part of her schedule before the vacation. I'd be resentful of that too.

Huh? Resentful just to work 2 hours in the evenings for 3 days? It’s only 3 days.

Does your boss ask you to work evenings, time you usually set aside for family/friends/an activity you enjoy? What if you already knew your job was ending soon, would you feel inclined to do a "favor" like working during a time you could be eating dinner with your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were her hours before the vacation/daughter going into daycare?
Did she work evenings then?

I don't think it's right to ask her to work evenings if they weren't part of her schedule before the vacation. I'd be resentful of that too.

Huh? Resentful just to work 2 hours in the evenings for 3 days? It’s only 3 days.

Does your boss ask you to work evenings, time you usually set aside for family/friends/an activity you enjoy? What if you already knew your job was ending soon, would you feel inclined to do a "favor" like working during a time you could be eating dinner with your family?

If I had a good relationship with my employer and they paid me well, yes I would. If not, I wouldn’t commit to it.

The problem here isn’t that we requested her to work in the evenings for 3 nights. The problem was she committed to it and decided to back out last minute. Why do that instead of declining outright? Clearly, you don’t get it. I’m baffled by your sense of entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were her hours before the vacation/daughter going into daycare?
Did she work evenings then?

I don't think it's right to ask her to work evenings if they weren't part of her schedule before the vacation. I'd be resentful of that too.

Huh? Resentful just to work 2 hours in the evenings for 3 days? It’s only 3 days.

Does your boss ask you to work evenings, time you usually set aside for family/friends/an activity you enjoy? What if you already knew your job was ending soon, would you feel inclined to do a "favor" like working during a time you could be eating dinner with your family?

Wow, I get that. But she should have just said no when she was asked to do this. Clearly, she was wishy washy - saying yes, then saying yes partially, then saying no completely. It’s not about family time. That’s not the issue. Regardless of what her reasons are, if she was not comfortable doing this short-term, temporary change in schedule, she should have declined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were her hours before the vacation/daughter going into daycare?
Did she work evenings then?

I don't think it's right to ask her to work evenings if they weren't part of her schedule before the vacation. I'd be resentful of that too.

Huh? Resentful just to work 2 hours in the evenings for 3 days? It’s only 3 days.

Does your boss ask you to work evenings, time you usually set aside for family/friends/an activity you enjoy? What if you already knew your job was ending soon, would you feel inclined to do a "favor" like working during a time you could be eating dinner with your family?

If I had a good relationship with my employer and they paid me well, yes I would. If not, I wouldn’t commit to it.

The problem here isn’t that we requested her to work in the evenings for 3 nights. The problem was she committed to it and decided to back out last minute. Why do that instead of declining outright? Clearly, you don’t get it. I’m baffled by your sense of entitlement.

Lol My "sense of entitlement?" Lady, I don't work for you. Clearly you are the one with the sense of entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were her hours before the vacation/daughter going into daycare?
Did she work evenings then?

I don't think it's right to ask her to work evenings if they weren't part of her schedule before the vacation. I'd be resentful of that too.

Huh? Resentful just to work 2 hours in the evenings for 3 days? It’s only 3 days.

Does your boss ask you to work evenings, time you usually set aside for family/friends/an activity you enjoy? What if you already knew your job was ending soon, would you feel inclined to do a "favor" like working during a time you could be eating dinner with your family?

If I had a good relationship with my employer and they paid me well, yes I would. If not, I wouldn’t commit to it.

The problem here isn’t that we requested her to work in the evenings for 3 nights. The problem was she committed to it and decided to back out last minute. Why do that instead of declining outright? Clearly, you don’t get it. I’m baffled by your sense of entitlement.

Lol My "sense of entitlement?" Lady, I don't work for you. Clearly you are the one with the sense of entitlement.

You didn’t answer the question. If your employer asks you if you could come to work, that’s a yes or no answer. You clearly missed the point.

[Anonymous]

You already posted this. Has to be fake.

[Anonymous]

Does your boss ask you to work evenings, time you usually set aside for family/friends/an activity you enjoy?

I'm confused by this question because at least in my experience, I have had to work overtime for past jobs. It doesn't look like the person who asked this has even been able to work a job at all, otherwise, why is this a question?

What if you already knew your job was ending soon, would you feel inclined to do a "favor" like working during a time you could be eating dinner with your family?

This is display of a cancerous work ethic to be honest. Just because a job is ending soon, that doesn't mean you shouldn't work the extra mile for your employer.. unless your boss is an asshole. But in this case, it looks like she's well compensated and taken care of.

Based on the post, the employer isn't even really asking for much - considering nanny is being paid for several hours where she doesn't work, an extra couple hours for 3 days isn't really much to ask in the grand scheme of things.

But that said, the nanny is not required to accept the request at all. She is, however, required to communicate that clearly and properly to her employer. Her employer is entitled to a proper answer, that's the least she could do.

Like working during a time you could be eating dinner with your family?

Whether she spends her free time eating dinner with family, taking care of small succulent plants, or masturbating to porn, that is not the point. She is free to do whatever she wants with her free time. But if her employer requests that she come to work, she can either say YES or NO. In this case, she failed to communicate that well. She said yes, then yes for part of it, then no. It's clearly not a mature and professional answer. No one deserves that. You have to either commit or not. Not answer the question like a fucking 5-year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Does your boss ask you to work evenings, time you usually set aside for family/friends/an activity you enjoy?

I'm confused by this question because at least in my experience, I have had to work overtime for past jobs. It doesn't look like the person who asked this has even been able to work a job at all, otherwise, why is this a question?

What if you already knew your job was ending soon, would you feel inclined to do a "favor" like working during a time you could be eating dinner with your family?

This is display of a cancerous work ethic to be honest. Just because a job is ending soon, that doesn't mean you shouldn't work the extra mile for your employer.. unless your boss is an asshole. But in this case, it looks like she's well compensated and taken care of.

Based on the post, the employer isn't even really asking for much - considering nanny is being paid for several hours where she doesn't work, an extra couple hours for 3 days isn't really much to ask in the grand scheme of things.

But that said, the nanny is not required to accept the request at all. She is, however, required to communicate that clearly and properly to her employer. Her employer is entitled to a proper answer, that's the least she could do.

Like working during a time you could be eating dinner with your family?

Whether she spends her free time eating dinner with family, taking care of small succulent plants, or masturbating to porn, that is not the point. She is free to do whatever she wants with her free time. But if her employer requests that she come to work, she can either say YES or NO. In this case, she failed to communicate that well. She said yes, then yes for part of it, then no. It's clearly not a mature and professional answer. No one deserves that. You have to either commit or not. Not answer the question like a fucking 5-year old.

I think we should be friends!

OP, you posted before, correct? I think you have been very generous and people such as myself and PP would honor our word and gladly go the extra mile when you clearly have been as well. I do feel like you are harboring resentment for things you could and should have said no to. I cannot imagine asking my boss to leave early to go shopping, especially when working for 3 hours and being paid for 6. But you should have said no. You should absolutely let her go now, your needs are not being met. But I do think you should give her two weeks notice or severance. I generally advocate for a bonus of 1 week’s pay per year worked, but not really feeing that here. Best of luck!