AP expecting perfect behavior

[Anonymous]

I feel like all my au pair does is complain about the kids. They aren't angels, but the only reports she gives are negative ones and that's not an accurate picture either. All three of them are in school so she's at home alone with them for a max of 2 1/2 to 3 hours a day.
A month ago, I tried to tell her to start a sticker chart to encourage positive behavior. Hasn't done it. I finally printed some out for her.
She also needs to learn how to redirect them when she can see a disagreement coming with the kids.
I try to be supportive, but I feel like I have a pouty au pair and it's draining to come home to.

[Anonymous]

Look it from her side : maybe there is nothing positive to tell about them and she hates lying.

[Anonymous]

Majority of Au pairs have no significant experience with kids, and are at a loss when kids act out, etc. you need to teach her the basics, holding boundaries and being consistent in expectations and discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look it from her side : maybe there is nothing positive to tell about them and she hates lying. [/quote

+1000. It's hard to see your kids aren't as perfect as you think they are. If you don't want to hear the truth OP, don't ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She also needs to learn how to redirect them when she can see a disagreement coming with the kids.

You need to teach her how to redirect them.

Parents need to be proactive when it comes to training their AP (and their children). Some APs just click with their families and the parenting style, others need to be taught. Obviously yours needs a bit more support. Offer it or go into rematch. For your AP's sake.

[Anonymous]

There is no point in redirecting brats. She needs to discipline them. And you, as a parent, need to talk to your children about who's in charge (clearly, they're not the boss in the house).

[Anonymous]

She's probably frustrated that OP isn't disciplining her own children.

"No" can be a very important word to learn, OP.

[Anonymous]

Could be a bad match. We had 3 au pairs- 2 LOVED my kids and stayed 2 years and 1 complained nonstop about how bad they were (we shouldn’t have kept her the whole year).

[Anonymous]

Take 2 days off early from work. First day, schedule her for 3 hours before kids get home. Go over your behavior plan in minute detail. Role play several common ways to “catch them being good” and several situations were they are at the cusp of playing/about to start fighting. She needs actual training, not just random suggestions. Do that for 2 hours, then give her 30-60 minutes to relax and let it sink in. You’re on when kids get home, and have her watching the whole night. As soon as kids are doing the bedtime routine, give her a chance to go think and relax, then talk through what made sense to her and what was confusing or seemed difficult. Then, stay with her for the second night, but she’s completely in charge. Kids can see you, but redirect to her if they talk to you. Take notes (mentally) about any situations she did well, and talk after bedtime again. Offer as little constructive criticism as possible, as you really want her to come away feeling positive, but you have to weigh that against knowing whether she can do it. Let her go for the rest of the week, talking each night, and see how you both feel after Friday.

[Anonymous]

Your AP sounds terrible if she’s both an unhappy person and refuses to take direction. Think hard about rematching. You might do better with an optimist.

[Anonymous]

I had one of those. Always focused on the negative. It's annoying. You can teach her your tactics, but in my case, she came from a very authoritarian household and at times she wanted my kids to act like they were in the militry. not our style