Relationship with former charge's sibling

[Anonymous]

I was the nanny to a great little boy from the time he was a month old to three-years-old when he went to school. I have maintained a happy and loving relationship with him for the last three years since he started school by seeing him every week. I work for an wonderful family now (for the past three years) that is just a better fit for me and truly love their child as much as my previous charge and they are trying to have a second child. The mother of my former charge is pregnant now and asked if I would come back and nanny their new baby and I declined. She understood completely and I am helping her find a good nanny for the new baby.

My question is what my relationship will be with my former charge's sibling. Of course the nights I babysit my former charge, I will also be caring for their new baby but my weekly visits with my former charge will still be just he and I. I can't envision feeling bonded to the new baby since I will never be her full-time caregiver.

Has anyone been in this position before?

[Anonymous]

Don't babysit anymore. Transition to just doing one-on-one now, that way the child doesn't associate losing you as a babysitter with the new baby. You want to keep the bond with him, but you're right, without taking care of the baby full time, you won't have it with them and it's not fair to the infant to grow up with seeing that every time you babysit. The infant will develop t by email same kind of bond fir their nanny, so both kids get to see that closeness with their special person and they get to learn that they will have different people to love.

[Anonymous]

How do you know your boss is TTC? That seems like really private information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know your boss is TTC? That seems like really private information.

OP here. She told me and we talk openly about it. All of my employers, in fact, have always told me if they were trying for another child.

[Anonymous]

I am in this situation now. It is tricky to draw a line.

[Anonymous]

It is time to let go because there is no way you cannot have to babysit for New kid. You have moved on and it is time to let kid move on. This is life.

[Anonymous]

There's no need to bond with the baby in the same way you bonded with your former charge. That doesn't mean you can't take great care of the baby when you do babysit them both (if you choose to do so).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is time to let go because there is no way you cannot have to babysit for New kid. You have moved on and it is time to let kid move on. This is life.

Sounds reasonable but you have to remember that the feelings of a child are involved. I would never want our former nanny to walk away from my now five-year-old son. He loves her so much and they have maintained such a healthy bond. I understand that this doesn't happen for either nannies or their charges all the time and you may not be familiar with it, PP. But it is pretty powerful. Our former nanny and my son have "moved on" - they have just done it together. My son goes to all her new charges' birthday parties and her charges come to my son's parties. Our former nanny has become a good family friend.

All that said - I don't have a new baby. I think it is going to be a tricky situation for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is time to let go because there is no way you cannot have to babysit for New kid. You have moved on and it is time to let kid move on. This is life.

Yes, move on, but don't cut all contact. Take former charge out, but no babysitting the baby too. Keep the relationship special.