How old was your oldest when you stopped (or would stop) with APs-- younger kids may still need one?
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Anonymous
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My kids are about 4 1/2 years apart in age. I know there is a point when I will need to stop having an au pair around for the oldest, but my youngest likely still shouldn't be home alone or I will need help with driving them around, etc?
Is having a 16, 14 and 12 year old too old? That would likely be our outer limit, but not sure |
Anonymous
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It's all about your circumstances.
If I were still married and had a spouse to cover gaps, I would not need one still (I have a 10/13 yo). However, since I am not anymore and we have driving needs, split schedules, activities, different schools with different timing and visitation days, it's still a need for me. I cannot find a reliable local sitters. |
Anonymous
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At 10/13, I couldn't leave my kids alone for hours after work or a snow day or throughout the summer. I totally get that.
There starts t oget to this gray area on the older kids (teens - early high school). I was wondering if anyone had experience with how that works with APs. |
Anonymous
Look for someone 24-26. Be clear that you’re looking less for entertainment and supervision, due to children’s ages. Most AP will understand that. Phrase it as a big sister type, someone they can talk to when they’re nervous about a dance, when a boy breaks their heart. Alternatively, look for someone super sporty who will get them moving on long bike rides or who can help with soccer drills. Most importantly, the kids need to realize that this is still important, they’re still in charge, but that it’s reasonable for them to (politely!) ask the AP not to treat them like little kids if AP tries. |
Anonymous
| I will be in this situation soon too, my oldest is 5.5 years older than the youngest. I can’t imagine not having a driver for all the after school stuff + we do pick ups from our Elementary school, until the oldest can at least drive herself around. On many afternoons our kids just need to be in 3differnt places at once. So I guess I’ll keep AP until the oldest can drive herself... And that would be my explanation— I need a friend who drives not really a supervisor. Now the oldest is 12, and I would not say our AP supervises her besides offering food here and there, and driving. When they are home, the oldest finds activities for herself. |
Anonymous
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5:38 -- Helpful tips. thanks.
6:32 -- My oldest is a boy so it gets a little awkward there too. I guess we'll muddle through, but yes... at one point, I feel like I just need a driver... |
Anonymous
5.38 again. So look for a guy. I know a couple male APs who are great with kids, play soccer with them, wrestle, etc. None of them cook, and cleaning up, even after themselves, is a crapshoot. But they’re great with kids, both boys and girls. |
Anonymous
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I have two boys and My oldest is a 13.5 yo boy and I still use female au pairs. He is just good at his privacy and closing his door. It’s not awkward and they love having their big sister.
I think as they get older and me still needing the help, I look for girls that have younger brothers so they get it and know about the interests mine have and can relate. I don’t know that I have to go much older (I still look for gap years from Europe) yet but maybe I will later. My incoming loves video games just as much as my sons, so I’m hoping they’ll get along well. My youngest is still young enough to like to do cooking or play games with the au pair so it’s a delicate balance. But mostly she just supervises, makes food and drives. |