Need advice - Au Pair has Herpes
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Anonymous
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Hi! So we just found out that our Au Pair has herpes....she came up for work this morning with a big oozing blister and a rash around her mouth. We noticed something perhaps a month or so ago too but she said it was just a pimple. Now, this morning there was no denying that it was not a pimple. My husband and I are outraged and also very disappointed about the situation. This was not listed on her medical form.
We have two young toddler girls, one who is immunocompromised. I know we need to put our girls first but we've also opened our home to this young lady who is a hard worker, sweet, and my girls have grown to enjoy being with. She also has a big vacation planned in a month which I know she would be devastated if we went into rematch and she didn't get matched again. I feel like we really don't have a choice as to whether or not we go into rematch or not given we don't want to be constantly worried if she may spread this to our girls; especially the immunocompromised one. My husband and I are also trying for our 3rd child and that obviously would a huge issue if we had a newborn. We have asked her in the past not to share food or drinks with our girls but have caught her in the past doing so and are now worried she's already shared her virus with them. I just don't think we can handle walking on eggshells and worrying about this for the next 8 months! What would you do if you were in our shoes??? |
Anonymous
| have her go to dr for antiviral pills. They are very effective in shortening the duration of the blisters and sometimes if taken early on they don't appear at all. I don't think I would rematch. Just make her wash hands and ask her not to kiss your kids or share foods. Wash towels in kitchen and common bathrooms daily. It will be ok. |
Anonymous
| She can shed virus even when there’s no cold sore. If you are ttc and have a child with a compromised immune system AND she’s been asked not to share germs but did anyway?! No brainer, rematch now!! |
Anonymous
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Are you and your husband doctors? If not, I would ask that she see a doctor and go from there. She might have picked at a pimple and caused an irritation. She might have bitten her lip hard, and then re-bitten it, which causes it to swell and "ooze."
Also, people with herpes are going to share cups with your children at some point, unless you home school them and hide them away from everyone. |
Anonymous
| Impetigo can also cause blisters that resemble herpes blisters if you aren't familiar with it. Have her go to the doctor to verify. |
Anonymous
It doesn't really matter what it is from a care perspective -- you need to trust the AP not to touch her mouth then anything the kids could touch (from doorknobs to water glasses). We had an AP give the kids pinkeye TWICE because she didn't believe me how contagious it was and was too lax about handwashing. Same AP who licked a spoon and stuck it back in the jelly jar; same AP who would lick her fingers then grab a handful of blueberries. No matter what we tried we could not get her to practice basic communal hygiene. We're not even germaphobes and it was rough. |
Anonymous
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Rematch. I wouldn't feel comfortable in your situation, and that's alot of stress for the family. Talk to LCC if you need support about it.
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Anonymous
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I really think you need a doctor's visit to reassure you, and I also think you need to calm down. This is a cold sore (HSV-1) we're talking about, not genital herpes (HSV-2). Most people have been or will be exposed to cold sores/oral herpes at some point in their lives. To prevent your kids from being exposed to HSV-1, you'd basically need to lock them into a bubble -- forget daycare, playdates, going to school. The odds are overwhelming that you and your spouse have already been exposed to HSV-1 in your lives.
A good antiviral like Valtrex will suppress the virus and keep it from shedding. My dh is prone to cold sores, and takes Valtrex daily. Although he gets them more frequently than the average person, in our 22 years together, I've never gotten one. Nor (despite occasionally sharing water bottles or bites off a fork) has any of my kids ever gotten one. Would I rematch? No. I'd get her to a doctor and a) get a diagnosis and b) get antivirals if necessary, and then c) reiterate that you don't want her sharing drinks/utensil with your kids at all (as a matter of good hygiene, irrespective of HSV-1). But what I would not do is a) overreact and b) treat this like she was hiding some dirty secret from you. |
Anonymous
| Not trying to be rude, but OP (and some PPs) seems to be over reacting here. Rematch? For cold sores? I get cold sores a few times a year (when sick or very stressed) and it would never occur to me in a million years to disclose this on any sort of medical form. It's just not something I think about or think is a particularly big deal. (I don't take any kind of anti-viral medication.) I'm not sure why OP is outraged. As PP said, almost everyone has been exposed to this virus. |
Anonymous
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There's a big difference between "normal" kids and immunocompromised ones. If we had an au pair that got sick every other week from the common cold AND an immunocompromised kid, we would totally rematch even for that. Why take a small chance of spreading anything and multiply it against the kid who CANNOT fight off the germs? I have no problems putting my kids first over an au pair.
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Anonymous
| Doctor and HP here. Agree with earlier post from 13:03. Worldwide, HSV1 infection is greater than 90%. Probably has dropped to 65-70% in Europe and US in recent times due to better hygiene practices. But very difficult to avoid. Most of us adults have it. I treat immunocompromised and have never recommended disowning a family member due to a cold sore. Au pair needs to see a doctor and the immunocompromised child’s doctor should be called for advice. Au pair needs strict instruction in hygiene and hand washing protocols for her and the children. It should be direct and she needs to be able to repeat back. If the child is immunocompromised, there should always be the standard infection protocols in the house followed by all family members. Many people, even educated, have little understanding of infectious disease or illness, so start from the basics, do not assume she knows when to wash hands etc. The child’s doctor or nurse can help with instruction if necessary. If she is unable/unwilling to comply or understand, then consider rematch. Hope this helps and good luck! |
Anonymous
| "About 60 percent of adults in the US are infected with HSV-1, which is the type of herpes simplex responsible for more than 98 percent of cold sores." From the NYTimes. Send her to the doctor. If she has HSV-1, this is really not a big deal. Your kids will almost certainly be exposed someday if they haven't been already. (Up to 25% of carriers are completely symptom free, so -- to be honest -- you don't even know that you and your DH don't have it.) Get her on antivirals, which decreases transmission rates. Make sure she is super strict about hygiene: no sharing food and no kissing; HSV-1 is actually difficult to spread indirectly (i.e., if she touches her face and then your kids, they are extraordinarily unlikely to get it). |
Anonymous
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Thank you all for your advice and insight. Yes, it was confirmed as HSV-1 on Saturday by a doctor and although we are aware it is a common infectious disease and many people are exposed to it having two young children who literally put everything in their mouths still; and one that is immunocompromised we decided it just wasn't work the risk of having someone living with us daily. It was a no win situation for anyone as she was a great Au Pair and a huge help. Obviously if it had been a parent we would have figured it all out but this whole situation just caught us off guard.
We also understand that it is unavoidable to be exposed to certain things throughout life but it would have constantly been on our minds daily as to whether or not proper hygiene was being followed and just not worth our sanity and stress. She rematched quickly and is already on the way to her new family and there were no hard feelings. In retrospect if we had known in advance and this was listed on her medical form as it should've been this whole situation could've been avoided. The agency itself said it should have been listed and didn't know why it wasn't. Lesson learned ....clarify any medical issues prior to matching with an Au Pair and express child's medical issues. |
Anonymous
Was the new family apprised of the virus? Will you get another AP now? What will you do for child care in the interim? |
Anonymous
Figured you were going to do that, it makes the most sense. With that scenario and an AP unwilling to follow directions to not share germs... |