I have to step back and take a deep breath

[Anonymous]

My employers are good, but very busy, people. But, honestly it bothers me that the one day out of five that they pick up my charge from preschool they are always late and she is in near tears. It bothers me that they have her spend most Saturday nights with her grandmother so they can go out and miss one evening with her during the week so they get a date night and I put her to bed.

She’s a really great little kid who especially loves her mother so much. It pisses me off they don’t want to spend more time with her.

But there is nothing I can do about how they choose to parent.

Vent over.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard, OP. I hear you. Sometimes I want to scream at my charge’s parents, “Put down you f*cking phones at look at your son!”

[Anonymous]

You are right.

I just read your post and have decided to fire my nanny, work fewer hours, and coordinate with my spouse so we can spend more time with our darling child.

Thank you for pointing out how we were so wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right.

I just read your post and have decided to fire my nanny, work fewer hours, and coordinate with my spouse so we can spend more time with our darling child.

Thank you for pointing out how we were so wrong.

F off. Seriously.

Let the nanny just vent. Not everything is a personal attack on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right.

I just read your post and have decided to fire my nanny, work fewer hours, and coordinate with my spouse so we can spend more time with our darling child.

Thank you for pointing out how we were so wrong.

GREAT!!! So glad you realized that you were a crappy mother and are trying to fix it! I am sure your nanny will find a much better position with a mother who values her child and knows how to balance work and family life better than you do.

Good for you, PP, for seeing what a bad mother you are and doing something about it!

[Anonymous]

Can you prepare your charge for the day her mother picks her up? “Mommy is so excited to pick you up from school tomorrow, but remember, mommy will be a little late picking you up. You’ll get to play with your friends and teachers a little extra then you get to see mommy!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My employers are good, but very busy, people. But, honestly it bothers me that the one day out of five that they pick up my charge from preschool they are always late and she is in near tears. It bothers me that they have her spend most Saturday nights with her grandmother so they can go out and miss one evening with her during the week so they get a date night and I put her to bed.

She’s a really great little kid who especially loves her mother so much. It pisses me off they don’t want to spend more time with her.

But there is nothing I can do about how they choose to parent.

Vent over.

Sounds like they have their priorities in order - their own relationship. Saturday night at grandma's is really a knock on them? One date night during the week really represents them not wanting to be with their kid? Overreact much? You ever stop to think that if they did not do these things in order to keep their relationship kindled, that things might be even worse at home? Open your eyes a bit and stop being so judgemental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are right.

I just read your post and have decided to fire my nanny, work fewer hours, and coordinate with my spouse so we can spend more time with our darling child.

Thank you for pointing out how we were so wrong.

F off. Seriously.

Let the nanny just vent. Not everything is a personal attack on you.

+1. Thinking the post hit too close to home due to the nasty defensive reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My employers are good, but very busy, people. But, honestly it bothers me that the one day out of five that they pick up my charge from preschool they are always late and she is in near tears. It bothers me that they have her spend most Saturday nights with her grandmother so they can go out and miss one evening with her during the week so they get a date night and I put her to bed.

She’s a really great little kid who especially loves her mother so much. It pisses me off they don’t want to spend more time with her.

But there is nothing I can do about how they choose to parent.

Vent over.

Sounds like they have their priorities in order - their own relationship. Saturday night at grandma's is really a knock on them? One date night during the week really represents them not wanting to be with their kid? Overreact much? You ever stop to think that if they did not do these things in order to keep their relationship kindled, that things might be even worse at home? Open your eyes a bit and stop being so judgemental.

You clearly don’t get it.

I am not the OP, but I work 60 hours per week. The parents collectively (meaning one or the other but rarely both) see the kids for about an hour per weekday. Then the kids have a weekly sleepover with grandma so they don’t see them part of the weekend either. Collectively they spend less than 30 hours per week interacting with their kids, maybe 20 hours for each parent. I am the help and I personally spend over 40 hours a week with the kids—and they have morning school!!

Some parents are so absent that their date night really does feel selfish. The real issue isn’t the date night. The issue is that the parents choose anything and everything over hands-on parenting time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My employers are good, but very busy, people. But, honestly it bothers me that the one day out of five that they pick up my charge from preschool they are always late and she is in near tears. It bothers me that they have her spend most Saturday nights with her grandmother so they can go out and miss one evening with her during the week so they get a date night and I put her to bed.

She’s a really great little kid who especially loves her mother so much. It pisses me off they don’t want to spend more time with her.

But there is nothing I can do about how they choose to parent.

Vent over.

Sounds like they have their priorities in order - their own relationship. Saturday night at grandma's is really a knock on them? One date night during the week really represents them not wanting to be with their kid? Overreact much? You ever stop to think that if they did not do these things in order to keep their relationship kindled, that things might be even worse at home? Open your eyes a bit and stop being so judgemental.

I am a married nanny and I absolutely understand the need to prioritize your relationship but I also see parents who are missing this amazing part of their child’s life. You have to understand how hard it is for nannies who truly love their charges and have to see them waiting at the window for Mama or crying at night because Mommy and Daddy are away on their third vacation in a year.

I totally understand the OP’s vent and have felt the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you prepare your charge for the day her mother picks her up? “Mommy is so excited to pick you up from school tomorrow, but remember, mommy will be a little late picking you up. You’ll get to play with your friends and teachers a little extra then you get to see mommy!”

OP here. I do this as much as I can but don’t use “mommy will be late”. I tell her that on mommy/daddy’s day to pick you up, you have extra time to play and that they would never forget her.


And to clarify again - my employers are good people. I am just older and know how they will long for these sweet years back especially with such a great little kid.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. I’m there when my charges get up, all weekdays, and I do the whole morning routine, though a parent drives them to school one day. I do the entire afternoon/evening/bedtime 4 days per week, and we try to FaceTime both parents every night, but they’re not always able to even say goodnight. Sometimes they go out Friday/Saturday night, sometimes they’re with the kids. Sometimes they have help on the weekends, sometimes not. I love the kids dearly, and I’m glad the parents love them, but sometimes I wonder about the trade off between work/money and presence.

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP, and I am a mother and employer of a nanny. I see a few friends trying to have it all while they, the parents, draw the short straw in not spending enough time with them. DH and I spend every minute with can with our daughter and are grateful she has a nanny who loves her too.

[Anonymous]

I think every nanny has felt this way at one time or another. This or worried more about their charge’s well being than the parents do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are right.

I just read your post and have decided to fire my nanny, work fewer hours, and coordinate with my spouse so we can spend more time with our darling child.

Thank you for pointing out how we were so wrong.

GREAT!!! So glad you realized that you were a crappy mother and are trying to fix it! I am sure your nanny will find a much better position with a mother who values her child and knows how to balance work and family life better than you do.

Good for you, PP, for seeing what a bad mother you are and doing something about it!

I am so glad I have seen the light. I will now do what's best for my child. My spouse and I have decided to move to a more affordable area. I have already found some part time job prospects. My nanny was shocked when I told her we are letting her go this spring but she has plenty of time to find a new job.