My charge doesn't seem to like me

[Anonymous]

His parents both say I am like family but he always pulls them up on it and says I am not.
He can often be gumpy with me, telling me not to speak and I am never on his list of favourite people. He evens prefers spending time with his older sisters friend who is 15 over me and idolises her. I do so much for him, always show loads of patience and love and it just hurts at times that he doesn't seem to care about me. I wonder what I am doing wrong.
He is 6 years old.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter, OP. Do your job as best you can and continue to be a great nanny to the child.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been with him?

Sometimes kids are just assholes, and you have to deal. I know it's hard to do your job when their isn't much of a relationship between you and your charge. One of the reasons I start with infants, you can't help but love them and it grows as they grow. Nannying older kids, especially bratty ones, is emotionally challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His parents both say I am like family but he always pulls them up on it and says I am not.
He can often be gumpy with me, telling me not to speak and I am never on his list of favourite people. He evens prefers spending time with his older sisters friend who is 15 over me and idolises her. I do so much for him, always show loads of patience and love and it just hurts at times that he doesn't seem to care about me. I wonder what I am doing wrong.
He is 6 years old.

You are fine but he is a manipulating budding sociopath and a spoiled brat. You will never be able to win with him so look for another job and be happy. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Just over a year. Would have thought by now that we would have a good bond. It just feels like he adores everyone else but me. Sometimes it feels like nothing I do for him is right and he always seems irritated by me and snappy/sarcastic when I ask him a question about school or something.
It is just hard when I have put so much time, patience and love into him. Sure, it is my job but I want what other nannies seem to have with their charges. It's hard feeling like he doesn't want me around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His parents both say I am like family but he always pulls them up on it and says I am not.
He can often be gumpy with me, telling me not to speak and I am never on his list of favourite people. He evens prefers spending time with his older sisters friend who is 15 over me and idolises her. I do so much for him, always show loads of patience and love and it just hurts at times that he doesn't seem to care about me. I wonder what I am doing wrong.
He is 6 years old.

You are fine but he is a manipulating budding sociopath and a spoiled brat. You will never be able to win with him so look for another job and be happy. Good luck.

Why does he love everyone else but me though? His school haven't raised any concerns with his behavior.

[Anonymous]

You need to look for another job, OP. I am serious - you will not win over this child. It doesn't matter why he doesn't like you. If you are a good nanny, leave before the child convinces the parents that you suck and you lose the reference.

Sometimes things just don't work out.

I did a trial with one little girl and the only thing we shared was a mutual dislike for each other. The mother still wanted to hire me but I declined. I have never been disliked before of since and certainly have never dislike a child before.

[Anonymous]

Problem is it could happen in another job. Do I just suck at nannying I wonder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Problem is it could happen in another job. Do I just suck at nannying I wonder

Maybe. How would we know? Is this your first nanny position?

[Anonymous]

Yes, preschool leader before. Not boasting but the kids loved me and not much younger than my charge. I have worked with children for 15 years

[Anonymous]

He's six. He's at the stage where he is professionally self-centered and also an expert manipulator.

Stop caring what he thinks, don't take it personally or get your feelings hurt. Do be consistent, calm, non-reactive, fun, and caring. Keep to schedules, maintain limits, take good care of him, and don't worry about being liked.

I have 5 1/2 year old twins, one of whom ended Mother's Day by saying "I hate Mommy" because she didn't get what she wanted. So be it. I'm her mom, not her friend.

The same principle applies to nannying - you are the adult in charge, not the friend. I don't want my kids manipulating their nanny emotionally, I want a nanny who doesn't care about the noise they make around things they want, but who absolutely makes sure their world is safe, consistent, and calm. I know that can be hard - my kids hurt my feelings also. But when my attitude is unflappable and unemotional I get MUCH better behavior from them. The same will likely be true for you. And in the long run the boy will be every bit as attached to the grown-up with whom he feels safe and loved, as is he to anyone who is fun and gives him whatever he wants (if not more - though he may not admit it.)

Don't try to be fun and popular. Try to be the one he turns to when he's hurt. And don't look to a six year old to make you feel cared for - that's what friends and family are for - not a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His parents both say I am like family but he always pulls them up on it and says I am not.
He can often be gumpy with me, telling me not to speak and I am never on his list of favourite people. He evens prefers spending time with his older sisters friend who is 15 over me and idolises her. I do so much for him, always show loads of patience and love and it just hurts at times that he doesn't seem to care about me. I wonder what I am doing wrong.
He is 6 years old.

You are fine but he is a manipulating budding sociopath and a spoiled brat. You will never be able to win with him so look for another job and be happy. Good luck.

A 6 year old is a "budding sociopath"(!) because he can be grumpy, sometimes tells his nanny not to speak, doesn't list her on his list of favorite people and has a crush on his sister's friend? WTF? Most 6 year olds can be grumpy, and 6 year olds are allowed to have preferences and crushes. A 6 year old obviously should not be telling his nanny not to speak, but occasionally being bratty at age 6 does not equal "budding sociopath." There's not anything in this behavior that's even "manipulative," except maybe for having a "list of favorite people" depending on the context.

[Anonymous]

When my charge is young (0 to 12 months) I love him like crazy! Now after 6 months in daycare I just dont want to see him anymore. His mom called once a while and offered a date night gigs but I just declined.

I dont know why maybe because I have new charge to care

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yeah, I wouldn't say budding sociopath but he is manipulative and can be cruel. Guess I just have to accept things the way they are and look for another job. Would be nice to have a really strong bond with the kids I nanny for. Like the ones I used to have at the preschool and which other nannies have with their charges.

[Anonymous]

OP, any kid you work with is going to try to push your buttons. You cannot be taking things this seriously and personally if you expect to be able to work with children past the verbal stage. If you need and want adoration from the children you work with, then perhaps you should be working exclusively with infants. Toddlers, preschoolers, and older kids to are all working on independence from caregivers, and a big piece of that is intentionally pushing buttons and trying to get a reaction out of you. If you stay calm and get your emotional support from some more appropriate source such as a peer of any kind rather than from a child, then they will see that the behavior gets them nothing and move on and be able to bond with you. If every time a small child is "mean" to you it hurts your feelings, then you are in the wrong profession as a nanny. Kids don't do crap like this to their preschool teachers. Maybe you are better suited for that field.