Nanny looking for babysitting hours

[Anonymous]

We have one child. DD is will be 3 this summer and we have a full-time nanny.

On the (somewhat rare) occasion that my husband and I go out in the evenings, we use a neighborhood high schooler to babysit. She charges literally half of what we pay our nanny. Babysitting usually consists of having about an hour of play time, then dinner (DD feeds herself and eats just about anything we give her), then putting her to bed. DD goes down easily and does not require any sort of rocking, staying in her room, etc. We essentially put her down in her crib, say goodnight, turn off the light, and she's good to go. She's in bed before 8 pm. She's also potty trained. As toddlers go, she's a relatively "easy going" one.

The babysitter is usually at our house from about 5 pm-10 pm (give or take). She does the hand-off directly with our nanny and our nanny shows her what to feed DD for dinner. Nanny leaves at 5 and lives about 25 minutes away.

Our nanny has recently told us that she's looking to earn a bit more money due to a short-term family issue and she asked us to use her instead of our babysitter. I did admit to her that the main reason we use our babysitter is the price. She said she wouldn't charge us a full rate for babysitting, but did not specify what she would charge. I would never ever dream of asking her to match our babysitter's rate given that our babysitter is a high schooler (albeit a very mature one). So if we asked our nanny to babysit rather than our usual babysitter, it really would be more to help her than anything else.

I will ask our nanny what rate she would charge for babysitting, but what do you think would be fair given what she said and the fact she knows we usually hire a babysitter?

Also, most of the time we need the babysitter right at 5 pm when our nanny leaves, but on a few upcoming occasions I could see us not needing a babysitter until around 7 pm. Given that our nanny lives 25 minutes away it wouldn't make sense for her to go home and come back. What do people do in that instance? Do you just leave the nanny in charge and thus pay for the hours you're home even though you don't actually need the care? Does the nanny go somewhere for a bit or just hang out, but off the clock? Something else?

[Anonymous]

You need to have an open discussion with your nanny. While I would never dream of paying our nanny less than her rate, I know many parents aren’t as financially secure as we are and every dollar counts.

Talk frankly to your nanny. Honestly she could earn far more with an outside nanny/sitter job and I am sure you know families who could use her on evenings and weekends.

[Anonymous]

You're pretty crappy not to have given your nanny right of first refusal. Also, my child's welfare is of far greater importance to me than being cheap.

[Anonymous]

Pp, you are so right about giving your nanny first right of refusal. I’ve been with my nanny family for 7 years and they offer the extra hours to the teen down the street. I’ve told them that this hurts me, but they don’t seem to care. Yet, I accommodate every schedule change they throw my way, with little to no notice. I have a mortgage and health insurance, I’m not some teen trying to save for a new iPhone. I wish they would take that into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to have an open discussion with your nanny. While I would never dream of paying our nanny less than her rate, I know many parents aren’t as financially secure as we are and every dollar counts.

Talk frankly to your nanny. Honestly she could earn far more with an outside nanny/sitter job and I am sure you know families who could use her on evenings and weekends.

This. Cutting her hourly rate because she is desperate for money is not the way to go. Help your nanny find a side-gig. Do not nickle and dime a longtime nanny. It will lead to resentment.

[Anonymous]

Your nanny is asking for a favor: you should do what you can to accommodate, but you’re also not obligated to do more than you can comfortably accommodate. One possible solution could be give your nanny some additional evenings based on how much you can afford at her regular rate or whatever rate she proposes. Maybe have your nanny take the nights that start at 5 but continue to use your other sitter for the 7pm starts? You could also offer your nanny the 7pm nights and let her decide if the split shift is worth the hassle, but I don’t think it’s necessary to pay for hours you don’t need just to give your nanny more hours. Also, if your date nights needs are “somewhat rare” as you describe, it’s likely that the more helpful thing for her to earn a good deal of money quickly would be offering to put in a good word with other moms you know or to be available as a reference for any date night families she finds.

[Anonymous]

I used to nanny and I would never offer a lower rate. It seems she’s really desperate for any money even lowering her rate so you’ll use her and not the high schooler. You should not have agreed to a lower rate. You should pay her the hourly rate you always pay her. If you tell her that you’ll be a reference if she looks for work elsewhere, she might take it as you don’t want to use her. This whole situation is messy enough.

[Anonymous]

MB here.

We use teenagers for babysitters also, for precisely the same reason.

I would not pay my nanny less than her hourly rate to babysit - it's just not right. Also, legally we are required to pay her overtime rate if we ask her to stay late or handle an evening. I won't skirt the law. So we rarely use her for regular babysitting.

I will recommend my nanny to others - so that's something you could offer your nanny. Or you could think about whether you want to give her a small raise perhaps (if she's due, that's appropriate, you can afford it, etc...) But I wouldn't pay her some diminished rate for extra hours.

Re the "right of first refusal" think - I think the outrage about that is absurd. Babysitters and nannies are different - the job is different and the pay is different. Paying professional nanny rates for a saturday evening date night is not necessary. A nanny is free to take extra hours, work a second job, take a first job that doesn't require them to work a second job, etc... - just like any other working professional.

[Anonymous]

Agree with this. The job is different and the pay is different.

My son is a little younger, but also pretty easy going like OP's child. Our nanny engages him, takes him to activities, etc. Our babysitter microwaves his food and puts him to bed. He likes her a lot, but he also only sees her for about two waking hours each time. I would not leave him with just anyone who has a low rate, but I certainly don't feel like I need full-time nanny watching him for those instances either. Our babysitter had references from multiple neighborhood families and I have always felt comfortable leaving him with her.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Interesting take on the "right of first refusal." We only have one child and I had not heard this term before.

Our nanny has been with us for just over three months. We've been using our babysitter for date nights for more than a year. Our first nanny left at the end of 2018 to go to grad school. She had been taking night classes while she was with us so babysitting wasn't an option. So for all the posters who think I'm "pretty crappy" for not giving our still newish nanny "right of first refusal" I'm curious if you think a nanny automatically earns that "right" from day one even if there's been an established babysitter.

I will let my social circle know that she's available for date nights and provide a reference for her as other posters have suggested.

[Anonymous]

OP, no need to overthink the right of first refusal thing. You are getting some people calling you out because that is the relationship they have or wish they have, but there are also nannies who would feel pressured and overworked if their employers always ask them first for any date nights or extended hours, and be unhappy that their employers haven't put in the work to develop a roster of back up options. And especially if this is a short term thing for your nanny, she may not even want to be your go-to babysitter after this short-term money issue is resolved. Just talk to her a bit more about the whole situation.

Our #1 preference for childcare, even at OT rates or with travel expenses, would be our nanny. However, we know based on her resume/references that the normal hours she works with us is already on the high end of what she has done with previous families, and she's not a tireless robot. She has offered to do occasional date nights and the like, and we do sometimes ask her to do extended hours or come on vacation with us. But we also go to other babysitters / family members first in a lot of situations where we feel like we might burn her out with the frequency of our requests.

[Anonymous]

You can legally rewrite your contract to include babysitting at minimum wage, and then pay OT on that babysitting wage. That should be comparable to your high school student. Unless the high schooler only sits for you, giving your nanny 50% of babysitting shouldn’t be a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Career nanny here. This is a tricky situation.

One one hand, you do not owe the nanny babysitting hours and the PP’s rant about 1st refusal is ridiculous. Additionally, you need to have other options for the times that your nanny isn’t available and if you never use a sitter, you won’t have one available when needed. And some nannies truly do not want extra hours but may feel pressured when asked (though they have a voice and should learn to use it if that is the case).

One the other hand, try to have a heart (in general, not just in this situation). If you are only going out once a month, offer it to the nanny if you can.

Legally, you need to pay OT for all hours beyond 40. That is the only reason I don’t mind babysitting, though would only come in on the weekend of truly needed. Personally, would I want to pay someone $35/hr to babysit? Nope! But my charges are completely comfortable with me; I know them, the house, and can absolutely handle an emergency. The parents value that and would prefer that I am the one who stays with them.

Only you can decide what works for you. I agree with others that I would not lower her rate. If you can offer her extra hours, including OT if applicable, great! But she is an adult and her finances are her responsibility. On that note: if you are not paying her well, she may be looking for another position given her financial situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're pretty crappy not to have given your nanny right of first refusal. Also, my child's welfare is of far greater importance to me than being cheap.

I disagree. Why pay $30/ hour when you can have someone else do it for $12? It’s a big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're pretty crappy not to have given your nanny right of first refusal. Also, my child's welfare is of far greater importance to me than being cheap.

I disagree. Why pay $30/ hour when you can have someone else do it for $12? It’s a big difference.

Agree.

My employers pay me $22/hour but for date night care, I told them $15/hr with a 4 hour minimum is fine. Thr kids are super easy and I'm on my phone half the time. No need to be paying your nanny the same hourly rate for evening babysitting. Honestly, I would just refer her to other families and keep having the high school sitter who the kids have been used to more for date night care.