MB doesn't care about my health

[Anonymous]

I have been diagnosed with a chronic but not life threatening condition after being unwell for a number of months. MB knows I haven't been well but I have continued to work for her. She and I used to have a warm relationship and she used to be very caring. Since my diagnosis she seems awkward and a bit cold around me. I feel hurt that she never asked how my hospital appointments were and in general seems disinterested. Should I ask if she is having second thoughts about me working for her?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t ask if she’s having second thoughts about you working for her. She may have something going on with her (health, job or overwhelmed for whatever reason). Just continue to do your job as best you can and as long as you do that, what can she say or do? She is your employer and not your friend, so she doesn’t have to ask how you’re feeling every single day or week, although it may be nice to see that she cares. Keep your emotions to yourself.

[Anonymous]

About how old are the children, and how long have you been taking care of them?

I am sorry about your health challenges. I'd maybe ask her to schedule a meeting without the children and tell her you'd like to talk about your situation.

[Anonymous]

OP: How has your health problem affected your job? Have you missed work? Had to modify your activities? If so, that's more likely what's on your MB's mind. How it will impact her and her kids. Sounds a little uncaring, but that's the primary basis for your relationship.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to her, OP. It sounds like she is distancing herself to let you go.

[Anonymous]

My personal rule is to never ask a question that you don't want the answer to. I think that this could prompt an uncomfortable situation before either of you are ready. I agree that she may have something else going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: How has your health problem affected your job? Have you missed work? Had to modify your activities? If so, that's more likely what's on your MB's mind. How it will impact her and her kids. Sounds a little uncaring, but that's the primary basis for your relationship.

And if you have she might be resentful (wether she realizes it or not) because it's affecting your job.

[Anonymous]

She’s your boss, not your friend...

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I have learned to understand with time that most MBs do not care about our health or anything about us as long as we can perform the job properly.
She's paying for a service and you provide it. End of the story.
We're not family, it's just a business. Once you've understood that, it's easier to navigate.
Don't feel bad, OP. That's a reality check.

[Anonymous]

What's the condition, OP? No one can give very effective advice without that information. It's an anonymous forum.

[Anonymous]

She cares about you only insofar as what you can do for her and if you are sick then you can't do as much for her as she wants. She is probably already interviewing for your replacement so be prepared to get thevheabe ho very soon

Nannies, you are employees not friends. It is a job, nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She cares about you only insofar as what you can do for her and if you are sick then you can't do as much for her as she wants. She is probably already interviewing for your replacement so be prepared to get thevheabe ho very soon

Nannies, you are employees not friends. It is a job, nothing more.

+1

MB here. My last nanny wasn't ill but she was pregnant. We let her take our kid to all her obgyn appointments on the clock, let her off early at least twice a week during her third trimester so she could rest, gave her 12 weeks of paid leave after she had her baby while paying for a back up nanny while she was out for those 12 weeks, she came back and quit 2 weeks later. I did all this because I cared about her and considered her to be more than an employee. Boy was I stupid. Never again. Nannies are employees and not friends!

[Anonymous]

Do you have Crohn's? Is the dad being SUPER attentive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She cares about you only insofar as what you can do for her and if you are sick then you can't do as much for her as she wants. She is probably already interviewing for your replacement so be prepared to get thevheabe ho very soon

Nannies, you are employees not friends. It is a job, nothing more.

+1

MB here. My last nanny wasn't ill but she was pregnant. We let her take our kid to all her obgyn appointments on the clock, let her off early at least twice a week during her third trimester so she could rest, gave her 12 weeks of paid leave after she had her baby while paying for a back up nanny while she was out for those 12 weeks, she came back and quit 2 weeks later. I did all this because I cared about her and considered her to be more than an employee. Boy was I stupid. Never again. Nannies are employees and not friends!

It’s better to be the person who gets taken advantage of because you are too giving than be the person who is cold and only thinks about themselves. Obviously, with most everything, there is a spectrum, but let your lesson be to put contingencies in the contract, not to be cold hearted. Good for you for being a caring human! Sorry that you were taken advantage of. Most people would not consider taking advantage of our employers’ generosity!

OP, is your illness affecting your job AT ALL? That may be the issue. And now that your employers know that it is permanent they will likely need to look for a replacement if you cannot perform at the level you were hired to perform at. Or she may be uncomfortable talking about your illness for whatever reason, and that is perfectly acceptable. She’s not your mom, she’s your boss.

[Anonymous]

She is your employer, not your friend. She hired a nanny so she could work. Its not appropriate for her to ask how your appointments went.