I feel incredibly guilty

[Anonymous]

I worked for a family for about three years. I was very underpaid $12 an hour with no raise, no PTO, no benefits at all for three years. I was oblivious to standard rates and benefits and very young when I started the job (19). I had been wanting to quit for years due to low pay and treatment but I adored the children. I started when the youngest was 3 months old. I had enough in February and found another position. I have a two weeks notice. My employer became very angry and let me go the next day (a Saturday). So the family who hired me asked if I could start earlier since I didn’t have to finish out my two weeks. I started my new job that following Monday and Wednesday my old employer contacted me and said she needed me to come back and finish my two weeks. I couldn’t, and she was VERY angry (left a scathing Care review and tried to contact my new employers. All things not out of character). I didn’t hear from her for weeks, and it hurt because I missed he kids. In mid-March she asked if I could babysit on an a Saturday. I agreed. It went fine, she was friendlier but complained about the new nanny they hired. I enjoyed seeing the kids. Things have been ok, I get pictures of the kids and saw them every couple of weeks. On Tuesday the youngest was injured on their new nannies watch. Nanny went outside to talk on the phone, the toddler (18 months) got out of crib during nap, feel down stairs. Fractured skull, concussion, broken demure and cracked ribs. I found out yesterday when my ex-employer texted me a rant about how I’m at fault because I put her in a tough situation and she had to find whoever could start because I didn’t finish out my two weeks. She said I didn’t care about her kids and wouldn’t get to see them again. It was awful and I’m still extremely upset and feel guilty. I do love and adore those kids, she makes it seem like I avoided them and I guess I did.

She always made me feel so guilty while working for her, and it still continues. I want to visit my charge in the hospital, I feel so terrible she got so hurt.

[Anonymous]

It is not your fault. It is the terrible mothers fault and yes she is a terrible mother. She hired quickly, didn’t care who she hired bc she’s cheap and didn’t get any qualified candidates. She is selfish and delusional. She treated you with such disregard I cannot even believe you would ever go back to babysit. My advice...walk away completely and block her number.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny.

I understand you feel guilty but you are not responsible for this mom's problems.

She wasn't nice to you : you should have stopped contacting them after the threats. Yes, it's hard because you love the kids but I've learned that when you don't get along with the parents any more, it'll be way toughter to keep in touch with the kids and at some point, you just loose touch and move on.

You will find good families to work for.
Just don't put yourself in a situation where you're not respected. Giving you this poor rate was the main red flag.

And remember one thing : we are NOT family for them.
I used to think so (and was told I was) but there's always a situation where they'll let you know you're not. Especially when you say no to a favor they ask.

[Anonymous]

OMG. She is a shitty abusive mom. I'm sorry you are so attached to the kids, but you have to cut yourself off cold turkey from her. Of course you are not at all at fault.

[Anonymous]

It is NOT your fault, OP. You gave your former employer two weeks notice and she let her emotions get the better of her and let you go immediately. She, your former employer, put herself in the position to hire quickly - not you. I do feel bad for your former charge, however, and totally blame his/her mother.

[Anonymous]

Do. Not. Feel. Guilty.

EVER!

This mother has zero right in the world blaming you for something that you played no part in.

She has a lot of nerve to put the blame on you.
And also to have fired you immediately after you gave her adequate notice you would be leaving in two weeks.
And her scathing online review plus her contacting your current family just shows she cannot control her own anger which does not bode well for her as your boss.

Just be grateful you have found a brand-new boss & that your previous one is no longer a part of your life.

I fully empathize w/you missing the children.
I sincerely do.
However this is the part where you have to let them go.
You will always care for them, but there is no way you can have them be a part of your life w/out their toxic mother too.

They will always be a huge part of your heart.
Take comfort in that.
Always.

[Anonymous]

What a nut! Move along and avoid crazy people in the future. I understand that you love your former charges, but as a nanny you will enter and exit children’s lives. Some you will remain in touch with and some you will not. This mother is a narcissist and here’s nothing you can do but walk away. I cannot believe that you ever went back after her treatment of you!!!

[Anonymous]

people say irrational things when they are upset-the mother knows that it is not your fault. she is grasping at straws in a traumatic situation. i would just stop returning her calls-even if she apologizes, the next time she's in a bind she will probably try to emotionally manipulate you again. not worth it.

[Anonymous]

I would stay away from that family even the kids. No more contact.

[Anonymous]

It is the new nanny's fault for walking outside when on the phone instead of being where she could have heard the toddler get out of his crib.

It is the mother's fault for letting her anger get in the way of having you do the two weeks so she could take the time to find someone good.

It is the mother's fault for not making it clear that her toddler is a climber and may wander to find someone.

It is the mother's fault for not having a baby gate at the top of the stairs.

[Anonymous]

It is not your fault! Also, the mother is crazy and you should block her from communicating with you. Get on with your life

[Anonymous]

That mom is wacko. Playing the victim. She probably hired a nanny for low pay and got what she paid for. She's learning a lesson about treating people like dirt but she'll probably never get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That mom is wacko. Playing the victim. She probably hired a nanny for low pay and got what she paid for. She's learning a lesson about treating people like dirt but she'll probably never get it.

Op gave her so much more than what she paid for. We can only feel sorry for the poor child who has an evil parent like that. Op has a heart of gold.

[Anonymous]

She is so manipulative. I'm sorry this happened, but its not your fault. You just have to let it go from your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is the new nanny's fault for walking outside when on the phone instead of being where she could have heard the toddler get out of his crib.

It is the mother's fault for letting her anger get in the way of having you do the two weeks so she could take the time to find someone good.

It is the mother's fault for not making it clear that her toddler is a climber and may wander to find someone.

It is the mother's fault for not having a baby gate at the top of the stairs.

I agree with all of this.