Awkward Situation

[Anonymous]

I’m approaching my 3 year anniversary. MB texted she wanted to discuss something bc DB didn’t want to discuss it. She then proceeds to say she wanted to change vacation and sick pay. I told her I didn’t find her proposal acceptable and turned it down. Five minutes later, I received a text from DB fuming bc he already told her he was against any changes to my vacation etc. For the record, I’ve been a nanny for 25 years and I’ve never abused time off.

I’m pissed because this is the second time in two weeks I’ve caught her lying. I’m having a hard time being cordial to her. I feel as though I’m in a very awkward spot. There’s a lot of back history where she’s told me things I should never know about her marriage and wonder how much she’s lied about all of it. It may not be my place to wonder, but it’s been a hard year with MB and all her issues.

Any advice on how to proceed ?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how she lied. She told your her husband didn't want to discuss something with you. So she discussed it with you. He found out she did that, and let you know he was against what she wanted. Where's the lie?

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. How did she lie?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like parents aren't in agreement about this issue and you're caught in the middle of that argument. I wonder if they are having money problems, which is why MB asked about changing time off... I'd look for a new job or ask that any proposed changes to your contract be made when all three of you are available to attend a meeting to discuss proposed items.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like parents aren't in agreement about this issue and you're caught in the middle of that argument. I wonder if they are having money problems, which is why MB asked about changing time off... I'd look for a new job or ask that any proposed changes to your contract be made when all three of you are available to attend a meeting to discuss proposed items.

Thanks. This is one of many issues to have come up in the last year, MB was planning on leaving and divorcing DB. HE would have had sole custody. It’s been a cycle of uncertainty. I feel so bad for the kids but MB IS driving off the edge.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like MB was suggesting that her and DB were thinking this together, but that he didn’t want to be the one to discuss it.

Do you feel comfortable staying with them? We bond with the kids, obviously, but as a career nanny you know that you have to prioritize yourself. If you want to stay, I would request a meeting to discuss the contract. I would be direct about my concerns, though maybe not all of them (regarding their marriage). Know that you do not have to agree to anything on the spot, and take a moment to decide what is best for you. Get that resume UTD and check in with your agencies.

Also, for all nannies, get a reference letter at the end of your first year; you never know what could happen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like MB was suggesting that her and DB were thinking this together, but that he didn’t want to be the one to discuss it.

Do you feel comfortable staying with them? We bond with the kids, obviously, but as a career nanny you know that you have to prioritize yourself. If you want to stay, I would request a meeting to discuss the contract. I would be direct about my concerns, though maybe not all of them (regarding their marriage). Know that you do not have to agree to anything on the spot, and take a moment to decide what is best for you. Get that resume UTD and check in with your agencies.

Also, for all nannies, get a reference letter at the end of your first year; you never know what could happen!

Thank you. I told her no as soon as she suggested it. She backed down. He actually forwarded all the screenshots of their discussion. He explicitly told her not to bring it up. I’ve been with one since birth and the other is SN and I’ve worked so hard to get him verbal and ready for school with the help of therapists. My mom keeps saying just ignore MB, she has her own set of issues.. ugh .. some people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like MB was suggesting that her and DB were thinking this together, but that he didn’t want to be the one to discuss it.

Do you feel comfortable staying with them? We bond with the kids, obviously, but as a career nanny you know that you have to prioritize yourself. If you want to stay, I would request a meeting to discuss the contract. I would be direct about my concerns, though maybe not all of them (regarding their marriage). Know that you do not have to agree to anything on the spot, and take a moment to decide what is best for you. Get that resume UTD and check in with your agencies.

Also, for all nannies, get a reference letter at the end of your first year; you never know what could happen!

Thank you. I told her no as soon as she suggested it. She backed down. He actually forwarded all the screenshots of their discussion. He explicitly told her not to bring it up. I’ve been with one since birth and the other is SN and I’ve worked so hard to get him verbal and ready for school with the help of therapists. My mom keeps saying just ignore MB, she has her own set of issues.. ugh .. some people!

It’s so hard when you truly care for your charges and know that they will not receive the same level of care when you walk away, but to be stuck in the middle of someone’s marriage is so far over the line! I would have a serious talk about expectations, where they see themselves and their children at the end of the year, what you have provided over the last 3 years-demonstrating your value, and revisiting professional boundaries. Good luck, sounds like a mess!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like MB was suggesting that her and DB were thinking this together, but that he didn’t want to be the one to discuss it.

Do you feel comfortable staying with them? We bond with the kids, obviously, but as a career nanny you know that you have to prioritize yourself. If you want to stay, I would request a meeting to discuss the contract. I would be direct about my concerns, though maybe not all of them (regarding their marriage). Know that you do not have to agree to anything on the spot, and take a moment to decide what is best for you. Get that resume UTD and check in with your agencies.

Also, for all nannies, get a reference letter at the end of your first year; you never know what could happen!

Thank you. I told her no as soon as she suggested it. She backed down. He actually forwarded all the screenshots of their discussion. He explicitly told her not to bring it up. I’ve been with one since birth and the other is SN and I’ve worked so hard to get him verbal and ready for school with the help of therapists. My mom keeps saying just ignore MB, she has her own set of issues.. ugh .. some people!

Thats really inappropriate and I would doubt a spouse would do that except if they are divorcing.