AP and Food

[Anonymous]

We are hosting our 7th au pair and I’m encountering a situation I’ve never had. Our au pair loves to eat. Like really loves to eat. Our grocery bill is now at least 25% higher. If it is not nailed down, she will eat it. She is 5’11 and big boned but she eats three huge meals everyday. I’m struggling with how to balance our desire to make her feel comfortable and a part of our family while ensuring that our dinner for the next night doesn’t get consumed in one sitting. I’m watching her prepare her “late night snack” aka dinner #2 and starting to feel really frustrated. Any thoughts on how to set some boundaries politely?

[Anonymous]

Our grocery bill is at least 30% higher because of imported food, etc., and she’s tiny. To cut back we bought a soda stream and started buying veggies, frozen meat, and rice and pasta at Costco, making our own bread, and using dried beans and lentils.

[Anonymous]

I have APs take over their own shopping and reimburse. Doesn’t lower the bill but it does unburden me from the shopping. My rules is, their meals out are on them but the things they typically eat, they need to separately buy.

Maybe your previous au pairs did this without prompting and were too shy to ask for money?

[Anonymous]

Honestly? Suck it up. You're responsible for feeding an AP. So, your girl sounds more like a "bro-pair" in levels of eating. Shop more at Aldi or Costco.

How are you going to set boundaries? "Sorry, Larla, I think you eat too much. We're only going to provide meals and no snacks. Buy your own with your measly stipend." or "Sorry, Larla, I'm concerned about your weight because you've been eating everything in sight. You know, Americans tend to be on a perpetual diet. Why don't you try skipping snacks to avoid gaining 15lbs over the holidays?"

Do you want her to buy a ton of junk food, hoard it in her room, and eat that instead so it keeps your pantry fuller?

If you don't want her to eat all the leftovers or you're tired of cooking for her, you can say that. Don't say that you're not going to provide food or she needs to cut back on her eating.

[Anonymous]

With our AP we go through triple the orange juice that we used to and triple the bread. Those things we just suck up. What we will not suck up is when the AP wants a completely different set of groceries that is different from what we eat and won't eat the food that we prepare at home.

[Anonymous]

OP, you simply need to buy more food. As simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Our Au Pair is a rematch and in her first family she said she went hungry all the time. The parents would get a Blue Apron meal for 2 and share with the family of 4 and her for dinner and that was it. She said she had to buy her own food outside of the meals that were provided. She's not a huge eater either. It's sad how some families treat their Au Pairs.

[Anonymous]

I can understand if she is eating leftovers you had planned for the next dinner instead of finding something else to snack on but I think that is easily solved. 'We're going to have these leftovers for dinner tomorrow so I'm asking everyone in the family not to eat it'. There is plenty of popcorn/ fruit/ cheese/ etc instead".

And yes, go to Costco more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our Au Pair is a rematch and in her first family she said she went hungry all the time. The parents would get a Blue Apron meal for 2 and share with the family of 4 and her for dinner and that was it. She said she had to buy her own food outside of the meals that were provided. She's not a huge eater either. It's sad how some families treat their Au Pairs.

I think the Blue Apron for 2 and serve for 4 is insufficient. HOwever, APs shouldnt be recreadting dinners if a big meal is already provided. especially if they say they "eat everything" during matching.

[Anonymous]

Why are HFs so pennypinching about food?! Buy the poor girl what she wants to eat, and enough of it!

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to feed your childcare provider then you should have a nanny or send your child to daycare. Part of the deal is that you feed an au pair. If not, you would have to pay them much more than $200 a week. You shouldn't be policing what she's eating, either.

[Anonymous]

In some cultures eating 4 meals a day is normal.

[Anonymous]

My advice would also be to focus on having dinner available for the family, not on the volume of food that your AP is eating. I know folks that have had success with systems such as a "extra food" shelf in the fridge/pantry that contains stuff generally up for grabs, stickers to label leftovers that are designated for a future meal, or a whiteboard that outlines the planned meals for the week (therefore letting everyone figure out that they should not be sautéing a chicken breast that is designated to be part of chicken broccoli alfredo the next night. You are responsible for feeding your AP, so I would focus on making sure that her consumption doesn't create as many logistical challenges for your family.

[Anonymous]

Budget more for food. You would want your child to be fed if they were hungry. This is a no brainer.

[Anonymous]

Which cultures eat 4 meals per day? Is this information widely acknowledged when getting into the AP programs?