How/when to tell AP no extension?

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

We have 7 months to go with current AP. Several of her friends are extending, but we aren't interested. I would like to begin the search for our next AP but don't want to be active on any of the Facebook groups until I've told current AP. She may or may not want to extend. I want to be delicate so her feelings aren't hurt. I also don't want to sour things with 7 months remaining. Any advice from you wise HF's and AP's?

[Anonymous]

Not sure which agency you're with but with CCAP, around 7/8 months in they send a note to both HF and AP to talk about extension. I use that as a jumping off point to offer extension or not. If not, then I say something like "I just received an email from CC about extending for the next year, did you? [after AP's response]. We've thought about this a lot, and we've decided to look for an OOC AP for the next year. We've had a great year with you so far, but we [at this point...what's the truth, say that:]
- we like to host APs for only one year, after our last AP extended we felt like it was too long for both of us, and I don't want our relationship to go south
-or-
- we think you'd do better with a different family [more/less/younger/older kids, city/suburbs/driving/no-driving]

[Anonymous]

I've never gotten a note from CCAP about extension, in 4 years...
But in your case, I'd just say "we only host au pairs for one year, if you're interested in staying in the US another year we'd be happy to give you a reference for your next host family". You don't need to do or say more than that.

[Anonymous]

OP here and thank you! Super helpful. In your experience, did things change after you had this conversation (any negative impacts or response from AP?) or did they stay the same? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Related topic — but I keep hearing about Facebook groups — how does that work? What are they called, and do you match via those groups instead of the website?

[Anonymous]

We have been hosting 11 years. We do not extend and drop that into our conversation around months 4-5 so that there are no expectations otherwise. We start looking for our new ap when ap has been with us about five months, and I just make sure to tell ap that we would appreciate if he or she would take to any candidates we end up liking. We have had one ap who extended with another family but there were no hard feelings because we had been clear from the beginning that extending wasn’t an option. I would just be really clear and up front that you’ll be looking for a new ap and will happily help her find a family for her second year if she wants to stay.

[Anonymous]

We only had one AP that we had to have this conversation with. It was definitely mutual so the ongoing working relationship was fine. She was a good AP, just not enthusiastic or optimistic enough for us. She felt she needed a more urban experience where she didn't need to drive. So we were both pretty relieved to talk about not extending with our family and we finished out the year great.

There are FB matching groups. Search au pair match and you'll find a bunch.

[Anonymous]

Oh and the FB groups aren't for a formal match, it's just a way to find APs and connect with them outside of the agency system, but you'd still go with the agency to make the match.