NF Bad Manners

[Anonymous]

For the last 5 years I have been giving my nanny family and their extended family photo books as a holiday gift. It takes at least 20hrs to create, and at least $200 per a book. I give one to my MB & DB, one to MB’s Parents, one to MB’s Grandarents, and DB’s Parents. Usually they are well recieved. But two years ago, MB’s parents didn’t thank me and last years her mom was rumored to be upset that enough pictures of her in the book.

Well, this year I delivered all the books on Sunday afternoon. The family is Jewish, so I wanted to give it to them by Hanukkah. I know everyone received it. But no one yet has thanked me for the gift.

I am feeling really hurt that no one seems to appreciate the gift. It’s been 3 days. What is the grace period for being well mannered? I usually thank them right away verbally, and send a thank you note when I receive gifts.

[Anonymous]

I’d stop giving it as a gift if they aren’t thankful.

Also I’d never spend that much on gifts for my employers.

[Anonymous]

I don't know where you are getting the books printed, but $200 per book is outrageous.

[Anonymous]

Where on earth are you getting $200 photo books? you're overpaying by at least $160. Go to shutterfly or someplace cheap, do ONE for the parents and call it a day. If the grandparents want one, send them the link to order it themselves. Do the grandparents realize it's from you and not your employers? I'm 100% they have no idea you're spending an absurd amount of money on them and would probably be horrified if they knew.

[Anonymous]

OP here:

I do the large 11x19 Hard Cover (Lay Flat) Books from Picaboo. They usually have around 40 pages to fit all photos of their gorgeous children. I feel I need to be consistent with the high quality of the books because my employers family are very wealthy. I’m sure they would just discard a small photo album. Also they have no idea what things cost or how normal people live. Snapfish and Shutterfly’s rates are very comparable to picaboo.

I think MB’s mom threw out last years book because it didn’t have enough photos of her. This year I put many photos of her, maybe that pissed her off too.

[Anonymous]

Stop wasting the time and money. You are being told that your gifts are not valued.

[Anonymous]

As a MB, I think the photo books are gorgeous. Great gift for grandparents too!

[Anonymous]

You don't exchange gifts for Hanukkah. They may be uncomfortable with it.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny who likes to make these kind of books but I give them at the end of my time with the families, and only to the parents.

Honestly, as a parent I'd appreciate the gift once but getting it every year ... there wouldn't be any surprise and at some point you get so many pictures, the gesture is not the same.

Don't be offended, you have a big heart, but sometimes too much is too much. As you can see, it's not appreciated.

You don't need to give gifts to the extended family either.

[Anonymous]

I think one thing to keep in mind is receiving a book of pictures you didn’t take isn’t the same as having a book of pictures you did take. When you take the pictures yourself they’re more special because you were there and have the memories to go with them.

[Anonymous]

It's a lovely gesture, OP, and I would love to receive a gift like that - which is why I make photo books at the end of my stay with a nanny family. But your family clearly doesn't appreciate the effort, so stop giving it to the extended family and make one just for the parents.

[Anonymous]

If you're still here next year, I would give it to the parents only, and say that if the grandparents want one, you can have it made. That's your opportunity to say that you've never heard from them and weren't sure if they wanted it, and that Grandma #2 was upset with her pictures, and you wanted it to bring joy, not upset people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't exchange gifts for Hanukkah. They may be uncomfortable with it.

I do, and I know several other Jewish families that do.

Are they Orthodox, OP?

[Anonymous]

I get giving books to the parents (your bosses), but you’re going overboard (in both price and quantity) by providing books for the extended family. Gifts flow downward, not upward.

On top of your excessive spending, your gifts are not appreciated, and you know that. Yet you, once again, spent enormous quantities of time and money on a gift that wasn’t well-received last year.

Stop being a martyr!

[Anonymous]

Your spending 200 on each book? 4 books each year , so $800 every year on these books ? Or 200 total for the 4 books ?