DH and nanny texts

[Anonymous]

I gave DH our nannys number as felt it was necessary as I get so busy at work I can't always text/call her first.
Nanny is going through some health problems and today found out that he had been given advice and lots of support over text.
Not sure how I feel about this, should I put a stop to it?
I was working when the texts were sent and DH mentioned it first but there were a lot of messages going back and forth and not sure I like it.

[Anonymous]

TROLL ALERT

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong in what you are mentioning.
Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TROLL ALERT

+1

If this were true, you surely wouldn’t be looking here for feedback.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I text the dad, sometimes I text the mom. Most of the time I use the group text. Depending on the situation, I tend to text who I think will respond the most quickly, usually the dad.

[Anonymous]

Either a troll or red flag, one or the other. I don't take a position without full contact information for both parents, custodial or not. If the non-custidial is not to have any contact, I need to know where to avoid, and if both parents live at home? No brainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I text the dad, sometimes I text the mom. Most of the time I use the group text. Depending on the situation, I tend to text who I think will respond the most quickly, usually the dad.

Same. I only use individual texts when I know it's disruptive to one or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave DH our nannys number as felt it was necessary as I get so busy at work I can't always text/call her first.
Nanny is going through some health problems and today found out that he had been given advice and lots of support over text.
Not sure how I feel about this, should I put a stop to it?
I was working when the texts were sent and DH mentioned it first but there were a lot of messages going back and forth and not sure I like it.

For real? I would absolutely want my husband to be able to contact the nanny, and vice versa.

But go ahead, tell your husband you're jealous of the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Troll.
Husband. Should know there is boundaries. From the beggining married people should know, argue about what is acceptable and what not. That he has to put you first and vice versa. Tell him it's not professional and ethnic for a husband. Woukd you like me to be that close with my male coworkers?

[Anonymous]

Pp, I think you mean ethical, not ethnic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I text the dad, sometimes I text the mom. Most of the time I use the group text. Depending on the situation, I tend to text who I think will respond the most quickly, usually the dad.

Same. I only use individual texts when I know it's disruptive to one or the other.

This sounds like the best approach.

[Anonymous]

she's pinch hitting

[Anonymous]

Group texts are annoying - my husband would freak out if his phone was blowing up with conversations between me and the nanny. I'm usually more available, so she and I text more, but she has her own text conversations with him (we also have a group text but don't use it that often). I'd find it weird if my nanny confided something in my husband that she hadn't confided in me (like if only he knew that she was going through some health issues), but if I also knew and he happened to have texted her about it? I'd say good on him for being such a nice guy. Our nanny has commented before on how most of the dads she's worked with in the past are very standoffish and cold with her and she is so grateful that my husband isn't like that. He doesn't hug her or anything, but they can easily have a conversation and there is no awkwardness between them. He handled all the morning duties for three years while I worked downtown, so they saw each other every morning, and I wouldn't think it was remotely weird if they talked about something then, especially if she showed up to work not feeling well or late or something and they discussed that it was because of her health issues.

[Anonymous]

If you really want honest feedback, send the actual content of the texts. "Being supportive" could be anything from a dismissive "hope you're feeling better/sorry you're sick" to an involved "I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you/I can come over and rub your back if you need me to."

[Anonymous]

Assuming this is not a troll - I would not like it if our nanny was having text convos with DH about her health during her work hours simply because it’s not appropriate and not something I would do. If she’s not feeling well and it’s impacting her job in real time, I would limit our texts to what if anything she should do about it then and there and save sympathy and advice to when I see her in person. What OP is describing sounds like an exercise of poor judgment and lack of professionalism on the part of both the nanny and her husband, not to mention a huge time suck. We once had a caregiver who would send me streams of texts both during and outside of work hours and I had to set guidelines with her on what and when to text me about vs in-person. In OP’s shoes, I would do the same with both DH and nanny in separate conversations.