Does any other nanny or mother have this issue?

[Anonymous]

DD is 2.5 and loves her nanny who has been with us since DD's birth. Nanny is amazing and she and my DD have a great time - I couldn't appreciate my DD's nanny more.

Happily, every morning, DD runs to nanny and they start their day. I get dressed and leave with no issues. However, whenever I surprise DD and come home early or show up someplace where she and nanny are as a surprise, DD gets unbelievably clingy to me and won't let me out of her sight. She is fine with me alone and fine with nanny alone but is a mess when we are together.

Example: Yesterday, I came home at 3 from a trip and DD was initially not happy to see me. Then she wouldn't let me out of her sight without crying. Nanny couldn't even bathe her while I handled a few work things in the other room without DD crying. I know nanny was bugged by DD's behavior and DD was miserable no matter how many times I told her that I was not going to leave.

My DD does not do this when DH shows up someplace or comes home early - just me.

What can I do?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Don’t come home early, or don’t let her see you. It’s not fair to your daughter or your nanny.

[Anonymous]

It's the age. Kids get confused when they get out of their routine. She'll grow out of it, but try to stick to routine as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

I am a child psychologist as welll as the mother of a child with a nanny. And my advice is do not come home until you can devote 90% of your attention to your child. Do not come home early unless you are ready for the nanny to leave early. You are making your child anxious by dropping in and of course your nanny will be irritated. What is best for your daughter is a set routine and not “surprises” that make her anxious. Nanny comes and parents leave - parents come home and nanny leaves.

[Anonymous]

DB works from home and constantly comes out of his office for many reasons (to get, get coffee, etc) and every time he comes out of his office to downstairs my charge gets really clingy and gets worried about him leaving. I’m on the brink of telling DB to stop coming down so much bc it ruins my routine with him. I know it’s DBs house and he has a right to eat but it’s confusing my charge

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a child psychologist as welll as the mother of a child with a nanny. And my advice is do not come home until you can devote 90% of your attention to your child. Do not come home early unless you are ready for the nanny to leave early. You are making your child anxious by dropping in and of course your nanny will be irritated. What is best for your daughter is a set routine and not “surprises” that make her anxious. Nanny comes and parents leave - parents come home and nanny leaves.

Apart from not being a child psychologist I agree with every word of this. And it's a stage that won't last forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a child psychologist as welll as the mother of a child with a nanny. And my advice is do not come home until you can devote 90% of your attention to your child. Do not come home early unless you are ready for the nanny to leave early. You are making your child anxious by dropping in and of course your nanny will be irritated. What is best for your daughter is a set routine and not “surprises” that make her anxious. Nanny comes and parents leave - parents come home and nanny leaves.

Apart from not being a child psychologist I agree with every word of this. And it's a stage that won't last forever.

Especially since she may have missed you sorely while you were away! I'm sure that made it worse.

[Anonymous]

Rare unanimous agreement on DCUM: stay away and stick to the routine. When you come home give your full attention to your kid and turn off your phone.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly why most nannies avoid wahp. The parents don’t seem to understand or care that they are making things confusing for their children and difficult for the nanny. And a parent who runs in every time the child cries at all is even worse!

With that said, I had one position that it worked when dad was home. I was 24/7, he was away for up to two months, then home all day up to two months. We were both crystal clear with kids that it didn’t matter who was there, we wouldn’t disagree, and going back and forth would get a faster no than just asking one.

[Anonymous]

You are being selfish, OP. You are making your child miserable by popping in on her and confusing her. Stop doing it.

-MB here

[Anonymous]

I have to agree w/the other responses on here.

As a Nanny, it would irritate me to have you simply pop in on occasion because it would change the child’s behavior dramatically & thus make my job more stressful.

It also disrupts the dynamic the Nanny has established for her + your child.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow, I thought I was the only one who had a problem like this! I’m a nanny to a 4 year old boy whose mother works from home full time. He constantly wants to run up and ask her things and if she comes downstairs or they otherwise come in contact, he doesn’t want to let her go, especially when he wants to procrastinate something, like nap time.

I understand the clinginess because that’s his mother and of course he wants her 24/7, it’s just that sometimes it’s a hindrance. And yes she does run in every time he cries!

At least this mother is looking for solutions. The one I work for willfully enables his behavior and some of you who said it’s irritating are right. It makes for very frustrating working conditions. I would never work for a parent who works full time from home ever again. Wish I could show the parents I work for this thread because I’m seeing some great advice!

[Anonymous]

OP, you are hurting your child. Lock your door or hide.
How about you take care of your own child.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t want you to leave. Don’t show up unexpectedly

[Anonymous]

This is totally normal, and I am confident that my kids have a great nanny and don't mind that I work.

I used to work from home one day a week, but after seeing (and having my nanny confirm) how much more poorly my kids behave when I'm home, I don't do this anymore. It wasn't fair to anyone.

If I have to come home early, I text the nanny and she distracts the kids while I literally sneak into my bedroom and lock the door.