Nanny Share not working bc other kid is difficult

[Anonymous]

We've had a nanny for a few months for my 2 year old and 6 month old, and it's been going well. My friend had her 2 year old child in an in-home daycare, and unfortunately the provider had health issues. She then had her mom taking care of the child, who also had health issues and could no longer watch the child (yes, I'm starting to question her story). She goes on maternity leave in April, so I offered for her child to stay with our nanny and my 2 children during the day until April, with her paying my nanny. I thought it was win-win because she would have care for her child, my nanny would make some extra money, I would save some money, and my 2 year old would have a playmate (they've played well together before).

Well, turns out the other child has major separation anxiety. It's been 2 weeks and he still cries all day long and asks for dada and mama. My nanny is frustrated, and it's obviously not fun for my 2 year old. His parents yell at him for crying, so that's not helpful, but not really in my purview to change. My friend always tells me how she's so grateful and her kid loves it here. I feel like my options are to just tell her it's not working out, and she would have to try to find care for 6 weeks, or just stick it out and hope the separation anxiety gets better (has been 2 weeks, and it seemed like it was getting better, but today is going awful) I work from home so I know how bad it is.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

A month can feel like a very long time with a screaming child. You as the hosting (and paying) parent, need to have a talk with the other family and let them know, although, this arrangement is temporary, they need to be willing to work with their child and helping him transition in the mornings as his crying disrupts the flow of things and affect your child(ren). I would let them know that if you don’t see a change in the next X days, then you guys have to part ways. You definitely don’t want to burn out your nanny but I would talk to the nanny as well (separately) to see how she feels because she may already be over it and then you may have problem.

Keep in mind, it can take a child a while to adjust as it seems he’s already had 3 childcare providers.

[Anonymous]

I think you should have a meeting with both the nanny and the other family to express your concerns. At this time, you could mention the concerns and any proposed changes to the contract. It isn't fair to your kids if the separation anxiety is causing nanny to take more time with other child or deters from providing care to your kids. It isn't fair to nanny to change agreement of her getting extra money or deal with a screaming kid all day. Not fair to other family to just bail, without appropriate arrangement time. And in reality, they'll have a hard time finding someone for only 6 weeks.

Separation anxiety at 2 is pretty normal, especially given major changes with child care arrangements. I'd just have honest conversation with other parents where you communicate your concerns (not fair to nanny, your child is unhappy, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- your nanny is going to quit if you don’t nip this in the bud.

[Anonymous]

It definitely is in your purview to tell the other parents that three children are too much, and give me them one week's notice MAX to make other arrangements. This will not get better. Believe me. Do not allow them to try to bargain with you in any way.

And then thank the nanny for putting up with this nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here- your nanny is going to quit if you don’t nip this in the bud.

it's only til April so this is unlikely. (Not OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It definitely is in your purview to tell the other parents that three children are too much, and give me them one week's notice MAX to make other arrangements. This will not get better. Believe me. Do not allow them to try to bargain with you in any way.

And then thank the nanny for putting up with this nightmare.

The problem isn’t three kids, it’s that one child is having a tough time and crying all day. Nannies take care of 3 and 4 kids all the time. She should be honest and not lie.

[Anonymous]

You volunteered without asking your nanny? I would have quit on the spot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It definitely is in your purview to tell the other parents that three children are too much, and give me them one week's notice MAX to make other arrangements. This will not get better. Believe me. Do not allow them to try to bargain with you in any way.

And then thank the nanny for putting up with this nightmare.

The problem isn’t three kids, it’s that one child is having a tough time and crying all day. Nannies take care of 3 and 4 kids all the time. She should be honest and not lie.

I doubt that parent will listen to the truth.
Just get them out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It definitely is in your purview to tell the other parents that three children are too much, and give me them one week's notice MAX to make other arrangements. This will not get better. Believe me. Do not allow them to try to bargain with you in any way.

And then thank the nanny for putting up with this nightmare.

The problem isn’t three kids, it’s that one child is having a tough time and crying all day. Nannies take care of 3 and 4 kids all the time. She should be honest and not lie.

I doubt that parent will listen to the truth.
Just get them out!

So, phrase it as a truth the parent will hear.

Your child is crying for a long time everyday. I frustrated me that my kids aren’t getting what they need because the nanny I hired is trying to console your DC. The nanny is frustrated because she can’t console your child. I’m afraid that my nanny is going to quit, and while you will be off in April, I don’t have that option. I need to keep this nanny.

Is there any way you and DH can stagger times so that DC is here less each day? Can you each work from home one day per week so that DC is only here three days? The current situation isn’t working, but as much as I want to help, things need to change.

Also, if you need temporary help, you can contact metro parent relief, nanny poppinz, or another agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It definitely is in your purview to tell the other parents that three children are too much, and give me them one week's notice MAX to make other arrangements. This will not get better. Believe me. Do not allow them to try to bargain with you in any way.

And then thank the nanny for putting up with this nightmare.

The problem isn’t three kids, it’s that one child is having a tough time and crying all day. Nannies take care of 3 and 4 kids all the time. She should be honest and not lie.

I doubt that parent will listen to the truth.
Just get them out!

So, phrase it as a truth the parent will hear.

Your child is crying for a long time everyday. I frustrated me that my kids aren’t getting what they need because the nanny I hired is trying to console your DC. The nanny is frustrated because she can’t console your child. I’m afraid that my nanny is going to quit, and while you will be off in April, I don’t have that option. I need to keep this nanny.

Is there any way you and DH can stagger times so that DC is here less each day? Can you each work from home one day per week so that DC is only here three days? The current situation isn’t working, but as much as I want to help, things need to change.

Also, if you need temporary help, you can contact metro parent relief, nanny poppinz, or another agency.

Sounds sweet, but you are delusional.

[Anonymous]

The child wants and needs his mother at this point in time. The mom should be raising her own child if this is the case. She needs to stop working for a while until the child can adjust in a year or 2.

I would have been traumatized if someone had taken me away from my mother at that age. I was raised by my mom, not by strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The child wants and needs his mother at this point in time. The mom should be raising her own child if this is the case. She needs to stop working for a while until the child can adjust in a year or 2.

I would have been traumatized if someone had taken me away from my mother at that age. I was raised by my mom, not by strangers.

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