4 month old cries with nanny

[Anonymous]

I've had the nanny in question caring for my 14 week old son since he's 6 weeks old. He has always cried and fussed with her but we figured it was an adjustment process and also this is my first baby so I chalked it up to babies crying because that's what they do. I had over a week off from work this past week and so we didn't have the nanny come. Baby was with me and with other family members (sometimes left alone while I went out). The baby did not cry at all. In fact family members commented on what a friendly and sweet baby he is because of how calm he was, going down for naps easily, eating well, cooing, and even entertaining himself for a bit while we'd be talking or doing things nearby. Now I'm back at work and the crying with this nanny has resumed. Except I'm starting to think it's her, not him. Another point is I've noticed that he doesn't sleep when he's with her (like literally there have been days with no nap at all over the 10 hours that I'm gone, she says hes not falling asleep). Could he just be overtired?

Has anyone experienced something similar and has some advice, hiring a new nanny is a pain but are these warning signs to break it off or does she just need more time to "adjust"?

[Anonymous]

How often does she come over ?
Maybe he's not used to her yet ?

Do you work at home? Maybe he feels you're there (hears you or sees you) and it's harder for him.

How do you get along with the nanny ?

[Anonymous]

I would look for a new nanny. That does not sound right. Did this nanny have newborn experience?

[Anonymous]

I would make up some excuse about needing to set up security cameras in the common areas of your home.

Pretend something happened recently & you will now need them for awhile, etc.

Do not use a hidden Nanny camera, make sure to offer full disclosure to her that the cameras will be on.

If they do not bother her + she still is willing to work for you, than that is great.
You can watch how she interacts w/your son.

If she says that she is uncomfortable being filmed, then you have the perfect excuse to let her go.

[Anonymous]

We do have security cameras and I have to admit I haven't watched all the footage because it's hours upon hours, but browsing here and there she does seem to take care of him. The only mildly annoying things I've noticed is that sometimes she will try to finish another task while he's whining/crying lightly (which as his mother would be to me an indication that he wants attention, a game, or a nap) and that when he's full fledged bawling she doesn't seem to be able to soothe him at all. She just holds him and rocks him very slowly and sings this same song softly. I've tried to tell her to address these things and I think she has some but she still doesn't seem to be able to soothe him. I don't know if it's a matter of time or if by now not being able to soothe him means it's just not going to happen and I should move on looking for someone else.

I don't work from home (I wish!!) so I don't think that's the issue. She started part time 2-3 days a week for 10 hours each day) but we're not doing the full 5 days going forward. I don't know how long of an adjustment process should be normal, but he definitely has spent quite some time with her.

Regarding her experience, she provided two references from working with infants. We called the people and they said great things about her. And overall she does seem to know about babies (like how to handle pumped breast milk and change a diaper and all). She just doesn't seem to have the right touch with my baby.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised the nanny hasn’t quit yet.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a weird/bad fit. A baby that young should adjust fairly quickly because separation anxiety hasn’t really hit yet.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and have taken care of newborns for years. The four month old baby cry’s every moment she is awake and with me. I know it’s not me because I’ve been doing this for years and this is the only baby that has reacted like this. Mom isn’t gone morning to 5pm she is gone a few hours at night. The baby wants her mother that is with her 20 hours a day. I’m so tired of this situation. The moms love to blame the nanny. What do you think is going to happen when the baby is smart enough to know the difference between mom and nanny!

[Anonymous]

I had a baby that cried all day; he was 3 months and honestly, over 10 years in the field and this was the first time I couldn’t soothe a baby. He literally just screamed but it was the parents, IMO. I watched them, every time he cried, they ran and rocked him all over, up and down the house. As soon as he stopped, they got him happy, put him down and boom, he went back to wailing and they picked him up immediately. The mom would rock him to sleep and extra 30-40 minutes after he’d fall asleep, so you had to do the same or he would holler when you put him down. He never slept longer than 45 minutes. We ended up parting ways because they only needed 1-2 days and I was just helping out for a short period. They told me they had someone and then about 4 months later, I came across their page and they were seeking a new nanny— I assume it didn’t go well with the nanny after me, either.

I tried my hardest and I am fine with holding a baby and soothing, but it’s not healthy to hold them for 10 hours— not for you or them. You should be able to put a baby down in a rocker, play mat etc., at that age and then being able to be content for a few minutes before needing to put them elsewhere or move on to another activity. In your case, it’s weird that he is calm with family members that he doesn’t see often but again, you were present during that time. I’m not saying it’s you (because I don’t know) but he is used to something that the nanny isn’t aware of that helps soothe him. It’s not the nanny’s fault since you say she’s doing everything right, so maybe have a talk with her and ask her how she feels about everything? Make sure she’s not overwhelmed and see if you guys could work together and fix it? Or, give her a couple days off, have someone else come in and then see if things change.

[Anonymous]

You are the problem, OP

[Anonymous]

The week off will set everything back to the start again.

[Anonymous]

Aside from the fact that you nurse your baby (assuming you do) and the nanny bottlefeeds, is there anything that you two do differently? As a PP mentioned, do you and your nanny soothe or put the baby down to nap differently?

[Anonymous]

How is the nanny with DH all day?

[Anonymous]

-This post is originally from April of 2018. The baby isn't even a baby anymore.
-Don't be so quick to blame the mom. She clearly said in the original post that she leaves the house. When family members were visiting, she also left them alone with the baby.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the nanny was doing something "bad," but it does sound like a bad fit. She should been soothing him *before* he gets to the full out wail. If he needs to be held more at that age, nanny should have looked into wearing him for some of her tasks.

It sounds as if the nanny didn't have enough experience with newborns. I would have asked her previous employers how much training and overseeing they needed to do. I'd bet they did a lot of hand holding and guidance with the nanny.