How to explain/talk about a fired nanny to a three-year-old?

[Anonymous]

DS has had two nannies. His first nanny from six months of age to 2.5 was wonderful and amazing and they love each other. The first nanny was unable to travel with us and we more than amicably parted ways. He talks about his first nanny all the time and she visits him for a few hours every three weeks to a month since leaving 5 months ago. She is a beloved family friend now. His second nanny of the last five months simply did not work out and was let go last week. The circumstances of her firing made it impossible to let there be any formal good-bye. This past week I was home with him and he didn't mention the new nanny at all. I haven't said anything to him one way or the other. What should I do? I love that our first nanny was able to maintain a relationship with my son and he has never felt abandoned by her. He liked the second nanny enough but it was never the love-fest he had with his first nanny.

A new nanny (third) nanny will be starting in a few weeks. What, if anything should I say to my son?

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Say something brief like, "nanny Larla isn't going to be able to come to our house anymore, but nanny Susie is here!"

While it is important for kids to have long term bonds, he has them: with you, his other parent (presumably), and the old nanny. He's not going to bond immediately with someone new, and it isn't going to be hugely traumatic when they leave. Think of it more like moving to a new school and leaving your old teacher than having mom disappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. Say something brief like, "nanny Larla isn't going to be able to come to our house anymore, but nanny Susie is here!"

While it is important for kids to have long term bonds, he has them: with you, his other parent (presumably), and the old nanny. He's not going to bond immediately with someone new, and it isn't going to be hugely traumatic when they leave. Think of it more like moving to a new school and leaving your old teacher than having mom disappear.

+1 I agree. His first nanny was with him from his earliest memory and stayed with him for two years. She was his comfort as a baby. Starting when he was 2.5, his second nanny was more of a teacher and will never have the same impact that his first nanny had.

BTW, I love that his first nanny is still in his life. So responsible and respectful for both you and the first nanny to honor that relationship. Your first nanny is also an amazing woman to give up her weekend time to see your son.

[Anonymous]

Don’t say anything unless he says something. When it’s time to introduce the next nanny, he may have questions, but he may not.

[Anonymous]

He is two years old and has had three nannies. You are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is two years old and has had three nannies. You are the problem.

OP here. Believe that if you want but I can promise you it is not the case or our first nanny would not be such a big part of our lives. Our beloved first nanny was simply unable to travel with us and our lives suddenly involved massive traveling. I can't tell you what the second nanny did but you will have to trust me when I tell you that anyone would have fired her. And DS is three plus. His first nanny was with us for over 2.5 years and his second nanny just five months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. Say something brief like, "nanny Larla isn't going to be able to come to our house anymore, but nanny Susie is here!"

While it is important for kids to have long term bonds, he has them: with you, his other parent (presumably), and the old nanny. He's not going to bond immediately with someone new, and it isn't going to be hugely traumatic when they leave. Think of it more like moving to a new school and leaving your old teacher than having mom disappear.

+1 I agree. His first nanny was with him from his earliest memory and stayed with him for two years. She was his comfort as a baby. Starting when he was 2.5, his second nanny was more of a teacher and will never have the same impact that his first nanny had.

BTW, I love that his first nanny is still in his life. So responsible and respectful for both you and the first nanny to honor that relationship. Your first nanny is also an amazing woman to give up her weekend time to see your son.

+2. Your first nanny is beyond generous for staying in close contact with your son. The second and probably third nanny won't mean the same to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is two years old and has had three nannies. You are the problem.

OP stated the first nanny was there for 2.5 of his three years. Second one didn't work out. I'm guessing from your useless nasty response that you are a nanny who has been let go more than once and have no idea that you're the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is two years old and has had three nannies. You are the problem.

OP stated the first nanny was there for 2.5 of his three years. Second one didn't work out. I'm guessing from your useless nasty response that you are a nanny who has been let go more than once and have no idea that you're the problem.

1

[Anonymous]

I truly hope for the sake of your precious son that this new Nanny will be good.

Because at his age, to be already on his third Nanny does not bode well for him.

It would be a shame if your son intentionally didn’t get too close to anyone because he knew they would likely not stick around.

Here’s hoping that this new Nanny works works out well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly hope for the sake of your precious son that this new Nanny will be good.

Because at his age, to be already on his third Nanny does not bode well for him.

It would be a shame if your son intentionally didn’t get too close to anyone because he knew they would likely not stick around.

Here’s hoping that this new Nanny works works out well!

Thanks so much, Miss Obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly hope for the sake of your precious son that this new Nanny will be good.

Because at his age, to be already on his third Nanny does not bode well for him.

It would be a shame if your son intentionally didn’t get too close to anyone because he knew they would likely not stick around.

Here’s hoping that this new Nanny works works out well!

I am a nanny and I disagree. Her son has maintained a close relationship with his first nanny and is now three and most likely in preschool part-time. This last nanny and any other nanny will be like switching teachers in school for him. If he bonds with future nannies that is fine and could be hard to lose them but if he doesn't it will be fine as well. He has the love and support of his parents and first nanny.

[Anonymous]

Say nothing unless you need to OP. This won't be a big deal to him. If he asks you can say "Nanny Jane had to go help another family so we get to have Nanny Jackie now. What toy do you want to show her first?" And move on.

Assuming all other parts of his world are stable, and the parents are calm and not stressed, he will sail through this.

[Anonymous]

Since the second nanny was with you for such a short time, I would follow your son's lead. If he asks about her - answer him - reassure him that her leaving had nothing to do with him. If he wants to talk about her - talk about her. Always be kind when speaking of her.