Seems like nanny doesn't love my baby, what to do?

[Anonymous]

First time MB with a 10 month old girl. Our nanny has been with us for a few months now, and I think she may not love our daughter or babies in general. We have a nanny cam, which she knows about. When I see her read to our daughter or speak to her, it's in a flat tone, like what you'd use for adults or older children. Kind of matter of fact and bored. We have a babysitter who uses the more loving tone, higher pitched and saying stuff like "Ohhhhh, can you find the monkey in the book? Wow, you found him! You are such a good girl!" Kind of hard to describe here but hopefully folks get what I'm saying.

Is this something that is worth addressing with our nanny, or if we feel like she doesn't love babies, should we just let her go with some severance? I don't know if it's worth talking to her about it, because it's just a personality issue that would be tough to change. I think she could fake a loving tone, but it's unfair to ask her to do that. I don't love other people's babies either and I'm kind of reserved, so I get where she's coming from. But I want my baby to feel warmth from her care giver, and this lady is not very warm with her. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

MB here. I'm pretty non-reactive, flexible, laid-back, etc... But a non-negotiable for me in hiring nannies - regardless of the age my kids have been - was that they love kids. When mine were infants I needed someone who REALLY loved babies because I had twins. But generally loving kids and enjoying them is a prerequisite for me.

Trust and safety are my top two, but enjoying my kids and ensuring they feel loved and secure are as critical.

I would hope not to have hired anyone like this in the first place and I think, in your shoes, I would hire someone else. It doesn't sound like an emergency - in that your baby is safe. But I'd be interviewing, doing trial runs on the weekends (or whenever your nanny doesn't work) and planning to replace her as soon as possible.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Good god! Stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I'm pretty non-reactive, flexible, laid-back, etc... But a non-negotiable for me in hiring nannies - regardless of the age my kids have been - was that they love kids. When mine were infants I needed someone who REALLY loved babies because I had twins. But generally loving kids and enjoying them is a prerequisite for me.

Trust and safety are my top two, but enjoying my kids and ensuring they feel loved and secure are as critical.

I would hope not to have hired anyone like this in the first place and I think, in your shoes, I would hire someone else. It doesn't sound like an emergency - in that your baby is safe. But I'd be interviewing, doing trial runs on the weekends (or whenever your nanny doesn't work) and planning to replace her as soon as possible.

Good luck OP.

+1. High pitched tone is maybe a little specific... but engaging and making reading interactive is an absolute must for me. (Also MB with 10 mo girl here.)

[Anonymous]

There is no need to talk in a stupid baby voice to infants.

A high pitched sing-song voice does not mean yo love infants.

Be honest Op, your other babysitter is cheaper. It's fine to want to pay less for a nanny, but don't make up stupid reasons to justify it.

[Anonymous]

This is her job. She isn't supposed to love your child. As a parent that is your job.

[Anonymous]

I try to not change my tone in voice as it can come across as demeaning and most people don't want their child talked down to.

[Anonymous]

To PPs, research indicates that talking "baby talk" (higher pitch, cooing) helps babies acquire language: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/why-baby-talk-is-good-for-your-baby/2014/01/13/60d8bf8e-7889-11e3-b1c5-739e63e9c9a7_story.html?utm_term=.19cb67f4c23d

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First time MB with a 10 month old girl. Our nanny has been with us for a few months now, and I think she may not love our daughter or babies in general. We have a nanny cam, which she knows about. When I see her read to our daughter or speak to her, it's in a flat tone, like what you'd use for adults or older children. Kind of matter of fact and bored. We have a babysitter who uses the more loving tone, higher pitched and saying stuff like "Ohhhhh, can you find the monkey in the book? Wow, you found him! You are such a good girl!" Kind of hard to describe here but hopefully folks get what I'm saying.

Is this something that is worth addressing with our nanny, or if we feel like she doesn't love babies, should we just let her go with some severance? I don't know if it's worth talking to her about it, because it's just a personality issue that would be tough to change. I think she could fake a loving tone, but it's unfair to ask her to do that. I don't love other people's babies either and I'm kind of reserved, so I get where she's coming from. But I want my baby to feel warmth from her care giver, and this lady is not very warm with her. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Totally off topic and I apologize for that but I strongly recommend that you and any babysitter stop the "good girl" talk. Would she be a bad girl if she couldn't find the monkey? Please never use "good girl" for anything but in general perhaps you and her caregivers could stop commenting on her achievements at all.

Sorry but I was so irked by your example I had to point it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First time MB with a 10 month old girl. Our nanny has been with us for a few months now, and I think she may not love our daughter or babies in general. We have a nanny cam, which she knows about. When I see her read to our daughter or speak to her, it's in a flat tone, like what you'd use for adults or older children. Kind of matter of fact and bored. We have a babysitter who uses the more loving tone, higher pitched and saying stuff like "Ohhhhh, can you find the monkey in the book? Wow, you found him! You are such a good girl!" Kind of hard to describe here but hopefully folks get what I'm saying.

Is this something that is worth addressing with our nanny, or if we feel like she doesn't love babies, should we just let her go with some severance? I don't know if it's worth talking to her about it, because it's just a personality issue that would be tough to change. I think she could fake a loving tone, but it's unfair to ask her to do that. I don't love other people's babies either and I'm kind of reserved, so I get where she's coming from. But I want my baby to feel warmth from her care giver, and this lady is not very warm with her. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Totally off topic and I apologize for that but I strongly recommend that you and any babysitter stop the "good girl" talk. Would she be a bad girl if she couldn't find the monkey? Please never use "good girl" for anything but in general perhaps you and her caregivers could stop commenting on her achievements at all.

Sorry but I was so irked by your example I had to point it out.

What do you mean stop commenting on her achievements? Should they focus on her good looks instead? Absolutely do comment on children's achievements, praise them for their hard work, kindness and perseverance.

OP, I've been a nanny for ten years and I have seen the type of nanny you appear to have. I think this nanny would be perfectly fine for a preschooler and older, someone who doesn't fuss, isn't bothered, is calm and cool and somewhat detached at all times. But you have a baby, babies should be cuddled and loved - and it's really quite easy to find someone who will love your baby, because babies are so easy to love. In your shoes I would slowly start looking for someone else.

[Anonymous]

You complain if the kid loves the nanny or if it cries for the nanny. You complain if you think the nanny doesn't love the kid as much as you do. Stop crying complaining and stay home and take care of your own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First time MB with a 10 month old girl. Our nanny has been with us for a few months now, and I think she may not love our daughter or babies in general. We have a nanny cam, which she knows about. When I see her read to our daughter or speak to her, it's in a flat tone, like what you'd use for adults or older children. Kind of matter of fact and bored. We have a babysitter who uses the more loving tone, higher pitched and saying stuff like "Ohhhhh, can you find the monkey in the book? Wow, you found him! You are such a good girl!" Kind of hard to describe here but hopefully folks get what I'm saying.

Is this something that is worth addressing with our nanny, or if we feel like she doesn't love babies, should we just let her go with some severance? I don't know if it's worth talking to her about it, because it's just a personality issue that would be tough to change. I think she could fake a loving tone, but it's unfair to ask her to do that. I don't love other people's babies either and I'm kind of reserved, so I get where she's coming from. But I want my baby to feel warmth from her care giver, and this lady is not very warm with her. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Totally off topic and I apologize for that but I strongly recommend that you and any babysitter stop the "good girl" talk. Would she be a bad girl if she couldn't find the monkey? Please never use "good girl" for anything but in general perhaps you and her caregivers could stop commenting on her achievements at all.

Sorry but I was so irked by your example I had to point it out.

What do you mean stop commenting on her achievements? Should they focus on her good looks instead? Absolutely do comment on children's achievements, praise them for their hard work, kindness and perseverance.

OP, I've been a nanny for ten years and I have seen the type of nanny you appear to have. I think this nanny would be perfectly fine for a preschooler and older, someone who doesn't fuss, isn't bothered, is calm and cool and somewhat detached at all times. But you have a baby, babies should be cuddled and loved - and it's really quite easy to find someone who will love your baby, because babies are so easy to love. In your shoes I would slowly start looking for someone else.

Yes, praise them for their hard work, kindness and perseverance - not on the "achievement" of finding the monkey and never with terms like "good girl". Read "Nurture Shock".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To PPs, research indicates that talking "baby talk" (higher pitch, cooing) helps babies acquire language: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/why-baby-talk-is-good-for-your-baby/2014/01/13/60d8bf8e-7889-11e3-b1c5-739e63e9c9a7_story.html?utm_term=.19cb67f4c23d

That research is dated. More recent research shows the opposite. It really isn't needed,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First time MB with a 10 month old girl. Our nanny has been with us for a few months now, and I think she may not love our daughter or babies in general. We have a nanny cam, which she knows about. When I see her read to our daughter or speak to her, it's in a flat tone, like what you'd use for adults or older children. Kind of matter of fact and bored. We have a babysitter who uses the more loving tone, higher pitched and saying stuff like "Ohhhhh, can you find the monkey in the book? Wow, you found him! You are such a good girl!" Kind of hard to describe here but hopefully folks get what I'm saying.

Is this something that is worth addressing with our nanny, or if we feel like she doesn't love babies, should we just let her go with some severance? I don't know if it's worth talking to her about it, because it's just a personality issue that would be tough to change. I think she could fake a loving tone, but it's unfair to ask her to do that. I don't love other people's babies either and I'm kind of reserved, so I get where she's coming from. But I want my baby to feel warmth from her care giver, and this lady is not very warm with her. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Totally off topic and I apologize for that but I strongly recommend that you and any babysitter stop the "good girl" talk. Would she be a bad girl if she couldn't find the monkey? Please never use "good girl" for anything but in general perhaps you and her caregivers could stop commenting on her achievements at all.

Sorry but I was so irked by your example I had to point it out.

What do you mean stop commenting on her achievements? Should they focus on her good looks instead? Absolutely do comment on children's achievements, praise them for their hard work, kindness and perseverance.

OP, I've been a nanny for ten years and I have seen the type of nanny you appear to have. I think this nanny would be perfectly fine for a preschooler and older, someone who doesn't fuss, isn't bothered, is calm and cool and somewhat detached at all times. But you have a baby, babies should be cuddled and loved - and it's really quite easy to find someone who will love your baby, because babies are so easy to love. In your shoes I would slowly start looking for someone else.

I must have missed the part where
OP said the nanny doesn't cuddle her daughter. She's complaining about baby talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good god! Stay home.

This. If this is the crap you have time to focus on while you are "working" clearly you are not engaged with your job and/or your job is meaningless.