Child Won't Listen

[Anonymous]

Hi there,

New nanny here. I recently started working for an awesome family, and I only watch one little girl who is four years old. They pretty much give me free reign, let me do whatever I need to do with my normal day (with her in tow obviously) and really don't ask for much from me. Obviously I have few complaints.

There is one little problem; the little girl does not want to listen to me. I understand, she is only four and I am the new nanny in the house. I know for awhile she is going to test me, just to see what she can get away with. I really like her, she is a sweet girl, and like I said I love the family. But she does have to listen to me when I tell her things. For instance, going to a public area with her; she's apt to wander off, and refuses to listen when I say she has to stay near me. Or when I tell her no to candy, chocolate, junk treats, etc. She sneaks behind my back and eats them, and then lies when I ask her if she has eaten them (actually a really funny story, but none the less she wasn't right for lying).

I do not want to yell at her, and have tried everything I can to be as calm and gentle as I can with her. I want her to enjoy spending time with me, and I do not want her to find me mean or not look forward to me coming over. While I am her nanny, I am not her parent and I do not want to overstep. But the lack of listening is really becoming a problem for the both of us, and I want to be able to set boundries and rules with minimal push back from her (I understand she's four, I get that she's learning, which is why I say "minimal;" I know there will always be some ).

Any advice on the best way to go about this? Any help will be appreciated!

[Anonymous]

If you are hired to nanny for the little girl, I would start by organizing the day around her needs It sounds like she is "in tow" while you go about your errands and such. I would think it would mostly be story time, playground trips, play dates, preschool, and craft projects at home. I wouldn't take her out in public unless you can keep her within arms reach if she is apt to wander away.

[Anonymous]

If she can't walk next to you when you are out in public she needs to hold your hand.

if you catch her in a definite lie then there needs to be a consequence for that, you don't have to yell but she needs to know its not ok.

[Anonymous]

Hold her hand, carry her, or put her in a stroller when you are out if you are worried about wandering off. But I agree with pp, and would mostly go places where that isn't a concern.
Put chocolate and junk food out of her sight and out of her reach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hold her hand, carry her, or put her in a stroller when you are out if you are worried about wandering off. But I agree with pp, and would mostly go places where that isn't a concern.
Put chocolate and junk food out of her sight and out of her reach.

This, or we don't go out. Simple.

No junk food within kids reach.

[Anonymous]

Don't ask if she did something naughty if you know she did. That's setting her up to lie. Involve her in discussions. "I saw you take that chocolate pumpkin and know you ate it. You were told not to take it because you'd already had chocolate today/that piece was for Dad/Brother/tomorrow. What can you do to make this right?"

That teaches her to think productively.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I should clarify when I say "in tow" I don't mean she just follows me around all day, it's just that the parents are really easy going allowing me to squeeze in a few errands in between (I'm a college student working two jobs so I have to fit it in where I can). We usually start our day with some kind of arts and crafts (i.e. fingerpainting, play doh, etc.), and on the days I am there she has a sport for one hour of the day I have to take her to. We will play a game, work on her preschool workbook, or go for a walk afterwards but by mid afternoon (because it is a long day for her) I can tell she's getting a little restless so we always go somewhere like the playground, the library, a farm etc. These are the places she has wandered away from me. She doesn't have any play dates for me to take her to, she's pretty quiet at school it seems, so I am her main source of entertainment. The preschool workbook has kind of become a problem for her because she doesn't like working on it, so I have tried turning craft time into learning time as well (or in place of the workbook). As soon as she sees numbers or letters though she shuts down and wants nothing to do with it. I understand, numbers aren't fun, but we have to work on it because she does need help in these areas. She just get's upset though whenever I say anything now from "it's time for lunch" to "we have to get ready for your sport." 9 times out of 10 it ends in tears or major whining. I know she would love nothing more than for me to play whatever game she thinks of the whole entire day, but there are things that need to be done. I have never raised my voice, and I do my hardest to try and encourage her with every little thing she does or has to do (you're doing an awesome job brushing your teeth! or Wow, look at how hard your working I am so impressed!), but it just seems like it's still not working. Like I said, she's an awesome kid, but I feel like I need to teach her that not everything can go her way all the time and I would like to do it in such a way that she understands and I don't come across as mean or bossy myself.

Also, I totally learned my lesson about the junk food. It's put far away from her, and I only allow her to have it as a treat every once and awhile now

[Anonymous]

That's all pretty normal at that age. Set and keep strong limits.

[Anonymous]

Stop using the workbook. Teach her numbers and letters and stuff in other ways, not with a book. Children learn through playing.

[Anonymous]

Could be she just needs a quiet hour with books --you read or she looks at them and reads a little. A 4 year old doesn't need to have a full plate of activities every day. If she has a sport and school each day, some down time with you playing or reading quietly might be good. And if school means getting up early, she may even need a short nap.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the workbook! Point out numbers, count cereal as you give them to her, count when you push her on the swing, etc.

Children lie, it's a natural part of development which shouldn't be punished. Take previous person's advice and when a lie does happen tell her it's important to tell the truth, but don't make a battle out of it.

The next day when she wants a treat say, "yesterday you took an extra piece, so no candy today. Maybe tomorrow after lunch."

When she wanders off, make her hold her hand or sit in a stroller. Keep a pleasant voice. If she fights with you about it say, "oh, I guess we need to go home now." Then follow through.

Find a natural or logical consequence to whatever action is being done and do so in a friendly tone and demeanor.

[Anonymous]

First + foremost, let the parents know what is going on and possibly ask for suggestions from them.
How do they handle her in similar situations?

I would give her one warning, then she will be disciplined if she does not obey you.

If she wanders off, I would take her back home.

If she disobeys while already at home, then definitely give her a time-out.

She will eventually respect you for establishing boundaries as she gets older.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OMG there is so much wrong with this post!!

—preschool workbook? Does “play based learning” mean nothing to you? Aren’t you nannies supposed to be experts in this stuff?

—starting the day with crafts. Zzzzz. Take the kid outside to a playground, a bike ride, a walk, to an indoor pool, to a museum...something to let her get out and about! Like the other poster said, structure the day around her needs, not yours. In the afternoon, a few days a week take her on errands, but engage her. Let her pay the money, or put the groceries on the belt etc. She shouldn’t just be in tow.

—You are not the parent, you are the nanny and should be even more consistent when it comes to getting a child to listen to you.

You don’t seem to know the basics. This kid would be better off in a preschool at her age anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG there is so much wrong with this post!!

—preschool workbook? Does “play based learning” mean nothing to you? Aren’t you nannies supposed to be experts in this stuff?

—starting the day with crafts. Zzzzz. Take the kid outside to a playground, a bike ride, a walk, to an indoor pool, to a museum...something to let her get out and about! Like the other poster said, structure the day around her needs, not yours. In the afternoon, a few days a week take her on errands, but engage her. Let her pay the money, or put the groceries on the belt etc. She shouldn’t just be in tow.

—You are not the parent, you are the nanny and should be even more consistent when it comes to getting a child to listen to you.

You don’t seem to know the basics. This kid would be better off in a preschool at her age anyway.

Nothing wrong with workbooks and getting kids prepared for K. Play based doesn't get them prepared for the real world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG there is so much wrong with this post!!

—preschool workbook? Does “play based learning” mean nothing to you? Aren’t you nannies supposed to be experts in this stuff?

—starting the day with crafts. Zzzzz. Take the kid outside to a playground, a bike ride, a walk, to an indoor pool, to a museum...something to let her get out and about! Like the other poster said, structure the day around her needs, not yours. In the afternoon, a few days a week take her on errands, but engage her. Let her pay the money, or put the groceries on the belt etc. She shouldn’t just be in tow.

—You are not the parent, you are the nanny and should be even more consistent when it comes to getting a child to listen to you.

You don’t seem to know the basics. This kid would be better off in a preschool at her age anyway.

Nothing wrong with workbooks and getting kids prepared for K. Play based doesn't get them prepared for the real world.

Actually, play-based learning had way more documented links to later academic success than desk work.