DH wants to hire a nanny even tho it means stretching our budget

[Anonymous]

Our daughter who just turned 3 is in daycare that costs $16k annually and we have a new baby. I don't feel like we can afford to switch to a nanny but DH is really pushing for it cuz he is tired of our toddler being sick literally every other week from daycare and also coming home exhausted physically and emotionally every day. We both work FT and make $200k combined and I'm estimating that a FT nanny will cost something like $50k a year including taxes and insurance? plus we'll have to find a little preschool program that could be another $5k a year. So I suppose we can technically afford it but I just feel like it's a lot. he really thinks it would be worth it tho. Help me think it through...

[Anonymous]

Who would do new baby care if don't look for a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who would do new baby care if don't look for a nanny?

My mom offered to come over every day and take care of the baby for a year or two. She did that for my daughter until we sent her to daycare at 2. But she only does the minimum -- feeding napping crayons and playground -- it's ok in a pinch. She won't do library or play groups or actively engaged with child's toys. She's got a very set way about child care.

[Anonymous]

We did it for 8 years on a similar HHI. We have 4, close together.

It's for a rime-limited period. Yes, it's 50K a year unless you can make it work part time somehow. We dipped into savings, in fact.

But, you're already looking at 32K a year, or free care you don't like. I'd try to make it work, at least for the first year, and then reevaluate.

But, you can't resent your nanny for her pay, or the cost of food, gas, classes, etc.. You have to be willing to let that go.

We just had our first nanny-free month in all these years, and now I feel rich! So there's that to look forward to.,

[Anonymous]

I vote get the Nanny.

For two children, the co$t will likely be the same vs. sending both of your children to a daycare.

You will lose misery days, days where you and/or your husband is too sick for work or rather have to go to work when feeling too ill to even want to leave your bed.

Plus there are no drop-offs/pick-ups, forgotten loveys, dirty nap mats, etc.
Your children will get close to one-on-one, loving attention & they have the luxury to sleep in their own beds!

[Anonymous]

Either get the nanny or use your mother. Babies don’t really need socialization until maybe about a year old. I think baby would be better off with a nanny or grandma. If you plan to have a nanny and still have older child in Preschool don’t forget gas and mileage rates for nanny. Like someone mentioned, if you do get a nanny DO NOT RESENT for paying. It will ask for unhappy employer and employee

[Anonymous]

OP, you might look into doing something in between--have a part-time nanny (either someone you share with another family or someone who only wants to work part-time) and find a preschool program for your daughter that runs a couple of days a week (or every day but mornings only, or whatever works).

Your mom can care for the baby on the preschool days (assuming she can pick up your daughter). Nanny can come in on the non-preschool days to care for both kids. Won't be as much as a full-time nanny but would still allow you to switch your daughter out of the daycare. Many, many families where we live do variations on this, though it is obviously easier if you live in an area where nannyshares are common.

[Anonymous]

We did it, OP, for just once child. DH was in graduate school and not earning but we felt it was important to have an educated and engaged nanny for DS until he was three. My son got to sleep in his own bed and was rarely sick. Our nanny believed in RIE engagement and talked to him, narrated for him, read to him and sang to him pretty much all the time. His receptive communication was off the chart at a year old. Our nanny also used to walk miles to take him to two different libraries and their storytimes as well as any other free program. She set up play dates and playgroups with other kids his age all the time.
It was a huge expense for us and we basically cut out all extras like dinners out, vacations, new clothes, even coffee. We both brow bagged it for lunch.

It was worth it.

[Anonymous]

If you live reasonably to activities for toddler (library, playground, museums), then you don’t need to out her in preschool. Maybe enroll her in some little classes like Music Together or Gymboree or something through the local public park system but those are seasonal and less expensive than a drop-off program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who would do new baby care if don't look for a nanny?

My mom offered to come over every day and take care of the baby for a year or two. She did that for my daughter until we sent her to daycare at 2. But she only does the minimum -- feeding napping crayons and playground -- it's ok in a pinch. She won't do library or play groups or actively engaged with child's toys. She's got a very set way about child care.

Perfect. This is all you need and it saves money. The "minimum" is what a baby needs- not playgroups and toys.
For centuries that's all babies had and it is fine.
My Grandma was my babysitter until Kindergarten, and I went to top 20 schools and am now an Executive. All tots need is love and the basics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you live reasonably to activities for toddler (library, playground, museums), then you don’t need to out her in preschool. Maybe enroll her in some little classes like Music Together or Gymboree or something through the local public park system but those are seasonal and less expensive than a drop-off program.

My experience with my children was that by age 4, it was difficult to get them to behave appropriately in a lot of these weekly classes. Everyone was happier with at least half day preschool. I agree with OP that her older child will likely need some preschool time, especially with a newborn at home limiting the amount of noise she can make and time the caregiver will have.

OP, this poster is right that you could make this work, but you will need a really good nanny to pull it off.

The part time nanny, with mom/preschool the other days could cut your nanny cost by 1/3 or more. It's something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who would do new baby care if don't look for a nanny?

My mom offered to come over every day and take care of the baby for a year or two. She did that for my daughter until we sent her to daycare at 2. But she only does the minimum -- feeding napping crayons and playground -- it's ok in a pinch. She won't do library or play groups or actively engaged with child's toys. She's got a very set way about child care.

Perfect. This is all you need and it saves money. The "minimum" is what a baby needs- not playgroups and toys.
For centuries that's all babies had and it is fine.
My Grandma was my babysitter until Kindergarten, and I went to top 20 schools and am now an Executive. All tots need is love and the basics.

I do not agree. A baby needs stimulation and engagement to maximize brain development. The bare minimum isn’t close to enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who would do new baby care if don't look for a nanny?

My mom offered to come over every day and take care of the baby for a year or two. She did that for my daughter until we sent her to daycare at 2. But she only does the minimum -- feeding napping crayons and playground -- it's ok in a pinch. She won't do library or play groups or actively engaged with child's toys. She's got a very set way about child care.

Perfect. This is all you need and it saves money. The "minimum" is what a baby needs- not playgroups and toys.
For centuries that's all babies had and it is fine.
My Grandma was my babysitter until Kindergarten, and I went to top 20 schools and am now an Executive. All tots need is love and the basics.

I do not agree. A baby needs stimulation and engagement to maximize brain development. The bare minimum isn’t close to enough.

Stimulation is going for a walk outside, watching the world go by.
Stimulation is watching parent or Grandma cook and do dishes and normal household chores.
Stimulation is playing with normal household items- pots, pans, spoons.
You don't need to complicate it to have a baby/toddler learn and develop

[Anonymous]

16k >> 50k is HUGE jump just b/c DH doesnt like dealing with daycare sicknesses. Is the convenience of not dealing with sickness really worth 34k? I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who would do new baby care if don't look for a nanny?

My mom offered to come over every day and take care of the baby for a year or two. She did that for my daughter until we sent her to daycare at 2. But she only does the minimum -- feeding napping crayons and playground -- it's ok in a pinch. She won't do library or play groups or actively engaged with child's toys. She's got a very set way about child care.

Perfect. This is all you need and it saves money. The "minimum" is what a baby needs- not playgroups and toys.
For centuries that's all babies had and it is fine.
My Grandma was my babysitter until Kindergarten, and I went to top 20 schools and am now an Executive. All tots need is love and the basics.

I do not agree. A baby needs stimulation and engagement to maximize brain development. The bare minimum isn’t close to enough.

Stimulation is going for a walk outside, watching the world go by.
Stimulation is watching parent or Grandma cook and do dishes and normal household chores.
Stimulation is playing with normal household items- pots, pans, spoons.
You don't need to complicate it to have a baby/toddler learn and develop

You need to talk, read, sing and narrate for a baby. This baby as a sack of potatoes philosophy wastes the most important time in a human’s brain development. Plus watching a grandmother cook is ridiculous since the baby can’t even see that far clearly!!