Dress code in off hours?

[Anonymous]

I recently started a new live-in job which has a dress code. I'm totally ok with that and think the guidelines are pretty reasonable. Although it doesn't explicitly say so in my contract and I never thought to clarify during the interview, I assumed it would only apply to work hours. However, this morning, on my day off, I came upstairs wearing a "non-compliant" outfit and MB reminded me of the dress code. When it happened, I immediately apologized and went back downstairs and changed feeling silly and thinking it was my fault. But now, thinking more about it, it is starting to seem unreasonable.

On the one hand, I guess I can see the argument that it's reasonable when I'm still in their house, but it still feels like an imposition on my off time. Also, I'm now not sure what they expect (like even outside of the house, possibly!?). How would you approach this?

[Anonymous]

I honestly don’t know, OP. We’re you wearing something racy or political? I can’t imagine a parent being offended.

This is something you need to address with your employers. But in general, a dress code doesn’t apply to off hours any more than a uniform would.

[Anonymous]

What were you wearing? I think it’s crazy that you would be expected to wearing a “ dress code” off duty, but it depends on what you wear. Booty shorts and exposing too much skin may not be appropriate, but if it’s just normal shorts and a tank top, I don’t see the issue. I would just ask MB if she expcects you to adhere to the dress code when off duty.

[Anonymous]

OP Here: That's the thing, it wasn't anything crazy - a camisole was the offending item (it's pretty warm in the house). I know I need to have a conversation about it, but I really hate having potentially confrontational conversations, so I've been avoiding today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: That's the thing, it wasn't anything crazy - a camisole was the offending item (it's pretty warm in the house). I know I need to have a conversation about it, but I really hate having potentially confrontational conversations, so I've been avoiding today.

Bra under it? Maybe it was too suggestive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: That's the thing, it wasn't anything crazy - a camisole was the offending item (it's pretty warm in the house). I know I need to have a conversation about it, but I really hate having potentially confrontational conversations, so I've been avoiding today.

Probably an insecure mom who doesn’t want you to bare any skin in front of her husband, whether working or not ?

[Anonymous]

This is tough, because she probably thought it was clear that this was the dress code for the house, not for the job. Now, you've already accepted the job, which makes it difficult to negotiate. I mean, is she going to throw you out, or are you going to quit? Probably not.

I would probably say that you were surprised by the interaction the other day, and you realized that you might not clearly understand what was intended by the dress code, and could you have a minute to talk about it. Then ask your questions for clarification, and if there are any rules that you would not have agreed to had you known about them, that's the time to speak up. If you approach this as a potential miscommunication, I think you'll be able to come to a mutually agreeable understanding.

[Anonymous]

That's not appropriate to wear with others/not your family in the house.

[Anonymous]

OP again: I had a conversation with MB about it. I just said I was a little confused about when the dress code applies and had been under the impression that it only applied while I was on duty. She basically told me that she wants me to follow it all the time saying that I'm always representing the family and my behavior reflects on them whether I'm on duty or not.

This is my first live-in job and I haven't really heard of rules like this before. Is this weird or a red flag I should be concerned about? I mean, I can live with this particular rule, and I generally like the family so far, but it feels like this might be a sign that they're a bit on on the controlling side?

[Anonymous]

What is the dress code? Wearing a nightgown around the house is not appropriate. Wearing one in your space is. What if they had friends/family over.

[Anonymous]

OP again: It wasn't a nightgown, it was just a sleeveless top. I should have been more clear.

The dress code is: no revealing tops/no spaghetti straps (the issue today), no short skirts/shorts, no workout clothes except when working out, nothing with offensive or inappropriate slogans or images (I don't have anything like that anyway).

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is a big deal, OP. It was just a clarification and now you know. Let it go and let time reveal if this is a good job/living situation or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again: It wasn't a nightgown, it was just a sleeveless top. I should have been more clear.

The dress code is: no revealing tops/no spaghetti straps (the issue today), no short skirts/shorts, no workout clothes except when working out, nothing with offensive or inappropriate slogans or images (I don't have anything like that anyway).

Just throw a sweater on top. Problem solved. I don't get the no skirt/shorts during non-work hours.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but for me this would be a huge red flag and I would be looking for a new position.

A dress code during work hours is fine (although I would never take a job that had that requirement). However, having one outside of work hours is just too much. It reeks of control issues.

[Anonymous]

They are likely conservative and MB doesn’t dress in camisoles either in common areas correct? It’s tough since you are live-in but do you have your own space to hangout and then maybe you can just throw on some pjs and a top when in the family area