Common Items Provided By Host Families vs. Perks

[Anonymous]

Our au pair was told by her in-country representative (and allegedly during U.S. training) that Au Pairs receive minimum $200/week for themselves, and that families provide "everything else," including when they eat outside the house with friends.

When we asked our LCC, we were told that this would not have been said. We have asked for a list of common expenditures by host families and we were told there is no list because it varies from family to family.

We pay a flat $250/week; $70 per month for gas; $80 per month for phone; $100 car insurance; imported food; parking whenever she must pay for parking for kid-related activity; all participation in kid-related activities; costs for obtaining driver's license; parking for when she studies; and provide three meals a day. We cannot afford to pay for going out money with friends, toiletries, etc. - our utility bills have gone way up since she arrived. We felt like we were giving a good number of perks, but she constantly brings up what her friends are getting - and I feel like we are doing a pretty good job since, e.g., she has a car that she uses exclusively. Maybe we are just too poor for this program.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by "going out money"? We pay for basic toiletries (shampoo and conditioner from Costco, soap, toilet paper for her bathroom of course) and pay fees for cluster meeting outings (as in LCC actually plans it) but pocket money for going out with friends is what the stipend is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair was told by her in-country representative (and allegedly during U.S. training) that Au Pairs receive minimum $200/week for themselves, and that families provide "everything else," including when they eat outside the house with friends.

When we asked our LCC, we were told that this would not have been said. We have asked for a list of common expenditures by host families and we were told there is no list because it varies from family to family.

We pay a flat $250/week; $70 per month for gas; $80 per month for phone; $100 car insurance; imported food; parking whenever she must pay for parking for kid-related activity; all participation in kid-related activities; costs for obtaining driver's license; parking for when she studies; and provide three meals a day. We cannot afford to pay for going out money with friends, toiletries, etc. - our utility bills have gone way up since she arrived. We felt like we were giving a good number of perks, but she constantly brings up what her friends are getting - and I feel like we are doing a pretty good job since, e.g., she has a car that she uses exclusively. Maybe we are just too poor for this program.

What you are providing is sufficient. I am not sure what your AP thinks the $250 is for every week if you are also to cover their social life.

Give her an account on NetFlix and tell her that is her social option if she wants you to pay for her to go to a bar or out partying.

[Anonymous]

Next year give your AP the standard stipend plus $50/week fun money. It's the same to you but makes a difference in their attitude

[Anonymous]

You are more than generous with the $250 and I would remind her of that. I always tell our APs that there will be some families (like yours) that pay more, since we just give the standard rate. And some families will offer more perks. We do not want to hear about it. And...I'd make some variation of that clear to your AP.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her — fine, we will give you 195.75 a week and $40 a week to spend socializing with her friends. I only give the stipend and we have had great luck with au pairs.

[Anonymous]

When we are liking a prospective AP, I send a "this is what you will get and this is what you won't get with us" email. I spell out: We live in a very expensive town but have a small house, whereas their friends will live in enormous mansions with a wing of the house to themselves. They will drive Mercedes SUVs and Range Rovers, they will go on vacation with their HFs to fancy resorts, and they may well get more than the stipend. If any of this matters to them, they should go match with one of those families, because this is not who we are, and we never want to hear about all that their friends have (just as we don't want to hear it from our kids - we get that their friends have much more expensive gifts and clothing than our kids do; that's life). In our house, they will get a clear schedule, a 25 hour work week, absolute strict following of the AP Program rules, a family with a dozen years in the AP program and 11 APs for them to talk to and hear about our strengths and weaknesses, and a family that will welcome them and ask about their day and care about their experience. They need to decide what they want because if they want our family, i never ever once want to hear about what they aren't getting.

In OP's shoes, I would sit AP down and spell ths out now. If AP wants to rematch, let her. And then from now on, be crystal clear about who you are and what you are offering (which is standard in most senses and more than most in terms of payment). Let APs know flat out that you are who you are and you aren't interested in her complaining about it if she decides to match with you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Whoa! Can you imagine the bills a 20-something would rack up on the weekends?

[Anonymous]

That's crazy talk

I give $200/week
I give her a credit card to charge gas and activities/food that are needed by the kids.

Her social life is on her dime.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, you have an AP with a bad attitude. We never gave more than the minimum, worked them hard (40+ hours), did NOT pay for personal gas, 2 weeks vacation (1 we chose, 1 she chose), federal holidays off, no phone, bathroom shared with kids, bedroom on same floor as other bedrooms. No one ever complained. If you are just getting started with her, I'm not sure if you will be able to tolerate a year of this. If you choose to try, get LCC to set her straight on the going out money; that's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Your AP is manipulating you, and I’m guessing she lied when she said whatever bs the in-country rep allegedly said. I would put an end to her poor attitude, and lead the conversation towards rematch if she’s that unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Wow so you pay her $50 extra/month and she ungrateful and wants more? I wouldn't be able to tolerate that, please rematch she is spoiled brat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next year give your AP the standard stipend plus $50/week fun money. It's the same to you but makes a difference in their attitude

This is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow so you pay her $50 extra/month and she ungrateful and wants more? I wouldn't be able to tolerate that, please rematch she is spoiled brat!

It’s 50 extra a week!

[Anonymous]

It’s only $200/week??