One of my employers passed away unexpectedly

[Anonymous]

DB died about almost 3 weeks ago from a car accident. It was shocking and heartbreaking and the first week was a blur. I've been with this family for about 18 months and they've always been good employers although never particuLarly personable. The last few weeks I've just done whatever to help. Many family members are around the house and I'm not working my normal hours but still work fairly consistently. MB is not in an ok state of mind, and needs someone with her often (usually her mom and sister). I'm a consistent part of the children's lives, but they're both very young and don't fully grasp anything.

Here is the deal. I don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure if they'll continue to need me and I don't feel ok asking MB right now while everything is so fresh. I also haven't been paid, and I totally don't expect that to be the first thing on their mind and I'm totally ok with things being late or having some of the time I've spent at the house being unpaid for grievances but I'm at the point where financially I need to know what the future holds.

I've been supplementing my income with weekend babysitting jobs and have savings but I don't know how long I can manage this way. I'm very very sympathetic to my employers and don't want to bother my already distraught MB but I'm really in a bind. MB's sister is the one running the show right now, she'll ask me to work certain days and what they need. Would it be reasonable to ask her what the future may hold as far as my employment goes?

Also, I expect lots of sarcastic and terrible things thrown at me, because that's the DCUM way but I sincerely need help. I have a local nanny group but wanted to post anonymously to protect myself and the family.

TIA

[Anonymous]

Talk to the mom or sister of your employer. Pull them aside and say "I know this is a terrible time and I feel horribly for the family. I'm happy to continue helping however I can - obviously consistency is very important for the children. But I haven't been paid in three weeks and can't afford to go on this way. Is there an accountant handling the finances for Mrs. Widow?"

Adults understand that life goes on, and people need to get paid. The mortgage needs to be paid, the cemetery needs to be paid, and the nanny needs to be paid. Let me know what they say tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to the mom or sister of your employer. Pull them aside and say "I know this is a terrible time and I feel horribly for the family. I'm happy to continue helping however I can - obviously consistency is very important for the children. But I haven't been paid in three weeks and can't afford to go on this way. Is there an accountant handling the finances for Mrs. Widow?"

Adults understand that life goes on, and people need to get paid. The mortgage needs to be paid, the cemetery needs to be paid, and the nanny needs to be paid. Let me know what they say tomorrow.

This OP. Yes, even in light of their tragedy and grief, your MB has an obligation to both pay you and inform you of plans that concern you directly. Of course you should ask.

[Anonymous]

Yes I agree you need to ask the sister if she is the one telling you when to work. Tell her you haven't been paid and I would have a log ready with the days and hours you have worked so it will be easy for her to get you a check. And I don't think it's out of line to ask how long they will continue to need you, whether short term or long term.

[Anonymous]

PP again - forgot to say so sorry for the family's loss - I can not imagine what that family is going through - you included!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I agree you need to ask the sister if she is the one telling you when to work. Tell her you haven't been paid and I would have a log ready with the days and hours you have worked so it will be easy for her to get you a check. And I don't think it's out of line to ask how long they will continue to need you, whether short term or long term.

+ 1

This.
And you sound like a loyal Nanny for working for free at times due to the difficult situation.

[Anonymous]

Yes, as awful as the situation is, you still need to be paid. I would speak to the other family members. Pick one you feel most comfortable with and ask them about pay and about whether they are going to need you long term. Sorry for yours and the family's loss x

[Anonymous]

The presence of the sister makes this much easier. Pull her aside and be as kind as you can, you can even apologize for talking about something so mundane, but exactly what you said here should be perfect.

Sister may get flustered if she doesn't know how to bring this up with MB, but that's up to her.

[Anonymous]

MB absolutely agreeing with everyone else here. Frankly your MB needs to figure out how to run her life after this awful tragedy, but in the meantime talk to the sister. And do it right away - you deserve and need to be paid. I

I like the way 21:34 worded it. You could also add a suggestion/request that perhaps to make it easier for everyone going forward they could set up a system whereby you're paid weekly for guaranteed hours, that you can flex times for as they need. So they pay you routinely for 40 hours (or whatever) a week, at a given rate, but you agree to allocate those hours flexibly (within reason of course) around whatever MB might need that week. If I'm her sister then I would see that as a win-win. You're getting paid and are reliable support, and the widow has consistent support in a way that she doesn't have to manage directly right now.

Good luck. And thank you for sticking by the family and the kids OP. You are a good person and they are lucky to have you. I hope they build in some financial reward for you in addition to thanking you profusely and getting your pay figured out.

[Anonymous]

Total agreement with what others have said. Your question is totally reasonable under the circumstances -- very few people can afford to go 3+ weeks without being paid. Raise it with the sister w/ just as much tact as you displayed here and you'll be totally fine. It seems to me like you've done everything right and have exactly the right mindset.

[Anonymous]

Tragedies happen but your MB did not forget to pay mortgage, utilities, car payment and other monthly bills and she should not have forgotten to pay you. You were extremely thoughtful and kind to put in all the extra hours and you should also be paid for these. You ARE AN EMPLOYEE, not a family member.

[Anonymous]

Update, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

I spoke with MBs sister and received 70% of my owed pay but still no clear answer on what the future holds.

[Anonymous]

That's unacceptable OP. I'm so sorry.

I think you should tell them that going forward you will be unable to work for them unless they pay you for all back time, and can guarantee payment weekly.

It's just completely unfair for you not to be paid. And a month out from the tragedy the family has to be finding ways to solve these problems that don't involve you working for free.

- MB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, OP?

I spoke with MBs sister and received 70% of my owed pay but still no clear answer on what the future holds.

Unbelievable and unacceptable. Start looking for new job. You should have been paid in full and no excuses.