Upset with nanny for issue unrelated to her job.....

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has two teenagers that do not have driver’s licenses, but she allows them to drive and bought them a car.

One of the kids had an accident in the snow, and the nanny asked for a small loan to get the car fixed.

We gave her the loan but at the time I handed over the money I said “hey, you know I really worry about your kids driving without licenses and all the problems this could cause for you if something happens. If your kids end up going to jail or having immigration problems because of this, I’m sorry but we just won’t be able to get involved or help you at all.”

Was that terrible? It just makes me so angry that she’s taking these kinds of risks in her life. I’ve told her repeatedly that driving without a license in the US is an extremely big deal. I’ve given her paid time off work to take her kids to get their licensees (they keep failing the test).

I know this makes her sound very irresponsible but when it comes to the care of our child, she is truly wonderful. I wish she just wouldn’t tell me this stuff.

[Anonymous]

She paid for the loan you gave her with having to listen to your speech. Only she can decide if it was worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She paid for the loan you gave her with having to listen to your speech. Only she can decide if it was worth it.

Op here. Do you think I’m really overreacting? We are probably overly involved with the nanny’s family because they live very close to us and her kids often pop by when she’s working to say hi to our kid. I certainly don’t ask her about these things but in the past she has asked us for help with various life issues (a problem at her kids school, an issue with her cell phone, etc.). They are recent, fully legal immigrants but do not speak any English so we try to help them when we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She paid for the loan you gave her with having to listen to your speech. Only she can decide if it was worth it.

If the kids hurt someone while driving and don’t have a license, isn’t that a criminal issue? They are green card holders, not citizens so if they commit a crime, deportation is a likely consequence, isn’t it?

And whatever “insurance” they have on the car would not be valid for an unlicensed driver, correct?

I used to have a lot of compassion for them since they are new here but that is quickly evaporating because I have tried so many times to tell them this is a big deal and why and also given her PAID TIME OFF to try and get this sorted and they just kinda don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She paid for the loan you gave her with having to listen to your speech. Only she can decide if it was worth it.

If the kids hurt someone while driving and don’t have a license, isn’t that a criminal issue? They are green card holders, not citizens so if they commit a crime, deportation is a likely consequence, isn’t it?

And whatever “insurance” they have on the car would not be valid for an unlicensed driver, correct?

I used to have a lot of compassion for them since they are new here but that is quickly evaporating because I have tried so many times to tell them this is a big deal and why and also given her PAID TIME OFF to try and get this sorted and they just kinda don’t care.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this at all. It became your business when she asked you for $$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She paid for the loan you gave her with having to listen to your speech. Only she can decide if it was worth it.

If the kids hurt someone while driving and don’t have a license, isn’t that a criminal issue? They are green card holders, not citizens so if they commit a crime, deportation is a likely consequence, isn’t it?

And whatever “insurance” they have on the car would not be valid for an unlicensed driver, correct?

I used to have a lot of compassion for them since they are new here but that is quickly evaporating because I have tried so many times to tell them this is a big deal and why and also given her PAID TIME OFF to try and get this sorted and they just kinda don’t care.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this at all. It became your business when she asked you for $$$.

+1. You said exactly the right thing, and I would back away from helping at this point.

[Anonymous]

How do you know they dont have a license?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know they dont have a license?

She has told me. She asked for time off to take them and asked for help understanding the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She paid for the loan you gave her with having to listen to your speech. Only she can decide if it was worth it.

Op here. Do you think I’m really overreacting? We are probably overly involved with the nanny’s family because they live very close to us and her kids often pop by when she’s working to say hi to our kid. I certainly don’t ask her about these things but in the past she has asked us for help with various life issues (a problem at her kids school, an issue with her cell phone, etc.). They are recent, fully legal immigrants but do not speak any English so we try to help them when we can.

You said it yourself. You are overly involved with the nanny and her family.

[Anonymous]

I am guessing you have reached your threshold when it comes to trying help get her family on the right path.

It’s very discouraging trying to help others who do not want to help themselves.

Do not feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing you have reached your threshold when it comes to trying help get her family on the right path.

It’s very discouraging trying to help others who do not want to help themselves.

Do not feel bad.

Op here. Yes! Thank you. It is very discouraging and frustrating. I hope she just doesn’t share anything else about this with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She paid for the loan you gave her with having to listen to your speech. Only she can decide if it was worth it.

Op here. Do you think I’m really overreacting? We are probably overly involved with the nanny’s family because they live very close to us and her kids often pop by when she’s working to say hi to our kid. I certainly don’t ask her about these things but in the past she has asked us for help with various life issues (a problem at her kids school, an issue with her cell phone, etc.). They are recent, fully legal immigrants but do not speak any English so we try to help them when we can.

You said it yourself. You are overly involved with the nanny and her family.

Op here. I know. I’m trying to scale it back and keep it purely professional. It’s the nanny who engaged me on this personal level and needing help with various things. I need to get better with boundaries.

[Anonymous]

If these kids keep failing their drivers license test, they are NOT safe to be on the road.
How will you feel if one of them gets into an accident and KILLS someone?
Would you really be able to look their victim's family member in the eye and justify your choice to enable this criminal behavior?

[Anonymous]

Just one more reason not to hire a foreign/ illegal nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just one more reason not to hire a foreign/ illegal nanny

She is not illegal and has a green card.