Nanny with possible crohns

[Anonymous]

Our nanny got really sick in October. We were worried as we felt she had caught a nasty bug. Had nearly a month off work with stomach cramps, diorrohea which turned bloody for a few days and lost a ton of weight.
She was okay for a month now the symptoms are back. She is now being told she most likely has crohns. How do we deal with this and support her if this turns out to be the case? I am imagining she will be away a lot for appointments and have to take a lot more time off work...

[Anonymous]

If you can, you line up a replacement and let your nanny know she can have as much time off as needed.

If you can't, you give her a very generous severance and put her in touch with someone who needs part-time care.

[Anonymous]

Wonder if my last nanny is the one you're using now. So my last nanny had crohns disease and she would call out all the time. The days she could work, she couldn't leave the house so my kids were at home all day doing nothing because the nanny was so sick. In the 3 months we used her, she called out about 30 days (twice a week). I tried to be understanding and at first even paid her for the days she was out, but it was getting to be too much.

I own my own business, there's no way I could take that much time off and expect my clients to still pay me. I think the best thing to do is give her two weeks severance and find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can, you line up a replacement and let your nanny know she can have as much time off as needed.

If you can't, you give her a very generous severance and put her in touch with someone who needs part-time care.

+1. There are some conditions that are not compatible with some jobs. I might ask if she thought she could be more consistent with a part time schedule if you're up to managing two part time nannies.

Our last nanny ultimately ended up needing her gall bladder removed, but after several months of gall bladder attacks, we had to do this. It wasn't just the missed time; it was the frequent emergencies that sent her home in the middle of the day. I know none of it was her fault, but it was just impossible for us to manage long term.

[Anonymous]

Crohns is manageable. I would see how she does before I tried to replace her!!

[Anonymous]

Can't believe some of these answers. The poor woman is probably trying to come to terms with this illness and now has to worry about her job too? Give her a chance. She may well be back at work and healthy very soon on good medication. Sure she might have to miss the odd day but it's not going to be the disaster you are imagining. Support her rather then fire her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe some of these answers. The poor woman is probably trying to come to terms with this illness and now has to worry about her job too? Give her a chance. She may well be back at work and healthy very soon on good medication. Sure she might have to miss the odd day but it's not going to be the disaster you are imagining. Support her rather then fire her.

People hire nannies because they need childcare. For some people almost their entire salary is going to the nanny. People need reliable childcare. They may not have extra money to pay the nanny full time AND pay a last minute replacement twice a week.

[Anonymous]

Mixed feelings about this because I have a family member with this condition who has managed a physically demanding career. However, it does require some accommodations in terms of being near a restroom, especially after meals. It might be difficult, for example, for this person to take your kids to the park or for a long outing. Driving might be okay, depending on when and how far. You have to consider what your expectations are and whether she can continue to hold up her end of the contract. And you can't put your own career at risk if you have unreliable child care. Best solution might be to replace her temporarily while she tries to deal with her illness and revisit in a couple of months depending on how she does and how well the replacement seems.

[Anonymous]

I would guess that it would depend on the number and age of your children, as well as the schedule you need. If the children are all at least preschool age, it's much easier to work around bathroom issues, but having a mobile 1-2 year old with someone who needs to spend 10+ minutes at least every 2 hours in the bathroom could easily become an issue.

With that said, I have IBS-D and I've dealt with similar issues to those you described. I had twin toddlers who went into the bathroom with me, and they drew on the tile floor with bath crayons while I was occupied. It allowed me the opportunity to take care of myself while they were occupied in something fun and age-appropriate, and (most important to the parents) something safe yet easily cleaned. At other times, they played with stuffed animals, dolls, leaned over the bathtub and played with boats. If your nanny is creative, she will find ways to work around her issues while she's at work, without creating issues for your children.

With older children who are being shuttled around, as long as there is a bathroom at their activities, she'll make it work.

Appointments are a different story. I tried to schedule mine for when I was off, and I specifically requested to not have dedicated vacation time. I had PTO that I negotiated with the stipulation that I would use it in half day increments, scheduled at least two weeks ahead. I actually was able to schedule most of my appointments 3 months at a time, so it worked for us.

I would suggest a discussion with your nanny. Let her know that you want to keep her, but you're worried about the possibility of a lot of missed days and of what the impact of her illness will be on your children. If she's prepared, she'll have answers for you. If she's not, give her a time frame to get a plan together, and if she doesn't, you have your answer.

Good luck OP. Thank you for thinking this through rather than just firing her.

[Anonymous]

Why does everyone assume she will need to be near a restroom? If she is on meds the tablets will take care of that. Not everyone is in a constant urgent flare all the time.
How sad to consider firing a nanny who you probably loved before and who did a great job. Sure she has enough worries on her mind right now and says a lot about you that you would fire her as he dared to get Crohn's disease. At least see how she gets on first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone assume she will need to be near a restroom? If she is on meds the tablets will take care of that. Not everyone is in a constant urgent flare all the time.
How sad to consider firing a nanny who you probably loved before and who did a great job. Sure she has enough worries on her mind right now and says a lot about you that you would fire her as he dared to get Crohn's disease. At least see how she gets on first.

Parents hire a nanny to have consistent care for their kids. I have a nanny and if she came down with crohns AND called out constantly, I would let her go. What am I supposed to do? Pay her salary while she's out plus pay for a backup nanny? Nannies aren't cheap. This is why there are disability plans that can be purchased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone assume she will need to be near a restroom? If she is on meds the tablets will take care of that. Not everyone is in a constant urgent flare all the time.
How sad to consider firing a nanny who you probably loved before and who did a great job. Sure she has enough worries on her mind right now and says a lot about you that you would fire her as he dared to get Crohn's disease. At least see how she gets on first.

She might not need to be near a bathroom constantly. I'm 16.45, and my point was that it won't matter if she does need to near a bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would guess that it would depend on the number and age of your children, as well as the schedule you need. If the children are all at least preschool age, it's much easier to work around bathroom issues, but having a mobile 1-2 year old with someone who needs to spend 10+ minutes at least every 2 hours in the bathroom could easily become an issue.

With that said, I have IBS-D and I've dealt with similar issues to those you described. I had twin toddlers who went into the bathroom with me, and they drew on the tile floor with bath crayons while I was occupied. It allowed me the opportunity to take care of myself while they were occupied in something fun and age-appropriate, and (most important to the parents) something safe yet easily cleaned. At other times, they played with stuffed animals, dolls, leaned over the bathtub and played with boats. If your nanny is creative, she will find ways to work around her issues while she's at work, without creating issues for your children.

With older children who are being shuttled around, as long as there is a bathroom at their activities, she'll make it work.

Appointments are a different story. I tried to schedule mine for when I was off, and I specifically requested to not have dedicated vacation time. I had PTO that I negotiated with the stipulation that I would use it in half day increments, scheduled at least two weeks ahead. I actually was able to schedule most of my appointments 3 months at a time, so it worked for us.

I would suggest a discussion with your nanny. Let her know that you want to keep her, but you're worried about the possibility of a lot of missed days and of what the impact of her illness will be on your children. If she's prepared, she'll have answers for you. If she's not, give her a time frame to get a plan together, and if she doesn't, you have your answer.

Good luck OP. Thank you for thinking this through rather than just firing her.

You were taking twin toddlers in the bathroom with you frequently throughout the day during your bowel movements? Lord bless your soul. Glad your NF was understanding. That would’ve made me a nervous wreck. I have to take my toddler in the large stall with me when I absolutely can’t wait but at home I just stick him in the pack n play or crib with books and toys until I come out.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Should say absolutely can’t wait when out & about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would guess that it would depend on the number and age of your children, as well as the schedule you need. If the children are all at least preschool age, it's much easier to work around bathroom issues, but having a mobile 1-2 year old with someone who needs to spend 10+ minutes at least every 2 hours in the bathroom could easily become an issue.

With that said, I have IBS-D and I've dealt with similar issues to those you described. I had twin toddlers who went into the bathroom with me, and they drew on the tile floor with bath crayons while I was occupied. It allowed me the opportunity to take care of myself while they were occupied in something fun and age-appropriate, and (most important to the parents) something safe yet easily cleaned. At other times, they played with stuffed animals, dolls, leaned over the bathtub and played with boats. If your nanny is creative, she will find ways to work around her issues while she's at work, without creating issues for your children.

With older children who are being shuttled around, as long as there is a bathroom at their activities, she'll make it work.

Appointments are a different story. I tried to schedule mine for when I was off, and I specifically requested to not have dedicated vacation time. I had PTO that I negotiated with the stipulation that I would use it in half day increments, scheduled at least two weeks ahead. I actually was able to schedule most of my appointments 3 months at a time, so it worked for us.

I would suggest a discussion with your nanny. Let her know that you want to keep her, but you're worried about the possibility of a lot of missed days and of what the impact of her illness will be on your children. If she's prepared, she'll have answers for you. If she's not, give her a time frame to get a plan together, and if she doesn't, you have your answer.

Good luck OP. Thank you for thinking this through rather than just firing her.

You were taking twin toddlers in the bathroom with you frequently throughout the day during your bowel movements? Lord bless your soul. Glad your NF was understanding. That would’ve made me a nervous wreck. I have to take my toddler in the large stall with me when I absolutely can’t wait but at home I just stick him in the pack n play or crib with books and toys until I come out.

It's a fact of life for me. I look for families who are open to talking through possibilities, and open to creativity.