Leaving Nanny Share

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I am the host in a nanny share for two toddlers(1 mine, 1 from another family) who will both turn 2 this summer 2016. The nanny share began when both children were four months old (they are born very close together) Since the fall of 2014 the arrangement has been that the other family brings their child to our house - 4 days a week and then Fridays are free as we both work from home that day. So as you can imagine we have all become close, especially the children. The truly love each other. Also the nanny who is a wonderful older lady truly adores them. My issue has become the money! My husband and I figured that we are currently paying close to $2,300 per month and it is grating on us. By the time we by her payroll and taxes and the raise we gave her it is 2,300 per month. We simply are not willing to pay this anymore and our plan is to enroll our child in a nearby preschool in the fall after the 2nd birthday this summer. We have already identified a preschool that we like and has openings. The major reason for doing this is to save about 400 per month and to be honest, I am really sick of hosting. It has gotten really old having 3 adults and an extra child in our house first thing in the morning and at the end of almost every day of the week. The wear and tear on our furniture is obvious and while I am annoyed by this I have never complained about it but I can't deny that I am over hosting. The nanny has been awesome but I think by the time my child turns 2 she/he will be ready for more structured learning like in a preschool.
My question is how and when do I end this gracefully. I want to do right by all parties involved. I want to give notice but not too much notice. It states in our contract that I need to give at least 1 month, but I was thinking more like 2 months? So I would like everyone know in June then start the preschool at the end of August/beginning of Sept.
Also I was going to let the other family know first THEN let the nanny know soon after that. Please give me advice!? I'm already anxious over ending this.

This is my current situation - we've been in a share with a family for about a year, and found out yesterday that our DS got into preschool after a year plus long wait list. The school starts the first week of September. I am planning to tell the family this week, and then let them think over the weekend, and figure out what they want to do, so that we can both tell the nanny. Any new advice? I saw OP ended up telling both at the same time, is that better? I just figure the other family would want to decide if they want to enroll their child in school (although it's now July so not likely, and the school we are going to took us a year+ to get in), or look for another family for the share. Thoughts??

Posting in this forum where I think it makes more sense.

[Anonymous]

I think your plan is good. What does your contract say about notice?

[Anonymous]

I'm in this situation too....are you telling them in person or via email? I'm not sure how to tell them in person since Nanny is always there when both sets of parents are together.

[Anonymous]

I struggle with this too with our nanny share. It's hard to talk about this stuff in the pickup/drop off shuffle and our nanny is usually there... but email does seem a little impersonal. I'd probably err on the side of telling them sooner via email but acknowledging that email wasn't your preference. Something like: "I would have preferred to tell you this in person because we value our relationship and really appreciate you guys (if you do), but I wanted to make sure I had an opportunity to talk to you prior to telling Nanny so that we can tell her together."

[Anonymous]

I think your plan is fine, OP. Just call the other family in the evening to chat about it. It's entirely possible that the other family is on school waitlists too and may want to get more proactive about that--or alternately, maybe they're expecting another child and want to stay with the nanny and find a new family, and time is of the essence for that too. You just don't know until you talk to them.

Just be sure to stay within the timeframe of your contract for notice. (Ours was 60 days to end the share, but I think 30 days is more common--however, even with 30 days you're coming up on it relatively soon.)

[Anonymous]

Also, in most cases it is appropriate for both families to tell the nanny together, since you jointly employ her. I would definitely NOT tell both the nanny and the other family at the same time, since it affects the nanny's employment (and again, you don't know the other family's plans yet--what if they respond with "oh, wow, we're starting school too!"? Suddenly it goes from a "job is changing" conversation to a "you'll no longer have a job" conversation, which is a tough spot for your nanny)

[Anonymous]

This is from 2016

[Anonymous]

The original quoted post is from 2016 - the “this is my current situation” post is from today.

[Anonymous]

I went through this a few times. The only good faith way to handle it is to talk WAY early on with the other family to let them know you plan to move to preschool / are trying to move to preschool for the fall and that you'll let them know as soon as you do on final decision. That allows them to apply to preschools too if they might want to do that instead of starting over with a new share.

Since you're posting in mid July sounds like you did not do that and it's now a little more than a month before school starts. Tell the other family ASAP. Then tell the nanny with a month's notice, preferably once the other family decides how they plan to handle this.