PSA for first time nanny parents

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and I just served as a reference for a nanny who works as the backup/weekend nanny for my current family. I did her initial interview and she works alongside me a fair amount so she asked that I speak with a prospective employer. I spoke with the employer at length and it came down to this:

Me: Nanny is all about the kids. She is very present and they live being with her. She is great at preparing engaging activities and always has a plan for her time with them, blah blah blah

Employer: We have a baby and she didn't start with you until your twins were one. Can she handle a baby?

Me: "I can't speak to that either way, but I feel confident that many of the positive traits I have seen like X, Y and Z would apply at any age."

Employer: "Can she sleep train?"

What I wanted to say but did not was this:

No one hires a nanny in a vaccuum. Obviously you will be looking for someone in the right region, within a certain pay range, willing to work certain hours, etc. If you have all the money and flexibility in the world, then sure: hold out for Mary Poppins. But if you are at the point of checking references for a nanny with no infant experience, then presumably your options are limited by pay or something else. In that case: hire for personality; train for skill. I can guarantee that you will be better off with a loving and engaged caregiver who is willing to read whatever books you want and follow your lead wrt sleep training than with someone who has cared for lota of babies but is less than ideal in some more fundamental way (attitude issues, etc.). If you don't like any of the candidates then adjust your offer in some way and widen your search, look at shares or daycares or accept that this is your pool and prioritize what matters.

[Anonymous]

I agree to an extent. However, a good personality can mask a lot.

A local nanny has a personality that draws people in, and makes it very easy for her to interview. She is super charismatic, a born leader, and will snatch up a job very quickly. But is she a great nanny? No. She is a good one, but often seems bored or ready to move on to the next thing. Someone who would probably benefit more from being an agency owner rather than a nanny.

Shiny, happy, high energy, smooth talkers don't always make the best nannies. It's a very isolating job, especially when working with infants.

The nanny who speaks like she's on stage interviewing for Mrs. America isn't always the best fit. Is a Type A personality going to mesh well with parents of a young infant who want a lot of say over the day? Probably not. Is she going to do well with older children with many activities? Maybe.

[thechildcarevillage]

I agree with you on many points but I don't think the issue is so black and white. The point of interviewing and checking references should be for the parents to address their areas of concern. No nanny being interviewed is going to say, "no I don't think I'm capable." But a reference might admit that the nanny has a hard time with naps early on, or that she wasn't able to sleep train, or didn't believe in it.

I do think it's important for parents to have realistic expectations. Even the most experienced nanny will have to get used to a new family's unique style and the way they want to raise their kids. So to some extent they will have to train. But maybe this mom is worried that she doesn't know how to sleep train, and she wants someone who already knows how. It is possible to find a loving, engaged nanny who *also* has experience with infants and sleep training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree to an extent. However, a good personality can mask a lot.

A local nanny has a personality that draws people in, and makes it very easy for her to interview. She is super charismatic, a born leader, and will snatch up a job very quickly. But is she a great nanny? No. She is a good one, but often seems bored or ready to move on to the next thing. Someone who would probably benefit more from being an agency owner rather than a nanny.

Shiny, happy, high energy, smooth talkers don't always make the best nannies. It's a very isolating job, especially when working with infants.

The nanny who speaks like she's on stage interviewing for Mrs. America isn't always the best fit. Is a Type A personality going to mesh well with parents of a young infant who want a lot of say over the day? Probably not. Is she going to do well with older children with many activities? Maybe.

What you are describing is someone who has a fun and friendly personality, not somebody who has a great personality for a nanny. I would never encourage someone to hire somebody seems cool and nice just for personality. But I strongly encourage parents to hire someone to do has a great personality: patient, good excommunication, organized, compassionate self possessed would be traits I would look for, along with flexible and professional.

[Anonymous]

Yep. I hired someone with zero nanny experience because I liked the intelligence and enthusiasm (and my dog liked them).

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the potential employers had perfectly reasonable questions, especially if the work history or references didn't clear answer questions like experience with infants.

And experience in sleep training is a great question, and instructive for the kind of parents the potential employers will be also.

I am sure they asked more than two things. You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder.

[Anonymous]

It's funny that they asked you, one of our bosses, etc some of those questions---because they didn't ask me anything about routinues or sleep training!

Thanks for saying nice things, even anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that they asked you, one of our bosses, etc some of those questions---because they didn't ask me anything about routinues or sleep training!

Thanks for saying nice things, even anonymously.

wha...? are you the nanny that the OP is talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that they asked you, one of our bosses, etc some of those questions---because they didn't ask me anything about routinues or sleep training!

Thanks for saying nice things, even anonymously.

Haha! Hi!

Yes, they asked other questions but the stuff they drilled me on was all irrelevant to the age of the kids I was referring to. I would have been equally puzzled if they had asked how you helped the toddlers with their geometry homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that they asked you, one of our bosses, etc some of those questions---because they didn't ask me anything about routinues or sleep training!

Thanks for saying nice things, even anonymously.

Haha! Hi!

Yes, they asked other questions but the stuff they drilled me on was all irrelevant to the age of the kids I was referring to. I would have been equally puzzled if they had asked how you helped the toddlers with their geometry homework.

I think they're making it up as they go along/crowdsourced a lot of their questions from friends, because I had two (hour-long) interviews before they called you and while routines came up when I talked about how a typical day would go, sleep training didn't come up at all. See you soon!