Do you think I'm rude?

[Anonymous]

Been working for her for 10 months. She is a single mom and have (a jerk) ex-husband. Every once awhile she will tell me about her prob with his ex-husband i.e - child custody, child support, fights etc. She thought I am her nanny/shoulder to cry (but I am not). Yesterday she was crying and told me another bad news. This morning I told her can she and her ex husband settled their prob for the sake of their child? I said I just want to work as a nanny watching her child and not stucked in their dramas. She was shocked and said "i thought you are my friend? .. dont worry I wont bother you anymore". For me the more she talked abt their prob the more I hate her ex-husband. When I hate that person its very uncomfortable for me to see eye to eye with that person. Her ex will pick up their child on certain days so I try not to be there when he come.

Am I rude? Should I apologize?


Thank you

[Anonymous]

Its rude for you to tell her how to settle her disputes with her ex but it's also not fair for her to put that pressure on you.

I would apologize for the way you spoke to her and possibly end the conversation saying "I just want to keep things professional between myself, [ex hushand], and you".

[Anonymous]

rude based on how the message was conveyed, not the message itself.
yes apologize and state that it would work best for all in the long term if you kept the relationship professional
good luck

[Anonymous]

It was extremely selfish and unprofessional for the mother to bad-mouth her ex to the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was extremely selfish and unprofessional for the mother to bad-mouth her ex to the nanny.

It puts the nanny is a weird spot as well. It would make me feel uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

You were rude in how you said it (especially if it was by text and not in person). My guess is you should start looking for another job because she needs a nanny who’s warm and fuzzy. That’s not you.

[Anonymous]

It was rude of her to entangle you in the mess that is her life.

She should have really confided in either a friend or her shrink on this matter actually.

[Anonymous]

Obviously if she could settle the issues with her ex husband she would. She is using you as a sounding board and that was her mistake - she somehow forgot you are her employee and not her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously if she could settle the issues with her ex husband she would. She is using you as a sounding board and that was her mistake - she somehow forgot you are her employee and not her friend.

Even some friends don't want to hear that kind of stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously if she could settle the issues with her ex husband she would. She is using you as a sounding board and that was her mistake - she somehow forgot you are her employee and not her friend.

Even some friends don't want to hear that kind of stuff.

Then they're not friends. Friends help each other through difficult times. OP doesn't want to help this woman through a difficult time, which is OK, but that doesn't mean what she said wasn't considered rude. I think OP needs to find a different job where her work separation style matches the family's work separation style. This mom needs someone more nurturing and there's someone out there willing to fill that role.

[Anonymous]

Yes you were rude but your boss was even more rude by thinking it's ok to confide in you about her marital issues.
You should have stopped her poltely the first time she did it.

I would apologize if I were you.

Nanny.

[Anonymous]

OP here,

The ex wants his new girlfriend to taking care of the child. The new girlfriend is due end of this month. MB not happy with this and this is the reason they been fighting lately.

MB and me back to good term. I apologize and she did too but I think she still angry at me. I offered my help to watch the child so she can visit her mom in the hospital (ICU) she refused.

[Anonymous]

She refused to let you, the nanny, watch her kid when she went to the hospital?

Yeah... I'd start looking for a new job. My guess is she's not gonna keep you much longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She refused to let you, the nanny, watch her kid when she went to the hospital?

Yeah... I'd start looking for a new job. My guess is she's not gonna keep you much longer.

Yesterday when we had a talk, I told her I can stop working if I'm one of the reason her ex wants his new girlfriend to watch the child. Two months ago the ex husband told me that I'm expensive and only work 3 1/2 days a week.
The child stay with MB 4 days a week and 3 days with the dad. MB said she will never let her child spend 7 days a week with the new girlfriend. She will fight in the court and if she need to take loan to pay me she will do that.

[Anonymous]

Ex is within his right to have whom ever he chooses to watch his child on his time. Mom can continue to use you on your day. She isn't going to win a court battle forcing him to use her preferred child care on his time.