Do your APs give gifts?

[Anonymous]

APs clearly expect gifts from the host family. But how many APs bother to get gifts for the host family (or at least the kids)? Do you reimburse APs if they shop for the kids (whether giving them an upfront budget to buy the kids gifts from them or giving a bonus large enough to handle a few toys)?

[Anonymous]

Our APs (3) have all given each of us a thoughtful gift in the $20 range - so $60 total is my guess. A toy for CS, some kind of bath and body works thing for me and some kind of food gift for DH. I give them 2-3 gifts (total budget about $200
- sometimes cash, sometimes something I know they want, sometimes a mix) and they usually also get something from my parents like a sweater. We would never consider giving them $ to buy us gifts. Your tone suggests you expect the worst, which simply hasn't been our experience with our lovely au pairs. Hope she will surprise you!

[Anonymous]

Our APs have always given us gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our APs (3) have all given each of us a thoughtful gift in the $20 range - so $60 total is my guess. A toy for CS, some kind of bath and body works thing for me and some kind of food gift for DH. I give them 2-3 gifts (total budget about $200
- sometimes cash, sometimes something I know they want, sometimes a mix) and they usually also get something from my parents like a sweater. We would never consider giving them $ to buy us gifts. Your tone suggests you expect the worst, which simply hasn't been our experience with our lovely au pairs. Hope she will surprise you!

Other host families in AP’s cohort did the allowance/reimburse route, so I was surprised at that.

[Anonymous]

All our au pairs have given us gifts on birthdays and on Christmas. We do not reimburse them for the gifts.

[Anonymous]

Our APs have always given gifts without reimbursement, also for our birthdays (the adults not just the kids).

[Anonymous]

I was an au pair a long time ago when the stipend was $100. I bought my HM a birthday present, I think it was a decorative bar of soap or something, less than $20, but she looked at it like it was a piece of trash. Ill never forget that face.

[Anonymous]

My APs do not always give gifts, to HPs and also sometimes not to kids for birthdays, Christmas. I am completely fine with it if they do not. I do wish, however, when they don't give a gift to kids they would at least make a card or something. Just to show a thought for them. But again, it's ok.

Never occurred to me to reimburse. That seems strange to me. Although I have seen my APs have varying degrees of thrifty-ness, they do shop and could spare a token a couple of times a year if they choose. And if they choose not to, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Gifts should trickle down. She shouldn't be buying you a gift. MAYBE something small for the kids only ($10/kid).

[Anonymous]

Our aps have always given nice gifts to our kids at the holidays and birthdays. Not expensive but I’m sure they cost more than $10-20. They’ve also given us nice gifts, including a movie gift certificate, a nice candle (Diptyque or similar), fancy chocolates. We give them nice gifts at Christmas (gift, gc and money), and usually extra cash at their birthdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My APs do not always give gifts, to HPs and also sometimes not to kids for birthdays, Christmas. I am completely fine with it if they do not. I do wish, however, when they don't give a gift to kids they would at least make a card or something. Just to show a thought for them. But again, it's ok.

Never occurred to me to reimburse. That seems strange to me. Although I have seen my APs have varying degrees of thrifty-ness, they do shop and could spare a token a couple of times a year if they choose. And if they choose not to, so be it.

All or none, as long as AP isn’t gifting to one kid and not another, it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

My APs have always gifted for birthdays and Christmas. I tell each one, that they do not need to give a gift. I try to be insistent that they should not get me and my husband gifts but it makes them happy to gift so we go with it. Often it’s very thoughtful like a photo book. I love all the photo books I have received.

[Anonymous]

Former AP here. I gave my charges & their parents gifts for Xmas (or Hannukah) and on their birthdays as well.

No one is expecting anything nor would want to be reimbursed, that doesn't make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:APs clearly expect gifts from the host family. But how many APs bother to get gifts for the host family (or at least the kids)? Do you reimburse APs if they shop for the kids (whether giving them an upfront budget to buy the kids gifts from them or giving a bonus large enough to handle a few toys)?

Then it's not really a gift from AP.

[Anonymous]

Ok, well, it’s clearly not the norm. Maybe the person meant well and miscommunicated. Or maybe they have a weird relationship with the AP.