Dealing with a mother with what I see as severe anxiety

[Anonymous]

My MB went off her anti anxiety medication to become pregnant and is now nursing. She is absolutely paralyzed with fear about germs and toxins. She wouldn’t let me wash a onesie that had poop on it because it would contaminate the washing machine. Or hand wash the item because it wouldn’t get clean enough. She told me just to leave it. Another example is that I cannot burp the baby on my shoulder because the baby will be too close to my face. I can’t take the baby for a walk because the buggy isn’t clean and I cannot clean it because cleaners are toxic even if you rinse them off.

Do I indulge her in this nonsense or just strongly reassure her that the baby is safe?

And when she goes back on her medication, how long will it take to work? Right now she wants to nurse for five to six weeks, but her DH is pushing her to wean sooner so she can go back on her medications.

[Anonymous]

Yikes!
Sounds definitely like a very severe case of anxiety.
I couldn’t agree more!

Personally I agree w/your DB.....that she needs to halt breastfeeding & go back on her medication stat.

But she obviously is committed to nursing for the next month or two and that is a decision that you are going to have to accept, no matter how rough it will be for you.

If you think you can grin + bear it for awhile, then you must try to if you really need this job right now.

However if working for this Mother becomes an unbearable situation, then do not feel bad about giving them notice.

You sound like you are truly trying your very best and that is to be commended.

To answer your question: -> Anti-anxiety medication can take up to six weeks to see some improvement so patience is definitely huge here.

Good luck OP!! ~

[Anonymous]

Have you addressed this with DB? Asked him whether he has advice about the best way to respond?

[Anonymous]

OP here. The DB has no clue how to handle her. It is really bad. I don’t think I can stand it for another month of nursing and then six weeks for the medication to take effect. I feel sorry for her but this is just impossible for me to handle.

[Anonymous]

You cannot "win" with someone with anxiety as severe as your MB's. I would give notice immediately - it is only going to get worse. And you will bear the brunt of her anxiety. Everything you do will not only be wrong but, in her mind, is endangering the life of her baby.

I implore you to give notice right away.

[Anonymous]

I would not go so far as to give notice if you otherwise like the job, but I would talk to DB one-on-one and let him know you cannot stay if this continues. Then it's on him to either get her back on her meds or find another path forward.

I'm assuming that this is not a new position and that there is an older child involved here--is that correct? If so, maybe consider if there are ways for you to be the caregiver for the older child while MB is (presumably?) on maternity leave and recovering. Be clear that you cannot share space with the mother until the medication takes effect. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

You are in an impossible situation, OP. Get out. I had a crazy MB like that who hurt my feelings so many times with her germ-phobia that I simply quit. It does NOT get better.

[Anonymous]

She is crazy. Time to find a new job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are in an impossible situation, OP. Get out. I had a crazy MB like that who hurt my feelings so many times with her germ-phobia that I simply quit. It does NOT get better.

People with severe anxiety like this are impossible to be around. Your MB is mentally ill, OP. Get out.

[Anonymous]

I had an MB like that and it was a horrible! She just had another baby and is back off her medication and looking for a new nanny (I left when her older child started preschool). I cannot recommend any nannies to her because I know how bad she will be to them.

You need to quit, OP.

[Anonymous]

Ask her husband to talk to her Dr. about possible meds that are safe to take while BF? Zoloft is an antidepressant that can help with anxiety too. It's one of the meds one can use while BF- my SIL stayed on hers during that time. Does she at least see a therapist? If not maybe that is a solution in the interim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her husband to talk to her Dr. about possible meds that are safe to take while BF? Zoloft is an antidepressant that can help with anxiety too. It's one of the meds one can use while BF- my SIL stayed on hers during that time. Does she at least see a therapist? If not maybe that is a solution in the interim.

No! Do not go behind your MB's back and talk to the husband about her medication! This is not your place or your responsibility. This crazy MB is making ti impossible to do your job - that is all the information you need to have. Just give your notice.

[Anonymous]

Kindly tell your MB that her anxiety is making it impossible to do your job and give your notice. I think it is important that she hear the truth. I agree with the others that the situation will only get worse and it is not something you should feel the need to put up with. This is not your problem. But do tell her the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kindly tell your MB that her anxiety is making it impossible to do your job and give your notice. I think it is important that she hear the truth. I agree with the others that the situation will only get worse and it is not something you should feel the need to put up with. This is not your problem. But do tell her the truth.

Why tell her the truth?? She'll just be mad if you do. What's the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kindly tell your MB that her anxiety is making it impossible to do your job and give your notice. I think it is important that she hear the truth. I agree with the others that the situation will only get worse and it is not something you should feel the need to put up with. This is not your problem. But do tell her the truth.

Why tell her the truth?? She'll just be mad if you do. What's the point?

Because the woman needs to hear - even if she doesn't accept it - that she has severe anxiety. To her everything she is doing seems right and normal. She needs to hear, gently and kindly, from someone who has been around many new mothers that her concerns are not normal or healthy.