How is the AP program worth it to you?
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Anonymous
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New HF and still in the matching process. It's become a full time job just doing the research and interviews. I haven't even gotten to the handbook part yet. Then I read on here about how it can be exhausting having a young adult living with you. I'm second guessing our decision to go this route.
Could you all share the positive experiences you've had? What made it worthwhile? |
Anonymous
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The first time is definitely the hardest, because you don't really know what to expect. You'll get better over time at figuring out what matters to your family and who will be a good fit. Matching is very time consuming, and you'll need to do it once a year (or every two years if your au pair extends), so that's something to keep in mind. On the other hand, there is an enormous pool of people just waiting to be hired, which is not true with nannies. The training period will vary depending on your family's needs, the ages of your kids, and the experience of your au pair, but you will get better at that over time, too.
Keep in mind that most people come to message boards to post when they're having a problem. People who are just coasting along won't come on here to comment or ask questions. So take the negativity with a grain of salt. We are in our 9th year of hosting. We had one bad year where we rematched twice, but most of our au pairs have been wonderful. It's been a great experience for our kids to meet and know young women from all over the world. We've visited past au pairs overseas, and had them visit us here. The kids are learning to be flexible and to adapt to many different styles. Now that they're older, the au pair is more like a fun big sister to hang out and play with. On a practical level, an au pair is an extremely flexible form of childcare. We set our schedule every week, and as long as we stay within program constraints, we have enormous flexibility. With school aged kids, we mostly need a little bit of before school care and a few hours after school. It is almost impossible to find a reliable nanny or babysitter to work those hours, and they will drop you with no notice when something better comes along. We've seen it happen to friends all the time. There is before and after care at school, but we prefer to have the kids at home or doing activities we schedule. Plus, there are So Many Days the kids are randomly off school, and I don't have the mental energy to find separate care for each day. Really, there are some down sides, but overall, we love it. |
Anonymous
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We've had two great au pairs so far and will welcome the third this summer. Some things I love - definitely the flexibility - if you are like us with no family close, having a third adult around is priceless for sick/ snow days etc. If we have a sick kid, they can be home in their own bed and we don't have to miss work.
I also love that they are around when I am home so we can talk about the kids and they can share funny stories. Our nanny had to constantly run out the door and never had time to talk about our kids. And I love that they are generally young and loving and have tons of energy. Both of our au pairs have been very good at playing games, organizing activities and finding new things to do in the neighborhood. Keep in mind people rarely post when they are happy so you only see the negative side. |
Anonymous
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I am guilty of venting on this forum, but I DO love having an AP.
Here are the things that absolutely make it worth it: 1) Flexibility in scheduling---between my schedule and my husband's, we do have odd hours at times so having the felxibility of sticking to a set time or go into overtime is a huge plus. 2) Language--I love how the kids are learning and being exposed to different languages and we encourage that 3) Role Modelling--I also love how the kids are being exposed to young women who are doing this program so that they can think about working in another country 4) Sick days---one of my kids has asthma so is sick a lot----Having the flexibility of the au pair helps us tag team. Same true for the snow days. 5) Learning--We do learn from our APs about thier countries, and they have been open to learning about us. 6) Instant community---APs make friends--very quickly with other APs, and they make play dates. We have met other parents through our au pairs, and it's been great. 7) Connection--One of our former au pairs recently finished her master's in education. SHe wrote to us and said thanks because working with us really influenced her decision to pursue this. That felt great! |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thank you so much for all your thoughtful and detailed replies! This thread is giving me a much needed boost. |
Anonymous
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Living near DC, we never did stuff like museums and monuments anymore. With an AP, we try to organize a cultural experience at least once a month to invite her along.
APs are A LOT of work sometimes. You could get a needy type or an incompetent one, which is so much worse when they live with you. Make your expectations clear and don’t be afraid to rematch when it would make your life easier to be without a bad AP than to keep them for the rest of a long year. |
Anonymous
| Frankly for us it’s about flexibility and almost only flexibility. We can afford a professional nanny but we can’t promise when we will be home. Usually it’s 7 pm but rarely it’s 2 am (we only use before and aftercare so we technically have the hours when that happens). No other childcare option I am aware of can accommodate our chaos. |
Anonymous
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Two words :
Snow Days Sick Days Teacher workdays If you are relatively fun/active family and embrace the idea of having a young person experience a new world with your family it is a great experience on both ends of the experience. The best part is having the flexibility no other childcare can offer. We have had BP and AP and while nothing is perfect all the time; after 6 years we would not go back to nanny or even consider after school care option (we could do either). For your first AP just need to balance your expectations - they are not here to be your kid; but watch yours - they want to be part of your family; but on their terms and their timeline. You are lucky to have them, just as they are lucky to have you. I wish you the best for your first year! |
Anonymous
I would never start the matching process without a handbook first. It is critical to set the expectations clearly up front. Sounds like you are winging it. That's a recipe for disaster. |
Anonymous
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We've been hosting 5 years and it fits our needs very well.
We only speak Spanish in our home, so having a Spanish speaking AP really helps with that goal, and as the kids get older and speak more English throughout their school day it's become more and more important Flexibility is awesome. We generally have time for a date night throughout the week, and if an emergency comes up we have hours to cover it. Love being able to shift the schedule week to week as needed. So helpful for sick days and snow days, too I don't need to worry about waking up my littlest ones and then run around the house to get things ready to take them to day care We don't need to do dropoff/pickup at a daycare, more time to spend with my kids We developed our handbook after first AP arrived, had never really heard of one before. After that we sent it to AP candidates after a couple of good interviews and we were seriously considering matching. You may want to set it up now so you can show it to AP before you match to make sure you're on the same page |
Anonymous
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For us, another benefit has been that it has been nice to have one primary caregiver involved in shuttling the kids and watching them (versus rotating through babysitters). My kids are younger (4 and 6) and they love our AP.
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Anonymous
The first time is the hardest and it will get better. We were lucky, in that we went through the old system when we matched with our first AP. It took us no time. Our LCC identified the candidate for us, we interviewed her twice. And that was it. We did not get our act together with the handbook that first year. We did do it the second year and it was a lot of work! Now, it's just editing year-to-year changes. Also, we are now a well-oiled machine for the on-boarding process. We love the program! I am not sure if we have been lucky (we are on AP #4 now), or whether the program is a good fit for our personality and childcare needs. But we love hosting and getting to know these young women. We are in contact with all of our prior APs, and all of them came back to visit us. I frequently use the "niece" analogy when I describe the relationship that I have with our pairs. We treat our APs like a niece from an estranged sibling who comes to stay with us for a year and who takes care of our children in exchange for room and board. The matching process has been time-consuming in the last two years. Good luck getting through it! |
Anonymous
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Flexibility is #1 for us. Split shift, having extra coverage for sports/activities in the evenings, date night SCHEDULING versus hunting for babysitter, etc.
We've had 5 au pairs in our home so far. Two overseas (first is like a family member; second is current AP and great so far); two extension APs that both ended in rematch, and one that CAME from rematch and lasted 4 months with us before returning home. So, my advice: take the time to find a good overseas candidate, because the pool is MUCH larger and you'll likely get someone better than the in-country crowd. We're still happy with the program despite having a few serious duds. When you get a great AP, it can be really fantastic. We're now with APC and like that agency a lot more than CCAP. |