Need more than 45 hrs/week help

[Anonymous]

Au Pair novice here... browsing through the archives tells me that the 45 hour weekly limit is a hot topic...

I'm just trying to figure out if this might be a good solution for our family next year. we will have one kid in PK3 and an infant. I anticipate needing care for the infant from 8am to 6pm, plus some school pickups for DC1 in that time frame. But then i would also appreciate help around dinner and bedtime. so realistically, our needs are more like 8am-7pm or more daily. I think the evening help would be more flexible and informal, the AP would be invited to have dinner with us anyway, etc.

Is this untenable in an au pair set up to seek evening help if it is over the 45 hrs? or is it feasible to expect more than 45 hrs if i'm willing to pay OT? Can i be upfront about my real anticipated needs per week and iron that out above board in my AP search? or will i be shut down immediately by the agency if i suggest i would like more than 45 hrs?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

You need a nanny, not an AuPair.

[Anonymous]

APs only work 45 hours per week. Most APs don't even work that long. Those that do work 45 hours usually run out the door after their shift is over- they don't hang around to have dinner with the family- they want their own personal time so they don't burn out.

No, you cannot have them work more by paying OT.

If you have had a professional nanny in the past, I think you will be sorely disappointed/underwhelmed with the AP program.

If you do get an AP, her hours will be something like 8-5 M-Fri. You will need to get a separate evening nanny if you want help then.

[Anonymous]

This is definitely not workable. Some APs might be willing to do extra for more pay but the agency would not allow it (so you can't really advertise for it in matching). And the second things start to go poorly with your AP, there is a chance they throw you under the bus on the 45 hours. I love the AP program but I would 100 percent not recommend it for your current situation.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, this is helpful.

What if i did some part time daycare for the infant, in order to free up some of the AP hours. Then we could use her more in the evenings or mornings?

Or am i still overestimating the AP program?

[Anonymous]

AP program doesn't sound like it would fit the hours/needs for your family. As you've seen on the board, the 45 hours rule is a program limit. Families that go beyond this are breaking the rules of the program and inevitably run into challenges as you're pushing the boundaries of what's allowed. I can't think of an agency that would allow this. Our current AP told us that she was asked about how to handle being asked to work extra hours on weekends at her visa interview. I don't know of any agencies that would turn a blind eye to a family that's looking for care that is 45+ hours.

Also, its naive to think the AP is just going to hang around in the evenings after dinner and be around to "help" after a long day. When our AP is off-duty after a long day with toddler and preschooler, she's in her room or off doing her own thing. She's not around after dinner chatting or helping out more in her off time. I can see APs with older kids hanging out more, but caretaking for young kids is exhausting and most need time to rest and recharge at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

You can't even do the 8 to 6 shift every day. That would be 50 hours.

Welcome to the AP world. That is why many of us had nannies until the kids went to school. We needed too many hours.

Don't under estimate the comment that if you go ahead and do it and hope she will work the extra hours, you have a very high chance the AP will ask for a rematch.

And assume you know that with an infant, you need an infant qualified AP. There is no flexibility with most agencies. And the supply is low.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Trying to get an infant into a PT program so I could stay under 45 hours would not be worth it to me. One of the reasons to have a nanny or AP is to keep infant out of shared care setting until they are older.

[Anonymous]

100% do not waste another thought on the AP program for your described needs. These girls just don't have the endurance for what you describe even if they appear willing and able. You are talking about a young woman child who really came to the USA for an "adventure", not to work 50+ hours per week and then willingly want to "hang out" and help with infant/preschooler dinner, bath, and bedtime...which in all honesty is never a lot of fun which is why you (and we!) all want help with it.

If you have the money to throw at it, I have seen people who have a nanny during the day and use AP for early morning, evening, and weekend help, but this isn't going to be an appealing schedule to most APs either.

And I have seen some families who get 2 APs to cover the hours that you are describing.

Bottom line, one AP is never going to cut it for you. I don't say that in a mean way, just reality.

The AP program is best suited for families with school age children and/or who don't need over 40 hours for infants/toddlers (flex schedule between HD and HM).

[Anonymous]

I imagine you have already thought of this, but is there a way for you and your husband to create a schedule where one of you "works" from home one day/half day per week? That way your AP could have one day/half day off per week? Or flex your hours...you leave early and come home early while DH leaves late and comes home late.

[Anonymous]

I think the evening help would be more flexible and informal, the AP would be invited to have dinner with us anyway, etc.

Sorry OP, but it is this type of thinking that makes a resentful AP who ends up in rematch. After being with an infant and preschooler 8-6, she is going to want to run for the hills, not hang out and help give baths.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids - 3, 5 and 8 - and an au pair and 2 additional part time babysitters I call on once or twice a week to help out. I have one usually cover one day/week and between that and my youngest in preschool in the mornings I can give my au pair a midweek day and a half off if I need her to work on the weekends.

My schedule changes weekly so I am very upfront before matching that I need my au pair to be super flexible. Typically she picks up 3yo at noon and does a 12-7/8 shift every day, although if I need help on Saturday night I have a different sitter do one day and then the following day she does a shorter shift. I have a flexible job so it works for me and she and I can split the afternoon school pickup and class shuffle, but on days where I need to be somewhere and the kids have multiple activities I need another sitter to help cover them too.

Thursdays, for example, I have my au pair take 3yo to a class at 3, a sitter picks up 5yo and drops her with a friends (and another sitter) for gymnastics class that starts an hour an a half after school ends, and I have to be available to pick up 8yo and take her to a class 40 mins away. It's not ideal and tricky if any of those moving parts are unavailable but I make it work, and have other people to call on in a pinch.

Organzing our schedule takes a lot of time and effort but this way having an AP does work for us.

[Anonymous]

To be clear, APs generally do not work well when expected to "help out." They will feel like they don't have authority over the kids (which they won't because you're there), feel watched and micromanaged, and resent having the evening hours scheduled.

This is best suited for a "mother's helper" position if you can find one but can be difficult if you don't want a middle school aged kid using it to train as a real babysitter.

[Anonymous]

OP here. THis is all super helpful. thank you so much.

[Anonymous]

45hrs can be tough to stay within, but it is essential that you stay within the rules. You may very well find someone willing to work extra, but these people inevitably because disgruntled after they get to compare they gig to their friends'.

Our first two years in the AP program (with kids ALL in school), I had a nanny one day per week so I could free up enough hours to have AP work until 8:30PM on weeknights (split shift), and Saturday mornings, and stay within 41-42 hours. So maybe all you need is a part-time nanny to cover some of your hours.