Prospective Au Pair has not asked to talk to our prior or current Au pairs

[Anonymous]

we are close to matching with a candidate and feel really good about it. She has informed the agency that she is very itnerested in us. She has not asked to speak to our current or former au pairs. We are going to offer this to her. But, should I be concerned that she is not trying to utilize this resource?

[Anonymous]

Maybe she just doesn't know it's an option. Or maybe she has really good instincts and knows that about herself.

[Anonymous]

Last year all of my canddats wanted to speak to the previous APs This year, none of them are asking. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Stop looking for problems where there aren't any.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t worry about it. She must like you.

[Anonymous]

THanks all. I will proceed. Just needed that extra boost of confidence

[Anonymous]

2 of my 4 au pairs have been friends of my first au pair. Pretty much no need to contact the previous ones!

[Anonymous]

Actually I am going to give a different opinion and say I would want her to talk to my former APS, I am an Au Pair and I have been Au pairing for quite a few families in different countries and therefore have experience looking for a family and helping my former host families finding an Au Pair/being used as a reference point for my former host families.

And I would never match without talking with a former AP and I would question an AP who didn't want to talk to me. I get people getting excited about finding a family, but I would find it worrying that someone would be so keen to uproot her life to join a family who might well be horrible to her when there are people who might give her an actual insight on life with them and while I, for example, provide overall good references for my former host families, I also bring up things I know could be a problem to future APS that I know the family might not mention, one had cameras, they never told me about for example and a bunch of rules I only found out when getting there, it's small things that might not bother certain APs but could easily lead to early rematch if the AP doesn't know about it and would have a massive problem with it so it seems benefitial for all to talk about it.

For the host family too there are benefits to having your favourite candidate talk to a former AP you trust.

When I help my former host families, my main interest is the well being of the kids I used to look after, I love them and I want the absolute best care for them, and interestingly enough, candidates tend to show their true colour when talking to me vs when adressing the actual host family.

Some of the candidates I have talked about I was shocked made it to the stage where they got to talk to me because it was CLEAR their interest was in the perks and not in the kids at all, some didn't even ask about the kids but would be like " so have you traveled with them at all? if so where?" " did they ever pay you more? " " would they give you extra time off if you wanted to travel" etc... things I never would personally ask a former AP or at least not without talking a lot about the kids first.

As an AP interviewing other APs, I have found that there are 3 types of AP:

- The ones who are there for the right reasons, they won't ask me about the perks, but will ask about the kids and want an honest answer about their personality and my experience looking after them, they will often talk to me about their experience with children and what they feel is their limitation and will want to know about the family and the family dynamic, as they want the global picture and it's clear they will pick the right family over the one that will provide them with the latest Iphone and are actually wanting to be part of a family and make the most of their experience.

- The ones who are there for the wrong reasons and see Au Pairing as a cheap way to travel and learn English and easy way to spend a year in the US. They make it clear to me they care mostly about the perks and won't settle for a family that will not provide them with what they think they deserve (often a lot of unreasonable requests) which is fair enough but you can tell, they think Au Pairing is baby-sitting and will begrudge working more than 25hours or a kid not going to school due to illness as it would interfer with their plans. They will mostly ask me about the perks and the questions about the kids will be " Are they spoiled?" (followed by stories of spoiled kids they know and how they've heards kids from the country they plan on Au pairing to are spoiled) , " Do they listen to you?" etc... not necessarily wrong questions but it's clear they don't care about who the kids are as individuals but more about how their behaviour will influence their day as an AP.

A lot of the things I report back to the families, often make them change their mind about certain candidates because it's clear they have painted them a picture that's not in tune with their actual expectations.

And then there is the 3rd kind of AP the one like your candidate OP that could go both ways because it's clear she's made up her mind and doesn't feel she needs to hear from other's experiences. Which may not be a bad thing cause she could be like the first group of AP in that she loves your host family so much already that she just can't imagine herself anywhere else and doesn't think anything anyone will say would change her mind.
Or it could be bad because she knows about your perks, knows you are the perfect family in that way and therefore wants you, but then end up being resentful the second they get their and realize that they are downsides to your family they weren't warned about.

Either way, for your sake and hers I would put them in touch, I am sure you will learn a lot about her, and having APS you trust approvals might give you that extra bit of confidence.

I have had messages from APs who didn't feel like talking to me before matching with a family (or would ask one general question and be happy about it) then text me a few weeks/months after arrival asking me why I didn't warn them of X, Y and Z because at they known they wouldn't have matched with them, when they made it clear during interview process that they didn't really care for my opinion because they thought they knew better ( the feedback came mostly from girls who went to work for a family that's located in the carribean and it's clear those girls saw the opportunity to live in the carribean, had it all pictured up in their mind and didn't care to hear about the actual reality of life in the carribean/with the family". So that would worry me (if you do offer a lot of perks).

[Anonymous]

As a Hostmom, I like them to talk to my previous ones to have the older au pairs get a gist of who the candidates really are, and a feel of if they will be a good fit.

Not showing any interest is a yellow flag. I’d probably reach out and let her know you’d like her to talk to a previous one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually I am going to give a different opinion and say I would want her to talk to my former APS, I am an Au Pair and I have been Au pairing for quite a few families in different countries and therefore have experience looking for a family and helping my former host families finding an Au Pair/being used as a reference point for my former host families.

And I would never match without talking with a former AP and I would question an AP who didn't want to talk to me. I get people getting excited about finding a family, but I would find it worrying that someone would be so keen to uproot her life to join a family who might well be horrible to her when there are people who might give her an actual insight on life with them and while I, for example, provide overall good references for my former host families, I also bring up things I know could be a problem to future APS that I know the family might not mention, one had cameras, they never told me about for example and a bunch of rules I only found out when getting there, it's small things that might not bother certain APs but could easily lead to early rematch if the AP doesn't know about it and would have a massive problem with it so it seems benefitial for all to talk about it.

For the host family too there are benefits to having your favourite candidate talk to a former AP you trust.

When I help my former host families, my main interest is the well being of the kids I used to look after, I love them and I want the absolute best care for them, and interestingly enough, candidates tend to show their true colour when talking to me vs when adressing the actual host family.

Some of the candidates I have talked about I was shocked made it to the stage where they got to talk to me because it was CLEAR their interest was in the perks and not in the kids at all, some didn't even ask about the kids but would be like " so have you traveled with them at all? if so where?" " did they ever pay you more? " " would they give you extra time off if you wanted to travel" etc... things I never would personally ask a former AP or at least not without talking a lot about the kids first.

As an AP interviewing other APs, I have found that there are 3 types of AP:

- The ones who are there for the right reasons, they won't ask me about the perks, but will ask about the kids and want an honest answer about their personality and my experience looking after them, they will often talk to me about their experience with children and what they feel is their limitation and will want to know about the family and the family dynamic, as they want the global picture and it's clear they will pick the right family over the one that will provide them with the latest Iphone and are actually wanting to be part of a family and make the most of their experience.

- The ones who are there for the wrong reasons and see Au Pairing as a cheap way to travel and learn English and easy way to spend a year in the US. They make it clear to me they care mostly about the perks and won't settle for a family that will not provide them with what they think they deserve (often a lot of unreasonable requests) which is fair enough but you can tell, they think Au Pairing is baby-sitting and will begrudge working more than 25hours or a kid not going to school due to illness as it would interfer with their plans. They will mostly ask me about the perks and the questions about the kids will be " Are they spoiled?" (followed by stories of spoiled kids they know and how they've heards kids from the country they plan on Au pairing to are spoiled) , " Do they listen to you?" etc... not necessarily wrong questions but it's clear they don't care about who the kids are as individuals but more about how their behaviour will influence their day as an AP.

A lot of the things I report back to the families, often make them change their mind about certain candidates because it's clear they have painted them a picture that's not in tune with their actual expectations.

And then there is the 3rd kind of AP the one like your candidate OP that could go both ways because it's clear she's made up her mind and doesn't feel she needs to hear from other's experiences. Which may not be a bad thing cause she could be like the first group of AP in that she loves your host family so much already that she just can't imagine herself anywhere else and doesn't think anything anyone will say would change her mind.
Or it could be bad because she knows about your perks, knows you are the perfect family in that way and therefore wants you, but then end up being resentful the second they get their and realize that they are downsides to your family they weren't warned about.

Either way, for your sake and hers I would put them in touch, I am sure you will learn a lot about her, and having APS you trust approvals might give you that extra bit of confidence.

I have had messages from APs who didn't feel like talking to me before matching with a family (or would ask one general question and be happy about it) then text me a few weeks/months after arrival asking me why I didn't warn them of X, Y and Z because at they known they wouldn't have matched with them, when they made it clear during interview process that they didn't really care for my opinion because they thought they knew better ( the feedback came mostly from girls who went to work for a family that's located in the carribean and it's clear those girls saw the opportunity to live in the carribean, had it all pictured up in their mind and didn't care to hear about the actual reality of life in the carribean/with the family". So that would worry me (if you do offer a lot of perks).

Thank you for your thoughtful and detailed response. We are not a very perky family. We follow the rules. She doesn’t strike be as type two, but we did go ahead and put her in contact with our past and present au pairs. Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Agree with a PP. None of our interviewees asked to be put in touch with prior APs. Some asked how our relationship was or why our AP was leaving, but didn't pursue further.

Since NONE asked, I don't see it as a red flag. Only if some had asked and others didn't. I figured it's the latest chatter in AP groups or our agency's guidance not to ask because it's so across the board.

We put a link to a YouTube vlog by an AP that chronicles her day to show what life is like.

[Anonymous]

After our first, all of our au pair candidates have talked to our previous au pairs. If they haven't mentioned it, we request it. We use it as part of the interview process. Our old au pairs all love our kids and I trust their opinions. Most of the time, they have liked the candidates they've talked to, but occasionally they will tell me something one of them said that was very different from what I understood and that really helps the process.

[Anonymous]

We never wait for the candidate to ask. Instead, we suggest to the candidate talk to our former au pairs and we provide contact information. I would never match with a candidate who has not spoken to at least our current au pair. I want them to be able to speak candidly and to learn first-hand what it’s like to be our au pair. There only so much you can convey during interviews. And I want the AP to have the right expectations when she gets here.