Youngest dropped nap and Nanny is angry (or lost)
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Anonymous
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Our youngest who is home in the afternoon no longer wants or needs an afternoon nap.
Our nanny of several years is really complaining. Plus she seems to not know how or want to engage with the child who is home most of the afternoon. She just wants to study, or nap, or cook. She also does not engage with the kids when they are all home after school, 4pm. The kids tell me she just cooks their dinner then and let's them be in the playroom. I have left out suggestions of things to do but this is getting disturbing. Perhaps we need a heart to heart that she just does not like non-napping children or doing stuff WITH the children? Maybe she wants more of a housekeeper role and we ramp up the pre-schoolers time in school through the afternoon? Or time to get an au pair? More energy plus can help the AM and after school best? |
Anonymous
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Two things:
1) It is perfectly reasonable for her to institute an up to 1-1.5 hour "quiet time" for the youngest, but she should realize that it is likely she will still have to interact with him from time to time unless he is exceptionally well-behaved. 2) If she has been used to an afternoon that goes two-hour nap for youngest, followed by older kids get home from school, followed by kids entertain themselves, then she is probably not happy about the added work. However, I would not be ok with this. I fully expect our nanny to interact with our older children in the afternoon, and at least supervise play time. Ours love doing crafts, and the 4-6 hours are when she can do those with the older kids once or twice a week. Sometimes she takes everyone to a playground. Sometimes they run around like crazy people and play dress up or go outside, but she still watches them. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like she might be better with younger kids? It's hard to give up that down time in the afternoon when you're used to it...and it can be hard to be around a kid who is transitioning and still kind of tired and grumpy by 3 pm but doesn't technically need the nap.
Not sure why the kids playing in the playroom while she makes dinner is a problem. What is it you want her to do with all of them at 4 pm when she's trying to get dinner ready? That complaint seems silly to me unless you're wanting her to take them out for dinner. Have a heart to heart, ask her if she'd rather have a housekeeping type role in the family or if she's really better suited to younger kids. Different ages have different needs and most people aren't suited to all of the ages equally. |
Anonymous
| Oh, and I meant to say, yes, have that heart-to-heart. And don't let her get away with vague reassurances that OF COURSE she enjoys playing, but blah-de-blah-de-blah. You want to find out what's wrong and figure out how to get back to where you're both satisfied, not just hear some reassuring words. |
Anonymous
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If you think she is low energy with the kids it is kids who are suffering from lack of engagement then. Definitely talk with her about what you need.
Do not make the mistake of getting into a conversation about her picking and choosing what she prefers to do. If you need (and I certainly would) her reading and doing games and talking with your youngest child, she should be doing that at least half the time she is with him. Not resting, not cooking, not on her phone. And no professional nanny complains about doing her job in stead of having downtime while the kids are in school plus when they nap. She sounds lazy frankly. |
Anonymous
| How old is your youngest, OP? |
Anonymous
OP here, we're talking 6 yo and 3 yo. Nanny is in her 50s. |
Anonymous
So you don't want the three year old to have an afternoon nap? I can't imagine agreeing to that. Surely you know that over-tired children are usually behavior problems, not to mention accident prone. Get a sitter, not an experienced nanny, and nobody will care. |
Anonymous
Most kids transition out of naps at 2-3. That is normal. Forcing a nap is not healthy. Nanny is just there to keep kids alive. Time for a change. |
Anonymous
In my experience this is when they transition to one nap/quiet time. Even in pre-k, when the kids are 3-4, they have to go down for a nap/quiet time for at least 40mins. The lights go off and no talking is allowed. I was in a class of 20 kids and only 1 child didn’t go to sleep. |
Anonymous
| Personally, I am a firm believer in quiet time when children age out of napping. When I do that the kids do sleep occasionally. But it also sounds like she doesn’t have the energy and/or interest to handle older children. This is something I would bring up with her. |
Anonymous
Who told you most kids stopping napping at 2-3? Your girlfriend? You should know better. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Sounds like this child is left alone the whole afternoon for quiet time |
Anonymous
What does she study? If you believe all she wants to do is study, nap or cook, what exactly made you think she's a nanny? She just isn't. Sorry. |