Need advice - Au Pair has Herpes

[Anonymous]

Was the new family apprised of the virus? Will you get another AP now? What will you do for child care in the interim?

I really hope that the agency did the right thing by informing the new family but to be honest I am not sure. She matched in less than 12 hours and was gone in less than 10 from matching. The new host family did not reach out to me and I figure it's between the Au Pair, Agency, & New Host Family.

I of course am scrambling a bit but am fortunate to be a stay at home. I have a college girl I've used to babysit quite frequently and will hire her to be a mothers helper for the time being until we find a replacement Au Pair. I don't have any clue how long that'll take though...I'm not liking any of the available candidates right now...

[Anonymous]

You sound like a peach, op. Herpes is extremely common and you probably have it without your knowledge. You’re acting like your ap deliberately gave your children hiv.

[Anonymous]

OP, i think you are delusional frankly. I bet many if not most of the AP have it and you simply don't know. probably many of your friends and family members have the virus too, you just don't know (it looks like about 90% of adults may have the virus, even with no symtoms)i am surprised that the agency said this was supposed to be included in the health report. i have cold sores sometimes (rarely, maybe once every two or three years, usually when skin is under high stress like skiing with very cold weather and high sunshine, or too much time in the sun at the beach), normally i use a topic cream and in a day or two they are gone. when i fill health forms about my health, i never occur to me to mention that i get cold sores once in a while, because it is such a minor, common problem that it would never even think of it.

in short, you may feel better now that you got rid of your AP, but the reality is that the next AP is as much likely to have it too (you simply feel good because you don't know it), as many people around you and your kids (maybe even yourself or your spouse) may have it. teaching your kids good hygiene is what is going to make the difference.

i doubt the next family was mislead. if i was told that an AP was rematched because she had a cold sore i would lough.

[Anonymous]

I'm inclined to say that neither of you know what its like to see your child struggling health wise, nor have multiple hospital stays, tests, and surgeries on a not even 4 year old under your belt. Yes, we are well aware that it is prevalent in society and the percentages of people having it are high. We also would, like any parent would, prefer to protect our child from any unnecessary exposure to something that could potentially cause more health problems. How is it fair for her?

Might she get from school, or later in life from friends/significant others? Of course, but for now, she's been through enough. We didn't make this decision lightly and discussed with both her pediatrician and specialists at Childrens Hospital - who all concurred that in the case she got it she would be very likely to have more often and worse outbreaks. To have someone living in our home where the percentage of exposure was much higher than out in society we made the decision to rematch. Why even take the risk? I'm sorry if you don't understand our decision.

Truthfully, it was a no win situation for anyone. I'm happy to hear that everyone has many different opinions and ways that they would've handled it.

[Anonymous]

I should also mention that she had been hospitalized for it a few years ago and that most definitely should've been included in her health history. Obviously if you get a cold sore every couple years it's different than having a history and hospitalization which wasn't disclosed.

[Anonymous]

She was hospitalized? For HSV-1? Something seems off with this story.

[Anonymous]

OP - you were completely within your rights and I think made the right decision to rematch given your daughter's health status. Just recognize that this isnt a concern for most of us (and we are so lucky this is the case).

[Anonymous]

Rematch already.

She failed to disclose her medical condition to you, she failed to follow your instructions regarding sharing food, and poses a risk to you children. I can see that you care about her but you need to let this one go.

[Anonymous]

Hospitalized for a cold sore?!

[Anonymous]

With all due respect, I think this was partially your fault. If your child is so fragile and immunocompromised that a very common virus is a grave concern, this needs to be made CRYSTAL clear to your new AP during the screening process. It should have been made crystal clear to your old AP, too, but appears as though it wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

With all due respect, I think this was partially your fault. If your child is so fragile and immunocompromised that a very common virus is a grave concern, this needs to be made CRYSTAL clear to your new AP during the screening process. It should have been made crystal clear to your old AP, too, but appears as though it wasn’t.

+1

You do know the chances of your AP getting sick during the year are also pretty high?

[Anonymous]

I'm a big fan of the AP program, but if your dd is really that medically fragile, it doesn't sound like the AP program is the right choice for you. You should hire a nanny instead -- someone who will be a known quantity from year to year.

[Anonymous]

https://emedicine.medscape.com/article/964866-overview

Turns out you can be hospitalized for "just a cold sore", especially if you are a pediatric patient who is immunocompromised. Hospitals in Europe are more likely to hospitalize than US ones, and it is possible that the former au pair had other medical issues that she did not disclose. Immunocompromised runs the gamut. Recommendations for a child who is immunosuppressed from long term steroid therapy for asthma differ dramatically from one who has a primary immune deficiency, or is undergoing active treatment for childhood leukemia.

OP, I'm sorry you turned for support and found judgment. I use pro au pair. Much higher fees (sticker shock), and much fewer candidates. But they have nurses, physical therapists, occupational therapists, etc, depending on what your family's needs are. I wish you luck. I would have rematched over the hygiene alone in your situation, and as for HSV-1 issue followed the recommendation of my child's medical team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm inclined to say that neither of you know what its like to see your child struggling health wise, nor have multiple hospital stays, tests, and surgeries on a not even 4 year old under your belt. Yes, we are well aware that it is prevalent in society and the percentages of people having it are high. We also would, like any parent would, prefer to protect our child from any unnecessary exposure to something that could potentially cause more health problems. How is it fair for her?

Might she get from school, or later in life from friends/significant others? Of course, but for now, she's been through enough. We didn't make this decision lightly and discussed with both her pediatrician and specialists at Childrens Hospital - who all concurred that in the case she got it she would be very likely to have more often and worse outbreaks. To have someone living in our home where the percentage of exposure was much higher than out in society we made the decision to rematch. Why even take the risk? I'm sorry if you don't understand our decision.

Truthfully, it was a no win situation for anyone. I'm happy to hear that everyone has many different opinions and ways that they would've handled it.

If your child has such dire health problems, maybe hiring cheap foreign labor is not the most wise choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should also mention that she had been hospitalized for it a few years ago and that most definitely should've been included in her health history. Obviously if you get a cold sore every couple years it's different than having a history and hospitalization which wasn't disclosed.

This now makes no sense. If your daughter has already been hospitalized for HSV1, then she has HSV1. An AP with HSV1 isn't going to reinfect her. Of your young daughter has HSV1, no doubt you have it too. For someone supposedly with such a fragile child, you don't seem very educated about viruses.