DS wants to go to out of school care

[Anonymous]

We have had our after school nanny for three years and she has been wonderful. Reliable, helped DS through our divorce, great initiative, incredibly kind and everything you could want in a nanny. She hardly takes any time off but had a day off last week so I put DS into out of school club which I thought he would hate. He didn't, he loved it. So much so that he would rather go there. So,I need to have an awkward conversation with nanny as she wont be needed anymore. Ideas on what to say please?

[Anonymous]

He went one time to after care and now you are going to change your whole plan?

I mean that's fine and all, but maybe you should think about it more seriously. For example, after care in June is fun - the weather is great - they play sports outside!

Aftercare in February is sitting in the gym doing homework, or whatever. And no nanny to host playdates or whatever he does with the nanny now.

I would instead - find out if he'll have friends there next year, find out the snacks, projects and schedule, let him know he won't be able to go back to the nanny if he changes his mind - that's its for all of the school year next year...

Then you can decide what to do. Its fine to fire a nanny if you won't need her, but I would be more careful since it's a big decision.

[Anonymous]

He does have a few friends there and its financially a lot better for us. Negatives are that he probably won't get much homework done there as he would with nanny, will be eating dinner much later and I will have to adjust my work schedule slightly as don't always get back before the finish time of the out of school club.
The decision will also upset the nanny too but we have to do what is best for us.

[Anonymous]

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

He is 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had our after school nanny for three years and she has been wonderful. Reliable, helped DS through our divorce, great initiative, incredibly kind and everything you could want in a nanny. She hardly takes any time off but had a day off last week so I put DS into out of school club which I thought he would hate. He didn't, he loved it. So much so that he would rather go there. So,I need to have an awkward conversation with nanny as she wont be needed anymore. Ideas on what to say please?

Your nanny will get another job in the blink of an eye! Those after school jobs are so sought after. With your great recommendation, she will get hired inno time.

Just tell her the truth, OP. She will understand.

[Anonymous]

Not so sure she will. There aren't many after school nanny jobs here in the UK especially when you don't drive as she doesn't,
She will be hurt to be replaced like this .

[Anonymous]

I would feel a little hurt if I were your nanny.
Sounds like she has really been there for you all,is by your own admission brilliant and yet on the basis of one out of school trip, you want to get rid of her?
I think you will come to regret this.

[Anonymous]

You better be damn sure, OP. Those programs take lots of holidays and your son may well tire of it once the novelty wears off.

That said, no nanny job is forever and your nanny knows this. As long as she has the opportunity to see your son, I am sure she’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

I would be so hurt if I only took one single day off, and that day negatively affected.....err.....ended my time w/your family.

Could you afford to keep her on for date nights + offer a nice severance package (including an offer to be her reference) to pay her back for her three years of excellent service?

This may lessen the sting.

If your son changes his mind after the novelty wears off, she may have a new employer.
It is a risk you will need to take.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Yes don't expect her to be there if your son changes his mind.
She deserves better. She takes ONE day off and it ends her time with your family?

[Anonymous]

Do you only need afterschool care? Do you have flexible hours for all of the random sick days when your kid has to stay home and when there is a teacher workday and when there is a snow day etc.? What is your plan for winter break and spring break and summer break? If the nanny has been helping you to cover for some of these gaps so far and has adjusted her schedule to work around summer camps and things like that, then you need to come up with a plan that will accommodate all days of the year.

I agree with others that I would be talking about this more with your son and asking him what are the things that he likes about the after care and looking for ways to meet those needs without getting rid of the nanny just yet. Maybe he liked it because they didn’t make him do homework. Maybe he just liked being around friends. Perhaps you could see if a friend or classmate might also want to hang out with your son after school in a nanny share situation. That would give him a little bit of company but you would maintain the flexibility you need for days when School and aftercare are not available.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He said he liked the fact there were lots of friends there, that the staff were all male and he played football most of the time.
Nanny covers the after school slots we need and picks DS up from holiday camp when school is out but between me and my ex we pretty much have that covered now too.

I will talk to him but it sounds like he has made up his mind and I want him to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Just tell the nanny that your son is at an age where group care is important. Thank her, give her a brilliant recommendation and severance and set a schedule for her visits/babysitting.

Your nanny knew this day was coming, OP. Stop being such a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

I'm not being a drama queen at all. I just know it won't be welcomed and she will be hurt and see it as a punishment that she took a day off.
Going to tell her tomorrow and it won't be easy.