Should I just lie or be honest...

[Anonymous]

I finally found a weekend childcare situation (which I need for work). It is affordable, I like the lady, and my son loves it too. I mentioned to the care giver (who is grandma aged) that I need someone with flexible hours during the week as well, and she recommended her daughter's good friend ( who is late 20s). The friend came over once while I was dropping off my son. She was really nice. We didn't click on account of our strong personalities. But she is way stronger than me- kind of overbearing. After the meeting I asked her rate-it was way higher than I can afford. I texted her back that I could try to swing it if we reduce the hours and she agreed. Well every day since then I've been trying to make it work, but bottom line is I cannot afford her. And not only that, it's not an ideal personality match, so I don't feel enthusiastic about cutting back on other things to afford her.

My son is being assessed for speech issues later this month with the county. I was thinking of just telling her I cannot afford her, but should I soften the blow by saying I have to pay for private speech or something? Whatever happens I just don't want to piss her off. She has that strong personality, and I don't want her saying bad things about me to the care giver who gave me the recommendation.

So should I tell a white lie (that may end up being true) to counter any bad feelings?

[Anonymous]

Just say that you can’t afford her.

[Anonymous]

Go half way : say it's not working out and that you wish her good luck to find another gig.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her that you can’t afford her. That is already impersonal enough that it shouldn’t sting. I will add that you should give her some notice 3 weeks at least) if you want to keep the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her that you can’t afford her. That is already impersonal enough that it shouldn’t sting. I will add that you should give her some notice 3 weeks at least) if you want to keep the relationship.

No notice when being fired .

[Anonymous]

How about something like:

"Janet, unfortunately I am not going to be able to employ you the way I had hoped to. I know you already compromised on your rate for me, and I really thought I could swing it (and really wanted to!) but I just can't make the numbers work. I'm facing possible additional services needed for Billy also so I may really need to have some funds available if it turns out that he needs special help with his speech issues. I'm so sorry to have to go back on this. If I hear of anyone in need of a caregiver I will let you know."

If you are on a parenting group, or a neighborhood listserv, or even the job boards here on this thread, you could share a couple of possible jobs that you saw with her and offer to broker that connection for her.

And then don't overthink or worry about it. Your job is finding the best care for your child, not worrying so much about anyone else's opinion of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about something like:

"Janet, unfortunately I am not going to be able to employ you the way I had hoped to. I know you already compromised on your rate for me, and I really thought I could swing it (and really wanted to!) but I just can't make the numbers work. I'm facing possible additional services needed for Billy also so I may really need to have some funds available if it turns out that he needs special help with his speech issues. I'm so sorry to have to go back on this. If I hear of anyone in need of a caregiver I will let you know."

If you are on a parenting group, or a neighborhood listserv, or even the job boards here on this thread, you could share a couple of possible jobs that you saw with her and offer to broker that connection for her.

And then don't overthink or worry about it. Your job is finding the best care for your child, not worrying so much about anyone else's opinion of you.

+1
Perfect Answer here.
But later down the line, would she find out the truth through your mutual friend?

[Anonymous]

If you can't afford her, you can't afford her. I don't see any reason why you would want to lie about that.

The strong personality thing doesn't need to be brought up.

[Anonymous]

I told her I couldn't afford her rate but offered less weekly hours. She didn't get back to me so I guess that's it

Back to the search!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told her I couldn't afford her rate but offered less weekly hours. She didn't get back to me so I guess that's it

Back to the search!

Sounds good, OP. At least that problem is taken care of.

The right person will come along in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about something like:

"Janet, unfortunately I am not going to be able to employ you the way I had hoped to. I know you already compromised on your rate for me, and I really thought I could swing it (and really wanted to!) but I just can't make the numbers work. I'm facing possible additional services needed for Billy also so I may really need to have some funds available if it turns out that he needs special help with his speech issues. I'm so sorry to have to go back on this. If I hear of anyone in need of a caregiver I will let you know."

If you are on a parenting group, or a neighborhood listserv, or even the job boards here on this thread, you could share a couple of possible jobs that you saw with her and offer to broker that connection for her.

And then don't overthink or worry about it. Your job is finding the best care for your child, not worrying so much about anyone else's opinion of you.

+1
Perfect Answer here.
But later down the line, would she find out the truth through your mutual friend?

Unless OP is telling everyone about the personality mismatch, then there is nothing to find out.