Mom contacting my nanny

[Anonymous]

It appears another mom at school has been texting my nanny asking her to watch her son after school till the mom can arrive, and also texting her to arrange play dates so she can take her other child to his various dentist/ped appointments. I wouldn’t mind if it was an occasional thing, but she’s been texting my nanny quite often and even at night to make plans for the next day. Would love some advice on how to tactfully nip this in the bud.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to interfere directly (yet)...but do let your nanny know that she has complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. As long as your nanny knows that her job is not in any way in jeopardy if she says "I'm sorry...I won't be able to do that." then she will feel empowered to do whatever makes her comfortable.
If the other mom is often having your kid over for playdates, your nanny may feel obligated to reciprocate from time to time by having her kid over (or by watching her for 10 minutes until the other mom can get there, etc)...moms do this for each other all the time. And it's not that unreasonable to ask IF that is what's going on. (When you think of it that way, on days when your DC is playing at that mom's house, you are paying your nanny for that time even when she is not watching your child. So it's not really an imposition for the other mom to ASK. Nanny can always say "no can do...sorry.")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to interfere directly (yet)...but do let your nanny know that she has complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. As long as your nanny knows that her job is not in any way in jeopardy if she says "I'm sorry...I won't be able to do that." then she will feel empowered to do whatever makes her comfortable.
If the other mom is often having your kid over for playdates, your nanny may feel obligated to reciprocate from time to time by having her kid over (or by watching her for 10 minutes until the other mom can get there, etc)...moms do this for each other all the time. And it's not that unreasonable to ask IF that is what's going on. (When you think of it that way, on days when your DC is playing at that mom's house, you are paying your nanny for that time even when she is not watching your child. So it's not really an imposition for the other mom to ASK. Nanny can always say "no can do...sorry.")

She doesn't have complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. If she works for OP, OP decides how that time will be used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to interfere directly (yet)...but do let your nanny know that she has complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. As long as your nanny knows that her job is not in any way in jeopardy if she says "I'm sorry...I won't be able to do that." then she will feel empowered to do whatever makes her comfortable.
If the other mom is often having your kid over for playdates, your nanny may feel obligated to reciprocate from time to time by having her kid over (or by watching her for 10 minutes until the other mom can get there, etc)...moms do this for each other all the time. And it's not that unreasonable to ask IF that is what's going on. (When you think of it that way, on days when your DC is playing at that mom's house, you are paying your nanny for that time even when she is not watching your child. So it's not really an imposition for the other mom to ASK. Nanny can always say "no can do...sorry.")

She doesn't have complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. If she works for OP, OP decides how that time will be used.

Yeah--if the mom wants playdates, she should contact OP. I would tell the nanny that you don't want her watching someone else's kid when she's on the clock for you without your prior approval. If she's comfortable hosting playdates, then again, she should direct those requests to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to interfere directly (yet)...but do let your nanny know that she has complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. As long as your nanny knows that her job is not in any way in jeopardy if she says "I'm sorry...I won't be able to do that." then she will feel empowered to do whatever makes her comfortable.
If the other mom is often having your kid over for playdates, your nanny may feel obligated to reciprocate from time to time by having her kid over (or by watching her for 10 minutes until the other mom can get there, etc)...moms do this for each other all the time. And it's not that unreasonable to ask IF that is what's going on. (When you think of it that way, on days when your DC is playing at that mom's house, you are paying your nanny for that time even when she is not watching your child. So it's not really an imposition for the other mom to ASK. Nanny can always say "no can do...sorry.")

She doesn't have complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. If she works for OP, OP decides how that time will be used.

Well, I guess that's one way to look at this arrangement, but I sure don't want to micromanage our nanny this way. And I would not hire someone who would not feel comfortable saying "no" to a simple request from another adult. But if she needed my "blessing" to say no, I would happily give that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to interfere directly (yet)...but do let your nanny know that she has complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. As long as your nanny knows that her job is not in any way in jeopardy if she says "I'm sorry...I won't be able to do that." then she will feel empowered to do whatever makes her comfortable.
If the other mom is often having your kid over for playdates, your nanny may feel obligated to reciprocate from time to time by having her kid over (or by watching her for 10 minutes until the other mom can get there, etc)...moms do this for each other all the time. And it's not that unreasonable to ask IF that is what's going on. (When you think of it that way, on days when your DC is playing at that mom's house, you are paying your nanny for that time even when she is not watching your child. So it's not really an imposition for the other mom to ASK. Nanny can always say "no can do...sorry.")

She doesn't have complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. If she works for OP, OP decides how that time will be used.

Yeah--if the mom wants playdates, she should contact OP. I would tell the nanny that you don't want her watching someone else's kid when she's on the clock for you without your prior approval. If she's comfortable hosting playdates, then again, she should direct those requests to you.

This seems very demeaning to the nanny. She has to clear all playdates with OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to interfere directly (yet)...but do let your nanny know that she has complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. As long as your nanny knows that her job is not in any way in jeopardy if she says "I'm sorry...I won't be able to do that." then she will feel empowered to do whatever makes her comfortable.
If the other mom is often having your kid over for playdates, your nanny may feel obligated to reciprocate from time to time by having her kid over (or by watching her for 10 minutes until the other mom can get there, etc)...moms do this for each other all the time. And it's not that unreasonable to ask IF that is what's going on. (When you think of it that way, on days when your DC is playing at that mom's house, you are paying your nanny for that time even when she is not watching your child. So it's not really an imposition for the other mom to ASK. Nanny can always say "no can do...sorry.")

She doesn't have complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. If she works for OP, OP decides how that time will be used.

Yeah--if the mom wants playdates, she should contact OP. I would tell the nanny that you don't want her watching someone else's kid when she's on the clock for you without your prior approval. If she's comfortable hosting playdates, then again, she should direct those requests to you.

This seems very demeaning to the nanny. She has to clear all playdates with OP?

I would say no for mutual play dates, but this is more like routine babysitting. Maybe MB doesn't want her son to have play dates so often. I would want to be asked if it were becoming a regular thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to interfere directly (yet)...but do let your nanny know that she has complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. As long as your nanny knows that her job is not in any way in jeopardy if she says "I'm sorry...I won't be able to do that." then she will feel empowered to do whatever makes her comfortable.
If the other mom is often having your kid over for playdates, your nanny may feel obligated to reciprocate from time to time by having her kid over (or by watching her for 10 minutes until the other mom can get there, etc)...moms do this for each other all the time. And it's not that unreasonable to ask IF that is what's going on. (When you think of it that way, on days when your DC is playing at that mom's house, you are paying your nanny for that time even when she is not watching your child. So it's not really an imposition for the other mom to ASK. Nanny can always say "no can do...sorry.")

She doesn't have complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. If she works for OP, OP decides how that time will be used.

If it's a sitter, than yes. Experienced nannies typically figure out the days, but generally according to the needs of her charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to interfere directly (yet)...but do let your nanny know that she has complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. As long as your nanny knows that her job is not in any way in jeopardy if she says "I'm sorry...I won't be able to do that." then she will feel empowered to do whatever makes her comfortable.
If the other mom is often having your kid over for playdates, your nanny may feel obligated to reciprocate from time to time by having her kid over (or by watching her for 10 minutes until the other mom can get there, etc)...moms do this for each other all the time. And it's not that unreasonable to ask IF that is what's going on. (When you think of it that way, on days when your DC is playing at that mom's house, you are paying your nanny for that time even when she is not watching your child. So it's not really an imposition for the other mom to ASK. Nanny can always say "no can do...sorry.")

She doesn't have complete autonomy as to whether to accommodate or decline these requests. If she works for OP, OP decides how that time will be used.

If it's a sitter, than yes. Experienced nannies typically figure out the days, but generally according to the needs of her charge.

Experienced nannies don't make themselves available to other parents during the time they are engaged elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

does your nanny get paid by this other mom? She may well be...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:does your nanny get paid by this other mom? She may well be...

That would be a problem.

[Anonymous]

You don't own your nanny.

What she does OUTSIDE of her work schedule with you is HER business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It appears another mom at school has been texting my nanny asking her to watch her son after school till the mom can arrive, and also texting her to arrange play dates so she can take her other child to his various dentist/ped appointments. I wouldn’t mind if it was an occasional thing, but she’s been texting my nanny quite often and even at night to make plans for the next day. Would love some advice on how to tactfully nip this in the bud.

She isn't "your" nanny, lady. She's your child's nanny.
Please grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't own your nanny.

What she does OUTSIDE of her work schedule with you is HER business.

It's not outside of the work schedule with OP; she wants the nanny to pick up her kid from school and watch her along with OP's kid. That's more than just scheduling a playdate.

I'd agree that it was none of OP's business if the other parent was seeking the nanny's services during her off hours.

[Anonymous]

I would personally let her know that caring for an add’l child is not a good plan for your Nanny.

That your Nanny has enough responsibilities on her plate & that is enough for her.

Tell her that you are happy that she sees all the great qualities in your Nanny + that you sincerely hope she can find someone equally awesome for her child!