Advice: adding infant to two toddler nanny share

[Anonymous]

I'm looking for advice or feedback from anyone who has added an infant to a two toddler (2 year old) nanny share. We've been in a nanny share for almost 2 years and we just had our second child. I'll be going back to work in January - so we started discussions with the share family about what we would do. Our suggestion was to find a second nanny and each family separate. But the share family suggested adding our infant to the share with the two toddlers. My concern is that three kids at these ages won't work and the baby won't get the benefit of having a nanny because of how demanding the toddlers are - i.e. struggling to nap, interrupted schedules, lots of time spent in bouncy chair, etc.

We love our nanny - but have had some incidents with the share family/child (biting 4 times, late pickup, not coordinating schedules, etc.). Our child enjoys playing with the share child, but there are some clear benefits to having our own nanny, and we can always schedule playdates since we are in the same neighborhood.

I'm just not sure if I'm just being sensitive to the baby or these are real concerns so I'm looking for advice or experience from anyone who has it! Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I think your concerns are valid, and if you can swing it, I'd try to hire a nanny for your two children in their own home. The current share nanny might weigh in as well regarding whether she is interested in caring for three children. Too bad you can't keep her, but I suppose there is some sort of protocol regarding who has first dibs on the current nanny.

[Anonymous]

Get you a new nanny. Or if both families agrees keep the same nanny. It will be two much work on the nanny, plus you already have issue with the share now.

[Anonymous]

Your two children definitely need their own nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your two children definitely need their own nanny.

This. The baby would get the short stick and the toddlers would be annoyed at less attention to them and being cooped up and quiet. Get one any for your kids and work out a schedule for naps etc

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny who was in a very similar situation recently. I agreed to care for all three kids, my thinking then was that things were going so very well with the toddlers and it would be great to keep them together - they balanced each other off very well and learned from each other etc. Suffice to say - it was too much. The kids were great and I tried to give them all proper attention but at the end of each 9 hour day, I was so exhausted that sometimes I cried (alone in my car or in my bathroom). And then I gave notice - I did give the parents adequate notice based on our initial agreement and also made sure they knew that I wouldn't just leave if they needed a little more time but it was not my best decision and I still have some regrets about things.

Having said all of that, I am sure there are some nannies who can handle this and be ok but if you have the resources to do differently, then please do so.

[Anonymous]

I vote you definitely get a brand-new Nanny OP.

Perhaps the share family is thinking by adding your new infant into the mix, you will pay 2/3 while their rate will go down to 1/3.

Like another PP stated, the baby will likely get the short end of the stick.

Newborns require frequent feedings + diaper changes throughout the day, plus they require being held and comforted often too.
And getting them to sleep AND stay that way is tough enough....Add in two distracting toddlers and I see a burned out Nanny at her wits end.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for going with your own nanny OP, assuming you can afford it.

THere are all the reasons stated here about the challenges of differently aged kids, but when combined w/ the concerns you've expressed about the other family I think this is a no-brainer. You can use the new baby as the reason for changing your arrangement, without having to get into any of the other concerns.

Not having to worry about coordinating schedules, or sharing illnesses, or different parenting approaches, etc... will feel like a weight of your shoulders.