Nanny interaction - MB needs advice
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Anonymous
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We are new to the nanny world...well, relatively new. I became a mom last year and prior to that, I had no experience with children. So raising a toddler has been an eye-opening experience for sure, and we do rely on our nanny for advice and recommendations to guide us as "new-ish" parents. She has full autonomy, can take LO to any activities she desires and we have never had to deal with job creep since I stick very closely to our contract. She's been with us for over a year, and we are generous w/ annual raises and Christmas/birthday presents and letting her take time off when she needs it, even after she's already exhausted PTO. In other words, I try to be a decent MB since I know what it's like to work for a total terror of a boss. Maybe I'm too relaxed?? IDK.
So to get to my question: I am a WAHM who really does stay out of the way. I stay in my office the entire time that nanny and LO are here and typically only leave while LO is napping or have an appt with a client. Our LO literally has no idea I'm home 99% of the time. While nanny is on the clock, she is in charge and our LO knows it.I don't know what they do every single minute they are home between activities and naps, and I didn't want to be a busy body and require a play by play from her. However, I've been paying closer attention lately and noticed that the first two hours of our nanny being on the clock, it's kind of quiet downstairs. I can hear my LO playing, but I don't really hear our nanny interacting with her. I do know my nanny will sometimes make herself a quick breakfast when she gets to our house or drink a coffee, but I had to hop downstairs yesterday to grab a bite to eat in between calls. I find LO playing in the living room with books and toys and our nanny is on the couch using her phone (I don't know for how long). I don't want to make this a big deal if it isn't/jump to conclusions, but I don't want it to be a regular occurrence either. Not sure if this is one of the reasons it's so quiet downstairs in the morning or what is going on, but it doesn't really make me happy. Has anyone had to deal with this or address this type of situation w/ their nanny? |
Anonymous
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Hi OP,
You seem like a nice MB, although I'm sure you being a WAHM may not be the most ideal situation for your nanny, but if she knew that from the start then it's kind of on her. However, I think it's great you try to stay out of her way and not micromanage her. With that being said, what does your contract say about phone usage? Personally, my employers and I have discussed phone usage and we generally agreed that cell phones were not to be used unless it was an emergency or if I was taking pictures of the kids to send to the parents. Of course we all need to look at our phone from time to time, but playing on my phone for extended periods of time would not fly with my MB. Plus, you didn't say how old your LO was but she sounds young and the fact of the matter is toddlers require much more time and attention than an older child. I think it's important for kids to learn independently directed activities but I would hate to think that a nanny is not interacting with your LO for extended periods of time. |
Anonymous
| Maybe she just happened to check the phone when you went down? I can't imagine a toddler playing by themselves for 30 minutes let alone 2 hours! Is your DC the same way on weekends when the nanny is not there? But that said if your gut says something is not right then do these checks over the next couple of weeks and find out what your child and nanny are doing. Then have a sit down with nanny based on your observations. |
Anonymous
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If your toddler can play alone for two hours, have him tested for genius!
Express your concern to your nanny. Talk to her - not to us. |
Anonymous
| This is so common. Once your kid can talk (which might be late, since she may not be receiving adequate verbal stimulation), she'll tell you everything. The nanny probably spends half her day on the phone, if not more. Most of my friends with cameras have had to fire at least one nanny for this same reason. |
Anonymous
+1. Maybe encourage her to get out more. |
Anonymous
Hire. Older. Nannies. |
Anonymous
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I know the nannies will hate me for saying this, but I suggest you get a nest cam and observe the nanny for extended periods over the course of a day. Contract can limit phone usage, nanny can promise you not to use her phone except as necessary, but nothing speaks the truth like direct observation. I see so many nannies (as well as moms!) glued to their phones, ignoring their charges at the playground and I'm sure their MB/DBs would not be okay with it.
As to toddlers who can play by themselves - if consistently ignored by a caregiver, yes, they will learn to play by themselves. My DD *needs* me to play with her all the time. I remember trying out a nanny and in her first week, I observed her and DD on the nest cam. Nanny was glued to her phone 95% of the time, looking up or speaking to DD very occasionally, over a 30 minute period. So yes, DD played by herself. OP, just because your child was playing by himself doesn't mean he wants to, it could just be the nanny is that inattentive. |
Anonymous
+1000 Parents: When will you get it? Hiring a younger Nanny = A Nanny who pays more time to her phone than your child. |
Anonymous
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Eh, I do this sometimes in the mornings. I clean up the kitchen and my nanny kid plays by herself. I'll sit down, have coffee, sometimes I'm on my phone (often ordering things for MB) but I'll still narrate her activities and ask questions. When my NK starts being more interactive with me we head out for fun activities (I never use my phone when we're out).
I only mess with my phone during that portion of the day. I don't see an issue. I pay attention but I'm not going to bother a kid who is happily playing without me so some MB who throws on the tv the second I leave can feel like she's getting her money's worth every second. Your kid isn't fascinating to anyone but you and no amount of money will change that. Even if she didn't have a phone in hand your nanny would be daydreaming. |
Anonymous
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Nanny here. I don't see anything wrong with your nanny. The days are long, we all need some kind of a break and let the kids play by themselves. They need time on their own to explore.
My "down time" is at the end of the day, right before the parents come back, we sit down quietly, listen to some nursery rhymes or read some books. Sometimes I can see the kids are fine without me so I check my phone for a few minutes. I don't know a single worker in this world that doesn't check their facebook or whatever during the day. Your nanny sounds great, just let it go. A regular person can't be 100% for 10 hours a day and it's good for kids to do things on their own as well, they're working on their imagination skills 
(sorry, English is not my language) |
Anonymous
OP specified that it is during the first two hours of the morning that she noticed nanny and child being quiet. I am all for nannies getting a break, but the first two hours seems a little early... Having said that, if nanny is taking a couple minutes to look at her phone, that is okay at any time of the day, beginning or end. Also, where are you getting that OP's nanny sounds great? Her original post is all about the kind of MB she is, and she does sound great! 
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Anonymous
What is "younger nanny" in your book? Most of the nannies I see are in their 30s and up and half of them are on their phones a lot. I rarely see nannies in their 20s and ironically, the few I've taken note of are never on their phones! |
Anonymous
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Smart phones are here to stay.
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Anonymous
Sorry lady, but some people actually enjoy spending time with children. Maybe you should find a different line of work if you're so bored. |