From nanny to day care or vice versa

[Anonymous]

Have had nanny for a year, and as LO approaches 2 years, feel like more structure is needed - educational, cognitive, social, etc. LO goes to preschool and classes a few hours a week, but wanting more. Nanny doesn’t do lot with child - often see her sitting while child plays alone. She definitely loves my child and takes good care of her, but worried we need more to fuel development.

Any advice on if you switched from nanny to day care or preschool setting - and why you were or were not happy doing so?

[Anonymous]

I have written about this before, OP - sending my son to daycare at exactly two-years-old was the biggest mistake I have made as a mother. He became withdrawn and moody - he didn't cry, he just shut down. Being in a room of 12 other two year olds made him less socialized and he developed behavioral problems he never had before. Plus he missed his nanny, even though he saw her ever week. When he would see her, he would burst into tears and cling to her. It was heartbreaking.

We did it purely for financial reasons (DH wasn't working) but in hind sight I should have borrowed money, or accepted nanny's offer to do a nanny share to save money.

Daycare is not preschool. It is institutionalizing your toddler.

Wait until three-years-old and find a true preschool with aftercare. Have your nanny take your child to classes and library story times and join play groups. That is all the socialization he needs.

One more point - it is an unwritten rule on DCUM to NEVER bash daycare so this post may well get deleted and I will undoubtedly be called names.

[Anonymous]

"Preschool" part-time, whatever that means for a child not yet 2 years old, plus classes a few hours a week, sounds like an appropriate amount of structured activity for a toddler. If you really want to add more structure or intellectual stimulation, why not provide the loving nanny with some workbooks or Kumon type activities for her to do with your child. If necessary, leave them with assignments each day. That way the child would get the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you both for your feedback! That’s a good idea to think of some age appropriate learning ideas too.

Poster who switched to day care - did your son eventually adjust?

[Anonymous]

I agree.

A daycare is just a few adults...babysitting a large group of young children.

Your child will bring home so many germs and eventually you will get sick which means more sick days.

Having a personal Nanny is priceless and I strongly encourage you to hold on to her for at least another year.
In all honesty, two year olds can get enough social stimulation at the playground.

I would ask your Nanny to read to him more plus maybe enroll them in a music class or Playgroup.
And make sure she takes him to a weekly storybook time if possible.

[Anonymous]

In the same scenario, we just gradually added more preschool. First 3 days a week, then 5, then 5 plus aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Recovering Tiger Mom here: inasmuch as this child is not yet two years old, maybe you could ensure there are appropriately stimulating toys available like puzzles, Duplos or similar, (large) button sorters, push toys, toddler crayons or Magic/Wonder ink kits, ride-on toys (rockers and child-propelled cars), musical toys and ask the nanny to work with the child on them. There are companies that specialize in these; I daren't mention a name, but they usually are pretty good at finding parents. Having that one-on-one time at home at that age is a precious gift and with some coaching, maybe your nanny can help address your other concerns. I'd give that a try before shipping the child off to institutional care which is bound to carry other issues like more opportunities for sickness, less flexibility for your work schedule, less stabilty in caregivers, etc.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. This nanny supposedly loves your child and takes good care of her, but doesn't interact with her?? How is that possible? I know there are lots of different styles of caregiving and some people are more laid back, introverted and so on. But if someone truly cares for a child, then no matter their style, she should naturally engage with a child this age at least some of the time. I see plenty of nannies at the park who just hang back and watch their one and two year old charges and it would never occur to me to think of them as loving and taking great care of them.