Chubby

[Anonymous]

Seeking experience with Au Pairs on the chubbier side. To be clear, I am not trying to "fat shame" anyone and I am on the chubbier side and perfectly healthy and active. The candidate I'm considering looks to be overweight but not obese and she swims but hasn't mentioned other hobbies that are "active".

My concerns are:
1. If she's chubby and not active with the kids
2. If she will overeat and/or eat unhealthy foods
3. If she will gain weight while she's here because most Au Pairs do

I know skinny Au Pairs can fit the bill on all three above (we had a super skinny one who NEVER exercised and ate like a horse who just ate a marijuana edible!!) so I'm mostly interested to hear from people who did hire a larger Au Pair about their honest experience.

[Anonymous]

We ask APs to eat junk food when they are not working and not at the table with the kids (meaning don't sit down to Saturday lunch with chips and ice cream). We set the schedule and are really clear about how much activity the kids need outside, and no screens during daylight hours. We follow the same rules so there is no double standard. We are clear about our expectations in matching, and I think some APs are relieved to see that they'll be with an active family and burn off extra calories for the American indulgences.

I don't care what shape AP is or if she gains weight while she's here so long as she models a healthy lifestyle while interacting with my kids and keeps them healthy.

[Anonymous]

Had two slightly overweight APs. One got active while here doing sports and lost 15-20 lbs. Healthy eater. The other stayed the same weight/maybe gained some. Like her sweets. Both were plenty active with children and had nice personalities.

[Anonymous]

We ruled out larger APs for one reason - none of our cars had 3 row seating or were very large - so if AP cannot fit between 2 car seats for all going in one car to dinner or whatever we ruled her out.

[Anonymous]

I think it all depends on if she is happy with her weight - which you can't tell from interviews. We had an overweight au pair, she was not happy with her weight, and was depressed and would do lots of emotional eating, and was not active at all. She told us she was into all these sports and activities, but when she arrived it was clear she just did that for the interview.

[Anonymous]

Our current au pair is overweight and I really didn't think anything of it when matching. But now, it is very clear that she cannot keep up with the kids, just walking them home from school. For us, we don't really care what she eats here or if she gains weight, its really just if she can keep up with the kids properly.

A couple of our previous au pairs were slightly overweight, but were really active and had no issues.

Looking back, we can see the differences in their profiles. Our current au pair didn't mention liking anything physically active anywhere. Our previous au pairs who were slightly overweight did and it showed in their profile pics and in their child care experience.

If I were you, I would ask questions about what she likes to do in her spare time, try not to ask leading questions. Ask her what she did on the weekend, etc?

[Anonymous]

We’ve had 2 heavier au pairs and neither one ate badly, overate, or lacked in energy or activity. We also had a nanny for 5 years who was older (30s), obese and still extremely active with our kids. I don’t think weight necessarily coincides with being lazy and gluttonous.

[Anonymous]

I wouldnt want to host an obese Au pair because that’s a health issue and indicative of a psychological issue. We’ve had chubby au pairs and thin au pairs and there was no correlation to physical activity. But every family is different. If you have a child that likes to run out into the street, Make sure you host an au pair who can keep up and move quickly.

[Anonymous]

Have had several au pairs who carried extra weight... all were great, fine, active, and healthy (and perfectly capable of keeping up with my kids).

I think the more important questions to ask are things like diet and hobbies.

If I had a heavy set au pair who said her favorite hobbies were going to the movies and hanging out with friends, and identified chocolate and potato chips as her favorite foods... I might be worried.

But I actually know a lot of very active people who, despite eating well and working out, carry extra weight. I think it is just how they are built.
One of my best friends is consistently 30 pounds overweight... but she eats well, exercises, and has twice my energy level (and I'm "skinny").

Focus on what matters. It's not the outward appearance.

[Anonymous]

I made it clear in interviews that my daughter and i are extremely active -- in fact we did not have a tv and told the first one this (but got one when the au pair arrived -- did not tell her we would be doing this).

I expected my daughter to be taken for walks in the stroller several times and day, etc. We ended up with 2 Brazilians and one French AP and they were active, healthy, great. All extended with us. Was a great experience but set your expectations early in the process. I am a single mom, a teacher, and we need to "do it all" ourselves -- no lazing around.

[Anonymous]

Had 2 obese APs. First, the person you are looking at is probably a lot heavier than you know. I knew that AP one was heavy but when she came off the train I was shocked at just heavy she was. Same goes with AP2. She was over 300 lbs. Very bad role models for my kids especially my 10 year old daughter. They ate a ton of bad food and never excercised. Lazy. They are obese for a reason

[Anonymous]

Right. Being overweight delineates a psychological issue. Disgusting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are obese for a reason

Yes. Like thyroid issues. Undiagnosed PCOS. Or other underlying medical conditions that might influence their weight but may have nothing to do with their capability to watch children and be active.

[Anonymous]

We briefly had an overweight au pair. We rematched after 3 weeks for safety issues. But, I found that she often wanted to make cupcakes and then wanted to share the cupcakes, so our eating habits weren't great during that 3 weeks. She would also take slices of bread and squeeze them into little balls and eat them- 4 or 5 slices at a go. So we had to buy more bread and it was also weird and uncomfortable to watch.

[Anonymous]

First AP was great. She was heavier (by this I mean around 180lbs), but loved to try new foods. She had no issues keeping active with the kids. She got sweaty and out of breath, so what? She still ran around with them.

Second AP - we were shocked how much bigger she seemed in person. Her pictures did a good job hiding her figure, so we knew she was larger, but not that it was all belly weight (really, not pregnant). She had the apple figure with skinny legs and all unhealthy middle section fat roll. She claimed she liked going to the gym but went once in 2 months. We rematched because she was exactly the type we did not want--preferred to sit around and watch the kids than actively engage with them outside. She loved arts and crafts, which might be fine for older kids, but not toddlers that NEED physical activity.

It's a crapshoot. Second AP obviously lied about the gym or does something so sedate that I wouldn't consider it working out. She also hoarded crap in her room--candy and chips, full calorie sodas. We have a rule about no food upstairs, which APs generally ignore and we don't say anything unless there's a problem (bugs or significant trash odor).