Food and meals

[Anonymous]

How does food and meals for AP work in your household? Does she eat what you eat for meals or have a special diet for all three meals? Do you take turns cooking and preparing the meals? Does she ever do grocery shopping for herself or for the family?
Do you all go out for dinner or order take out? Can she prep a Blue Apron family meal kit?

FInally, what do you estimate the costs of feeding an AP are per week or for the year?

We don't know where to start and my husband made the mistake of asking her what she likes to eat. She named a bunch of gourmet fruits, berries, breads and import items that we do not normally have nor that are in season. We do have a lot of food in the house, non perishable and perishable, and I'd like to start there. But we do not have incessant snacks and fancy fruity drinks in the house either - another thing she requested.

[Anonymous]

We've hosted 5 au pairs for almost 8 years. Food has never been an issue. I think it's in part because we have had nice young ladies be part of our family and also because I didn't even open the door to food being an issue.

Yes, the first few days/weeks as you get to know your au pair you ask her what she likes to eat (or more importantly any things that she/he detests) and you try to generally accommodate. After that, she's part of the family. And, that means that if I'm cooking (which is the vast majority of the time), I make things from our usual dinner repertoire and she eats with us. I'm not a great cook, but I haven't had any complaints. Our new au pair is offering to cook once a week for the family, and I'm taking her up on it - providing money for the groceries and not asking what she's making; I've informed the kids that we will treat and eat that dinner as if we are guests at a friend's house (e.g., no complaining).

A au pair that demands special foods or different meals is a sign of a high-maintenance au pair. Do not let it become an issue.

[Anonymous]

I take my APs to the grocery store with me the first weekend they are here and let them identify for me certain things they want to have in the house, such as particular types of yogurt, cereal etc. When they point out something that is out of my budget, I tell them. A specific example, a new AP pointed towards a box of "Kind" bars that were about 8 dollars for 4 bars(approx). We bought them that day but I explained that they were very expensive so I viewed them as a treat, not a regular thing. Now I buy them for her about once month and she is grateful and I am happy.

[Anonymous]

My AP told us from the start that she isnt a cook. Once a week, she prepares dinner by putting a Stouffers Lasagna (or similar) in the oven and opening a bag of salad. Honestly, this is a huge help and makes me feel like she is doing something awesome even though though it only takes about 10 minutes. Try this!

[Anonymous]

I'd say my food budget is about $30 per week higher with AP in the house, including the few items she specifically requests like frozen strawberries for smoothies and museli.

[Anonymous]

We discuss diet during the matching process. We talk about what our meals look like and we ask the AP what her typical meals look like. We do not match with APs that have special diets. Too complicated! We try to somewhat adjust our meals to accommodate the AP. For example, our last AP did not like mushrooms, so we pretty much avoided mushrooms. The APs are welcome to join us for dinner or cook for themselves. In four years of hosting, there was one meal that was cooked by the AP, so my expectations are low. A few nights a week, the AP has to fend for herself (I am too tired to cook and we just grab a bowl of cereal for dinner). We have frozen items that APs like and those are typically their go-tos. All our APs liked fresh fruit, so $30/week is not a reasonable estimate for us. But I rather spend more money on an AP who models healthy food choices to my kids. If we go out for dinner as a family we offer AP to join us and pay for her. The only time, the AP is not invited are the times where the kids are left behind.

We take our AP grocery shopping with us occasionally. More so at the beginning of the year. We had one AP, who was wonderful about getting groceries when she was out and about. When she saw that we were running low on X, she would get it in the evening on her way from the gym. It was great.

We do ask our APs what they like to eat, but when it comes to imported gourmet items, we explain that those things are not common here. End of the conversation. We do not shop in specialty stores to buy AP's home country's items.

At the end, you have to pick your battles. Although I would not provide exotic fruit, I would probably buy some snacks.

[Anonymous]

I would get her what she likes if the price is reasonable. But if she asked for organic veggie or fruit I wouldn't provide it because we don't eat organic. I wouldn't get her caviar either if she put it on grocery list. But if she wants me to get her special kind of cereals for breakfast or cheese pizza because she doesn't like pepperoni, I don't care.

[Anonymous]

Op, show us that list she asked for.

[Anonymous]

We tell our AP that we buy things that are in-season and there is no guarantee of any specific food each week because it depends on season, availability, how fresh it looks, cost, and what is on sale. I will not buy fresh strawberries that are 3-4 times the in-season price. We emphasize that we stock our frig, freezer, and pantry with categories of food and will substitute like-kind items with alternate brands. We do not guarantee a particular brand. In our home, we rotate through a few brands of the same category of food depending on which is on sale that week. We don't do imports unless it is a regular stock item in our home. We will on occasion buy the AP an import or a special item that is a treat but we do not turn it into a weekly norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, show us that list she asked for.

Yes, please. I am curious what "gourmet fruit" is.

If she is coming from another continent/hemisphere it's possible that the fruits she is asking for are not exotic or expensive where she lives, and it might not even occur to her that it's not inexpensive and easy to come by here.

[Anonymous]

We make sure to have things that are absolute staples to her diet: OJ, bread, cereal, cheese, coffee...even if they are not things we eat (OJ, coffee). But we don't buy things like chips/ice cream -- she's on her own for those because we try not to eat them ourselves. After asking our first AP and getting a long list of stuff, we no longer ask what they want every week. We just make sure there's enough stuff in the fridge for everyone, and we make sure they know that in advance before we match.

As for cooking, we ask that she make one meal a week. I provide a recipe, she can find one, or she can reheat something frozen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does food and meals for AP work in your household? Does she eat what you eat for meals or have a special diet for all three meals? Do you take turns cooking and preparing the meals? Does she ever do grocery shopping for herself or for the family?
Do you all go out for dinner or order take out? Can she prep a Blue Apron family meal kit?

FInally, what do you estimate the costs of feeding an AP are per week or for the year?

We don't know where to start and my husband made the mistake of asking her what she likes to eat. She named a bunch of gourmet fruits, berries, breads and import items that we do not normally have nor that are in season. We do have a lot of food in the house, non perishable and perishable, and I'd like to start there. But we do not have incessant snacks and fancy fruity drinks in the house either - another thing she requested.

She is not there to cook for everybody so there are no "turns" in cooking or preparing the meals.
If she offers to cook dinner for everybody, fine, but otherwise you can only expect her to cook for the kids and for herself.
Of course, she can help you out when you make dinner.

Yes, you can ask her to go food shopping for everybody.

No, she can't prep a blue apron family meal kit unless she offers to.

How can fruits can be "gourmet"? Or even bread?
Just tell her to help herself to any food you have and give her an extra $ per week for items she would like to get.
The amount is up to you but maybe $15 or $20 would be enough for her to get what you don't usually buy.
It's not insane to want to eat snacks, fruit, bread or drink fruity drinks by the way.

[Anonymous]

I disagree about the prior comment about prepping Blue Apron meals. If your au pair typically east dinner with you, then just like another adult in the household, she/he can be asked to prep a Blue Apron meal.

[Anonymous]

all of these. we have a set budget if she wants a few items for herself. otherwise, she eats what we eat. that's the way our family rolls. the only major adjustment that I've had to make is cook less spicy food for our current au pair. no biggie. she does a great job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does food and meals for AP work in your household? Does she eat what you eat for meals or have a special diet for all three meals? Do you take turns cooking and preparing the meals? Does she ever do grocery shopping for herself or for the family?
Do you all go out for dinner or order take out? Can she prep a Blue Apron family meal kit?

FInally, what do you estimate the costs of feeding an AP are per week or for the year?

We don't know where to start and my husband made the mistake of asking her what she likes to eat. She named a bunch of gourmet fruits, berries, breads and import items that we do not normally have nor that are in season. We do have a lot of food in the house, non perishable and perishable, and I'd like to start there. But we do not have incessant snacks and fancy fruity drinks in the house either - another thing she requested.

She is not there to cook for everybody so there are no "turns" in cooking or preparing the meals.
If she offers to cook dinner for everybody, fine, but otherwise you can only expect her to cook for the kids and for herself.
Of course, she can help you out when you make dinner.

Yes, you can ask her to go food shopping for everybody.

No, she can't prep a blue apron family meal kit unless she offers to.

How can fruits can be "gourmet"? Or even bread?
Just tell her to help herself to any food you have and give her an extra $ per week for items she would like to get.
The amount is up to you but maybe $15 or $20 would be enough for her to get what you don't usually buy.
It's not insane to want to eat snacks, fruit, bread or drink fruity drinks by the way.

I disagree with some of this. Every family does it differently but I want to represent the other end of the spectrum. I don't give AP any extra shopping money for the week. I buy a ton of groceries, including snacks, bread and fruit. We buy packaged bread. If she wants something more "gourmet" she can use her stipend. Current AP doesn't like the Breyer's ice cream we buy and wants something else (Talenti): stipend. But we tell the APs all this up front before we match. Of course it's not insane to want fruit, bread, etc. But if what I buy isn't what she wants, she can buy her own.

I also disagree that the AP can't ever cook for the family. If she's a family member, I expect her to contribute. I don't expect her to make a 3-course meal but if she's making pasta she can make the entire box and I'll eat some. I'll have her make a casserole for the kids and i'll eat leftovers. I DO think asking her to do all the family grocery shopping is outside the bounds. Buying an item or two that the kids eat is fine but not all the groceries for the week.