Politely Saying "No Gifts Please"

[Anonymous]

I'm a long-time host mom and my husband and I decided we need to ask our Au Pairs in a polite way to not get us gifts for Christmas and our birthdays. It is always so sweet of them to try to choose something for us and it is always something thoughtful but not necessary and they are using their money for it. I just feel terrible once they are gone giving the items away knowing that they spent time and money on them. My husband and I don't even exchange material possessions any longer (our last anniversary we both got our cars detailed!) Anyway, does anyone else have this policy and how do you word it in your handbook? We always give them cash and a few small token gifts for birthday and Christmas and I don't mind if they want to get something little for the kids...just want to save them the $ and effort.

[Anonymous]

Last Christmas and I said No gift and AP still got us gifts. It was like $5 gifts which I felt better about, some APs would do it anyway. Not sure how you can enforce the no gift policy.

[Anonymous]

You say nothing. Its the thought.

[Anonymous]

Ask them to make stuff with the kids rather than buying a gift.

[Anonymous]

Do they like to cook or bake? You could suggest that instead.

[Anonymous]

I think it's totally fine to tell your AP "No gifts, please." She can then decide what she wants to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them you're minimalists and that you would like them to save for their own activities or travel month.

[Anonymous]

We just give our AP more than usual to compensate as her Xmas gift. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

"We kindly ask that AP does not purchase gifts for host parents. Should the AP wish to purchase gifts for kids, homemade or small gifts for children are acceptable. Please let us know if you have any questions about this policy."

[Anonymous]

It's not polite to ask for gifts and it's also presumptuous to have a "policy" against them. If the AP feels inclined to give you something, let her. You may consider it "junk," but it's the thought that counts. Don't like it, regift it. And she may even think of the perfect one-of-a-kind gift that you will appreciate. (Our APs took photos of milestones and captured moments in the children's lives that were part of their day. Priceless.)