Nanny's mother died - what, if anything, should MB do?

[Anonymous]

Our beloved nanny lost her mother yesterday after a long battle with dementia. Nanny has wanted her mother's suffering to be over for a few months. The memorial won't be until the fall and will be family only. Also her mom lived out of state and she has a brother and sister who live nearby to the mother taking care of all the details.

What should we - her employers - do?

[Anonymous]

Card & big flowers. A few days off when needed.

[Anonymous]

By law, I think you as the employer are required to give her three days off.
At least that law exists here in California.

After that you can choose to offer add'l days of your choosing.

Other kind gestures could be a nice sympathy card, flowers and/or having Nanny stay a bit afterward & join your family for dinner a few nights.

You sound like a very considerate employer OP!!

[Anonymous]

You might give her a day off now if you're able, then the time she needs off in the fall. My dad died at midnight and I had to defend my thesis the next morning; my other option was delaying graduation by another semester. I did the defense, but I was emotionally wiped afterward from both events. I would have loved a day to just relax.

[Anonymous]

Yes, time off - now and in the Fall, and a card and maybe a donation to a meaningful charity. Maybe also a plane ticket home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By law, I think you as the employer are required to give her three days off.
At least that law exists here in California.

After that you can choose to offer add'l days of your choosing.

Other kind gestures could be a nice sympathy card, flowers and/or having Nanny stay a bit afterward & join your family for dinner a few nights.

You sound like a very considerate employer OP!!

I have not been able to find that law applying to household employers, only CA state employees. Please provide a link.

[Anonymous]

I think a card and flowers/restaurant or meal delivery giftcard would be appropriate and appreciated.

[Anonymous]

OP here - and thank you for the suggestions. I told her to take time off now and she declined - saying she would rather be with my DD now and stick to her regular schedule. I told her we are here for her and will make any accommodations she needs. She was very sweet and assured me she was fine. Of course she will have the paid week off in September when she flies to the memorial.

I love the restaurant gift card idea! Flowers, too. And a big donation to the Alzheimer's Association in her mother's name. Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Aw, you are a kind MB. And I'm sure your nanny feels that. Thank you so much for caring. We care about you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Card & big flowers. A few days off when needed.

A few days off? Your generosity is underwhelming! Her mother died! I do not care how long she had been sick, death is a whole new dimension.
Her mother is gone FOREVER. I took two weeks off last year when my sister passed away unexpectedly!

You give her a minimum of two weeks off. Thetebis an unbelievable amount of things that must be done when a family member dies. Was she her mother legal guardian? Why do you even need to ask? FYI, flowers and a card is what I send to work colleagues. People I am close to I do a hell of a lot more--send food, ask her what she needs. Use your brain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Card & big flowers. A few days off when needed.

A few days off? Your generosity is underwhelming! Her mother died! I do not care how long she had been sick, death is a whole new dimension.
Her mother is gone FOREVER. I took two weeks off last year when my sister passed away unexpectedly!

You give her a minimum of two weeks off. Thetebis an unbelievable amount of things that must be done when a family member dies. Was she her mother legal guardian? Why do you even need to ask? FYI, flowers and a card is what I send to work colleagues. People I am close to I do a hell of a lot more--send food, ask her what she needs. Use your brain

Please calm down, PP. This is OP and our nanny doesn't want any time off now - of course I offered. She was not the legal guardian - her brother is - and according to our nanny there is very little that needs to be done. The services will not be held until September. I have asked her what she needs and she said she needs to giggle with my daughter.

Please stop assuming I am the bad guy. I love this woman and would do whatever she needed. I got some great suggestions for a few extras here.

[Anonymous]

OP, 19:13 is out of line and not the norm. Just ignore her.

You're fine, generous, appropriate and I'm sure your nanny appreciates it. You have to take the nuts w/ the helpful folks here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, 19:13 is out of line and not the norm. Just ignore her.

You're fine, generous, appropriate and I'm sure your nanny appreciates it. You have to take the nuts w/ the helpful folks here.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, 19:13 is out of line and not the norm. Just ignore her.

You're fine, generous, appropriate and I'm sure your nanny appreciates it. You have to take the nuts w/ the helpful folks here.

+1

Yes, I suspect she's the one who frequently suggests that people hire a second nanny to help out if they have problems with their first nanny.

This situation is so hard; in a larger office, it's easier for someone who has lost someone to proceed as they wish. In an intimate relationship like this, it's hard to know when someone would appreciate more or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, 19:13 is out of line and not the norm. Just ignore her.

You're fine, generous, appropriate and I'm sure your nanny appreciates it. You have to take the nuts w/ the helpful folks here.

+1

Yes, I suspect she's the one who frequently suggests that people hire a second nanny to help out if they have problems with their first nanny.

This situation is so hard; in a larger office, it's easier for someone who has lost someone to proceed as they wish. In an intimate relationship like this, it's hard to know when someone would appreciate more or less.

+1 It's our resident hysterical troll that takes every opportunity to ridicule and berate parent posters.