Is this a red flag?

[Anonymous]

I started a new position about three weeks ago and it’s been good for the most part. However my employer seems to have a horrible relationship with her mother - to the point of taking flowers that her mother just sent her and throwing them in the trash while screaming that her mother was a POS. My employer also hates her mother-in-law.

I am an older nanny with a definite mothering vibe. All of my previous employers have great relationships with their mothers.

Is this a red flag?

[Anonymous]

I would say more of a yellow flag...LOL. I think the screaming that someone is a POS in front of you is more concerning than throwing flowers away. It doesnt seem like it would affect your job as their Nanny tho.

[Anonymous]

I think the screaming is more of a red flag than the tossing of the flowers.

[Anonymous]

I hope the woman is in counseling, but it doesn't sound like it. Yes, her behavior is a definite red flag. You'll see...

[Anonymous]

You don't know anything about their relationship or her upbringing. It says more about you that you've come on an anonymous forum to have people join you in judging her than it does about her.

Quit now, she will figure out soon enough that you don't like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't know anything about their relationship or her upbringing. It says more about you that you've come on an anonymous forum to have people join you in judging her than it does about her.

Quit now, she will figure out soon enough that you don't like her.

You don't have a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't know anything about their relationship or her upbringing. It says more about you that you've come on an anonymous forum to have people join you in judging her than it does about her.

Quit now, she will figure out soon enough that you don't like her.

Wow, Sweetie, get help. You are really projecting your own insecurities and emotional issues on this post.

OP asked a question. Your weird interpretation of her question says everything about you!

And yes, OP, I do think your employers behavior is a little red flag.

[Anonymous]

I would be cautious re: her ever getting angry at you.

She sounds like she harbors a lot of ill will inside which may or may not be projected unto you.

[Anonymous]

My mother did something that hurt me a lot (and permanently), but I would never scream about her to an employee (or anyone else really). A big display of anger is not appropriate in front of you. Not sure I'd give up a job I otherwise liked over it, but see how she behaves toward others in general.

[Anonymous]

The way she manages anger and what she is choosing to show you would be a concern to me.

I don't know if it's a red flag yet. Her relationship w/ extended family isn't directly relevant to your job but I'd keep my eyes open to how she behaves w/ her kid(s) and you and go from there.

It's not a sign of a well-balanced, mature individual, for sure, but that doesn't necessarily mean it bodes ill for you.

[Anonymous]

I worked for a similarity “damaged” woman who told me several times that she wished her MIL dead and only tolerated her mother for free weekend babysitting. Our working relationship did not end well.

Bottom line is I would be cautious with any broken person in an authority position as one wrong move (in her mind) and you will be gone. If she is able to call her own mother a piece of s***, what will she call a hired employee?

Keep your distance, OP, and be ready to be fired at any moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked for a similarity “damaged” woman who told me several times that she wished her MIL dead and only tolerated her mother for free weekend babysitting. Our working relationship did not end well.

Bottom line is I would be cautious with any broken person in an authority position as one wrong move (in her mind) and you will be gone. If she is able to call her own mother a piece of s***, what will she call a hired employee?

Keep your distance, OP, and be ready to be fired at any moment.

Total truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked for a similarity “damaged” woman who told me several times that she wished her MIL dead and only tolerated her mother for free weekend babysitting. Our working relationship did not end well.

Bottom line is I would be cautious with any broken person in an authority position as one wrong move (in her mind) and you will be gone. If she is able to call her own mother a piece of s***, what will she call a hired employee?

Keep your distance, OP, and be ready to be fired at any moment.

Total truth.

+2

[Anonymous]

I think so because you could be put in the middle with them. She has anger management problems and screaming is probably how she handles her stress. Chances are good that she will scream at you one day. Personally, I would be looking for a new position. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I’d look at it from the perspective of the child(ren)’s caregiver. What relationship are they allowed with the grandmother? What will the mother say or do if she experiences jealousy over that relationship? Does the mother have rational or irrational fears about what her mother might do? Can the grandmother be trusted (supervised or alone) with the child(ren)’s mental, emotional and physical wellbeing?